Cafeteria CHAOS. That Jello is NOT Mellow....

Let's see where I left off with in the mission of destroying my APUSH teacher....

*Shimmery glimmery fade to THE CAFETERIA*

I walk into the medium-sized cafeteria with Howling Meercat by my side and Mushu, my dragon, on my shoulder hissing at every inanimate object.

"Why do you keep hissing at inanimate objects, shoe-mouse?!" I yell in utter frustration.

"Hisssssss.....because I sense DANGER YO! Hisssssssss.....Are we not trying to find that crazy old teacher's soul or not?!" He exclaims while pulling on my ear lobe.

Hm. He has a point.  Perhaps he'll be able to scare the soul straight from the inanimate object by hissing....but then again his intimidation level is like....'level not scary.'

"Fine, whatever. And stop pulling on my lobe!"  We walk down a row of empty tables, the remains of last period's lunch still present.  I pick up a string cheese wrapper, give it a sniff, then place it back on the table.

"What is it?" Howling Meercat asks, noting the puzzling look on my face.

"Nothing. It's just strange how some people do not throw away trash." I glance down at my watch, wanting to be conscious of the time.  12:09:35.

25 more seconds. My heart is pounding. 25 MORE SECONDS!!!!

"Guys hurry up!" I screech. "We need to move." I am half way to the destination I must reach when it happens.

The bell rings.

RINGGGGGGGGGG!!!!

The sound is like a gentle stream at first.  Tranquil.  Then it sounds like when you turn on the water to your bathtub.  Rushing....but not so desperate- calming almost.  Suddenly, the sound is like a fierce waterfall, and I find I'm joining in on the percussion of rapid beats.  I'm sprinting down the length of the cafeteria, with the power of the crowd right behind me.  I blink my eyes, and when I open them, hands are all around me, reaching, pulling, snatching....

"LET GO!" I demand through clenched teeth.  I tug away with all my strength and AHA!

I fly backwards with a cup of green jello in my hands!   The last one, too! Hoo-rah. 

In your face pesky freshman! I go to the front of the line and pay 50 cents for the delectable gelatin.  Now, where are my accomplices?  I am about to go searching for them when I hear someone snickering behind me.

"Snicker...snicker...."  I whirl around and face......IT. My heart drops down into my stomach so hard I feel like I'm about to fall to the ground.  I can't appear this way - I must look composed.

"Hello, I see you're purchasing today's gelatin as well!" I say charitably, trying not to say "and you could readily do without it!" Instead, I mention, "The crowd was quite relentless, was it not?"

"I see what you're trying to do," She, my dreaded APUSH teacher, hisses. "Why yes, I do agree the crowd was relentless. Especially myself...." She laughs and hands the lunch lady 60 cents. "You can keep the change, you filthy animal."  She waddles off and I notice she doesn't take a spoon with her. Odd.

"I'll take that," I say to the lunch lady as I grab the 10 cents and hurry after the monster with jello.  I keep a good five feet behind her, so if she turns around to see if anyone is following her I can easily hide myself behind the bulk of her body.  I am trailing after her out of the cafeteria, and this is when I know that something very strange is occurring....why are we leaving?  I wonder if I should run back to find my partners, but I figure that at the moment this is more crucial.  I only hope that they do not worry where I am.

*Flash to where accomplices are*

"Woohoo!!! Go Mushu! Go Mushu!" *Mushu chugs jello as Howling Meercat cheers*

*Flash back to following APUSH teacher*

I continue to follow until she is in her room.  I watch her go inside, then shut the door.  I don't want to go with her for she would surely notice my presence if I did.  I peer through the vertical window and see the horror within.

She puts the jello on the table but does not eat it.  No, she in fact observes it for a moment, then stuffs it into a suitcase.  AHA! I can't help myself now, this may be my only chance.

I burst through the door and yell, "I've got you now, you beast!"  She falls over in surprise, and I do not wait for her to struggle to get back up.  "Alohomora!"  The suitcase flies open and I lunge for the jello.  I hold it in my hands shakily, not sure what the spirit within will try to do to me.  Before I think of it too long, I rip out my wand.  "My wand's name is Dave send this jello-soul to its grave!"

The jello melts, and I laugh out of shock/happiness.  "That was pretty easy!"

"Fool!" Uh-oh. She has arisen amongst her rolls of fat, her tiny head peering over the mound of her body.  Her eyes glow red as she tremors,  "That was my jello and not my soul! Now, I will not have an evening snack! You shall feel my wrath!"  Good thing she put on a few pounds or else she would've grabbed me by the neck before I had a chance to jump out the window on the right.  And, yes. I jumped out the window in full realization that I was completely wrong about the jello.  The whole way down that's all I thought about.

"I was wrong....wrong, wrong, wrong..."  I land in a crab apple tree, then slide down quickly.  I need to find my gang to warn them of my terrible mistake.  I burst through the doors of the cafeteria and see that it is again deserted, except for two figures at the very end.  My friends!  I run and start shouting about what has happened but then slowly come to a stop to see that Howling Meercat is tied and gagged. 

And Mushu is tying the final knot around her feet.

"Oh, are we playing Cops and Robbers? I thought that was every Saturday night-"

"Foooooollll!!!" Mushu leaps onto Meercat's lap and shouts at me. "This is not Cops and Robbers!"

"Oh, is it- well I can't think of another game this would be...," I say completely puzzled.

"It is no game!!!!! You are to perish! See I have tied your friend up to throw her into the oven! And you shall be next!!!"  Before I can make another attempt at guessing what game we are playing, he lunges at my face.  

"Oww! Hey-muff-oof-Get off my face!!!" I manage to throw him off and while he falls to the ground I see a peculiar sight....

An empty, smoking jello cup on the table.

"Mushu! Did you eat that jello?!" 

"Of course I did! It's irresistible! Now, time to bake in the oven, girl!"  He again leaps at me, but I kick him across the floor. 

"No!!! Mushu! That jello contained the soul of my APUSH teacher!"  I think back to when he ate the crab-apple...why didn't he turn evil then?  I help Meercat and ask what is going on.

"I think it's the accumulation of evil...See he ate the crab-apple which made him 40% evil, now he's eaten the jello, too, so that's another 40%.  He's now 80% evil!!!" Howling Meercat yells over Mushu's loud hissing.

"So that means..."  We both don't want to say it, but we know it's true.  Mushu will have to be destroyed.

I decide that I must not think too long about it, so I rush over and grab him by the tail.  He wriggles helplessly the whole time and, with tears in my eyes, I toss him into the kitchen's oven.

I sit down with Howling Meercat and explain the whole situation about our APUSH teacher.

"I think she knew that Mushu bought her jello.  She wanted him to eat it and become...like her.  So, to distract me, she bought a different jello.  One to lure me out of the cafeteria while the transformation would take place. Sadly, it worked....poor Mushu."

Howling Meercat stares down at her feet. "Poor, poor Mushu. I suppose we should leave now.  Finish this mission as soon as possible.  Where to next?"

For once, I don't have a clue.

"I don't have a clue."

END.

     

Well, that was slightly depressing! Don't worry it will get better. The APUSH teacher must be destroyed no matter what!

Signing out of this blog like yeah~

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.

We Have One Thing that Voldemort Doesn't Have...

Noses and Mushu. Yes, I do mean that little dragon from Mulan.

FLASHBACK to a few blogs ago.

I was left behind in a deserted classroom, wondering how I will defeat the monstrous APUSH teacher...

*Dramatic Fade*

I walk out of the classroom and make my way down the hallway to the bathroom.  

She must be defeated! I cannot let her continue with this havoc reeking...THE REEKING MUST COME TO AN END. I wonder how I am to find the seven parts of her soul...and when I do, how will I destroy them? Oh fiddlesticks, this is just too much for me to handle. I might as  well be a death-eater. My life would be so much easier...

*A dramatic fade within this dramatic fade*

"Gwen...I love you. Will you please marry me?"

"Oh Bruno Mars! I-"

Sorry, wrong fade!

*Dramatic fade out of that dramatic fade all within the constant dramatic fade*

I am wearing a mask and torturing prospective seniors with AP US History. Oh hey look, there's my boss.

"Hey, Boss! How ya-"

She turns around, and I face the most hideous creature in my life!!!!

*GASP* "NO! It's her! I'm sorry I ever thought of this horrible day-dream! I want out! I want out!" I scream in pure, unadulterated agony.

*A more abrupt dramatic fade out of the current dramatic fade all within the dramatic fade*

Ok...let's not have that happen again. EVER.

I'm in the bathroom, contemplating. No, ya freak, I am most certainly not on the potty. Why would I do that? People drown in those things you know. Highly dangerous. No, I am sitting on the windowsill, staring out into the school courtyard.

You know what? I think I could use a sidekick. Yes, yes...someone to help me kick some APUSH butt. I don't know where I could find one. Oh hey, there's something in the courtyard...

"There's something out there...." I murmur as I lean toward the window to get a closer look.  I see a person walking about the courtyard aimlessly.

Well, this isn't exactly what I had in mind...but here goes something-

I open the window and call out, "Hey you!"

The wanderer peers up and waves. Then she continues walking.

"No, no!" I shout. "Listen, I have a question to ask you! Actually, more like a demand. Yes, you must obey me...you cannot refuse once I ask you."

She looks up again with a puzzled look. "What?" She calls out.

"I- Me. Yes, me. I have to ask you-" She still looked confused. "OH FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY, I'M SPEAKING ENGLISH HERE. WHAT ARE YOU TRULY? A ZORBIAN FROM PLANET ZORB?! WOULD GIBBERISH SUIT YOU?! FINE, THEN UOEADLLEABBBLUBBERFABBERMADHATTERRRRBLAHSHINGOMINKFUR-" Oh no! It seems that I have leaned too far out the window!!!

Down

down

down

down 

down

down

down     down....whoops! This down is lost! Let us redirect him...

down

down

down

down

down

dow-

I am, thankfully, saved by a crab-apple tree. And now "down" doesn't sound like a word to me anymore.  You are no son of mine!!!!

You know that feeling when you say a word too much? Gosh, what a long, DOWNward spiral that was, too. Down.

"What was it you were trying to say?" A girl, my age, comes and asks me, ignoring the fact that I am stuck in this most uncomfortable crab-apple tree.

"You. Yes, you. Will be my sidekick in avenging my pigmy puff, who died in infamy, and in the destruction of our most evil teacher." I tumble out of the tree like a rag doll. Today is just not my day. Besides the fact that I have a super-dee-dooper wand-o under my command-o.

"But-" She looks disturbed.

"NO! NO, BUTS. They bother me so." I dust myself off quickly. "Now, come along. We have to destroy our APUSH teacher. You don't happen to know where a part of her soul may be hidden, do you?"

"Um-"

"You know what. I think you and I, myself and yourself, yes- I think we," I point to her and then myself, "we will be good friends. And I know this is hasty, but Christmas is coming and I would like a dragon. Yes, I've always wanted a dragon. Ever since I was a mere child."

"Oh do you now? I happen to be part house elf."

"Oh well, that is FASCINATING." I stop and clap my hands together. "Can you go find me a dragon then? Would you do that?"

"It might take awhile...."

"I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE ONE NOW ELF!!" I shout angrily forgetting the manners my mommy taught me. "I mean, if it wouldn't cause you any trouble...my *friend*." =) <---- Me giving that irresistible smile. I must say that it doesn't really give it justice...but you get the picture.

*Snap cakes, snap cakes, there goes the elf- cakes! Poof!*

Annnnndddd she disappeared into thin air.

"I will take that as a yes!" I say merrily and start walking back to my school when I hear a voice hissing from somewhere within my perimeter....

"Yum, yum, yum....in my tum, tum, tum. If you consume me, BEWARE! Because then I will consume you! Yum, yum, yum."

"Yo ho, a pirate's life for me?" I whisper in return.

"You fool! I am no pirate! How dare you insult me in such a way!"

"Oh, well somebody's crabby." Crabby. Ha. Funny Word. Yet so ironic.....

Suddenly, I feel something burning in my jean pocket. "OMYGOSH WHAT IS HAPPENING?!" I tear through my pocket and pull out a small object and toss it to the ground in horror.  My eyes widen with fright at the sight before me.

A crab-apple is staring at me.

Or I assume that if it had eyes, it would be staring at me.

"You pathetic student! You will fail high school! And when you do, you can expect certain death!! Or work in a beauty salon for your entire life! Either is terrible! Muahahahahaa!!!"

"No...no...that won't happen," I say, terrified of the demonic crab-apple and its prophetic words.

"Oh, but it will! Yesssssss....." It hisses at me in the most repulsive way, I am tempted to kick it.  Unfortunately, pure fear of what may happen if I do encased my very soul.  I refrained from the brash act.  "Your pigmy puff is dead, your house elf friend deserted you, and you are dragonless."  

Everything is going blurry...I can't see straight.  My world is swirling around me...

"No...no..." I murmur, fading in and out of the world around me.  Then I hear a voice beyond the crab-apple.

"Don't listen to it! Destroy it! Hurry up, before it's too late!"

I close my eyes and force myself to find the strength within my heart.  I burst forth making the loudest battle cry I can.

"I AM PROUD TO BE A SPARTAN!" 

"Dude...you're American." 

*Fade is RUDELY interrupted*

"Ok, listen. My story. Not yours. My....story....notyours. And in this story THIS IS SPARTA. AND I AM A HUMBLE SPARTAN. With a really cool wand."

*Dramatic Fade*

With a rush of adreneline, I run and step on the crab-apple with all my might. AH-ha! Yes, it is finally defea-

"Ouchies!!!!" I squeal and jump off. "It bit a hole through my shoe!!!"

I fall down and the crab-apple advances toward me. It has a look of hunger drawn upon its fiber-filled, somewhat nutritional skin. Mmm...tasty! Or it would be if it wasn't evil.

"Stay away!!!" I crawl backwards rather pathetically. It's just about to leap on me and destroy me forever....

"ARGGGGGGGGGGG!!!! AYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAAAAAA!!!"

A red and blue blur flashes before me eyes and when it's gone, so is the crab-apple.  Phew....that was a close one!

I look around curiously and see that a few feet from is my house elf friend! With a dragon! That is feasting on the crab-apple!  Hoo-rah.

"I believe that this is part of that APUSH teacher's soul. She stored it within this crab-apple. Good thing I was able to find this dragon unusually fast or else you'd be...you'd be...huh..."

"Yeah, I dunno what the apple would've done to me either," I say to my house elf friend. "Thanks, though. Oh, and you brought me a dragon!"

"Why, yes! This is an Asian Lung, named Mushu," She pointed toward the dragon.

"I see....it's rather small." More like the size of a shoe....or a mouse. A shoe-mouse.

"I am your guardian dragon!!!!!" It shouted at me in a voice that sounded exactly like Eddie Murphy.

"Uh huh....," I reply, a little distracted by it's non-fierce-some-ness.

"It never shuts up," The part house-elf girl says.

"Well, then that's just adorable!" I say with complete sarcasm. "By the way, I never caught your name."

"My name is-"

"Wait, wait." I interrupt. "No. I need to give you a super-cool sidekick name. I got it. Yes. It is perfect. You will love it, I promise. Yes, your name shall be Howling Meercat."

"Ok, it's better than my real name which is-." BEEPBEEPBEEP. A cop on a scooter beeps us out of his way rudely.  Rude prude.  What a weird name she has....

"Strange....ANYWHO, LET US GO ONWARD WITH THIS PERILOUS JOURNEY INTO THE DARKNESS OF WHICH WE CALL HIGH SCHOOL!!"

"Alright. This should be fun! Too bad I have no choice."

"That's right! You have absolutely no choice!" I say joyfully. "I have a feeling that the next object of which the APUSH teacher's demented soul is in is somewhere located in the cafeteria...."

"Why?"

"Well reason numero uno: I am quite hungry. And quatro: I want to see what it's like to give a jelly legs jinx (I learned this from Starkid Potter) on some jelly."

Eddie Murphy's voice rings out suddenly, "Ain't no way you're going to be eating jelly when the huns are popping up like daisies!" I look down at the shoe-mouse.

"Right...." I smile and nod politely. 

"Ready?" Howling Meercat says finally.

"Let us go. ONWARD!"

*Fantastical fade out of this dramatic fade*

Well, that was fun. Or maybe you were completely bored and hated the whole thing and now hate me forever and ever for ever creating such a stupid blog, and now you feel the nagging urge to throw your compy out the window because this blog just angered you so.

All I can say is- I HATE YOU TOO NOW OUT.

No. Sadly, I can never hate anyone who takes the time out to read this blog, even if it angers them *Cue puppy dog eyes and adorable face*

Just kidding! I can hate you! In fact, if I wanted to, I could most certainly hate you right this instant. But I won't. I love you too darn much!

Not really. Ok, bye.

Wait, no...Just this moment, the thought occurred to me: Why did I never use my wand to destroy the crab-apple? Oh right, right. I know. It is because I have yet to master it. I will. One day. Preferably my next blog or sometime whenever. I'll practice when my parents go to sleep. Ya, believe me, I'm such a rebel!

Signing out of this blog like yeah~

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.

Stay tuned next time...for THE NEXT BLOG, DARN IT. Geez, don't pee yourself. I don't give "sneak peeks." Bye for real peeps!