Supahh Fastttt Updattee!

Hey peeps! So I found some old posts I made way back from my first semester of college.  For some reason, I had taken them down (probably because I felt silly/idiotic) but I read them over and realized, "Eh. They're a little stupid, but what the heck!" 


I'll post them in two seconds! Just make note that they are from awhile ago, and that I no longer hold the feelings described in the posts anymore.


*Also, some new posts are in the making! And by "in the making" I mean I'm thinking about them in my brainium hehe....almost all of my posts are written on the spot with little revision. 


Therefore, I'm sorry for the numerous grammatical air-errs. 


Small joke, small joke. (I know, I'm a loser)


Alright, peace brothers and sistas from other mothas and mistas.


Signing out of this blog like yeah~
Gwen the Super Hero, over and out

Dying Would Be An Great Adventure Indeed

If I could die right now, I think I would.

I would bring you with me because I don't want to die alone-

To die alone would be a tragic end indeed.

I would want to die before you.

I would want to enter paradise confused

but then relax into joyous realization that you are right behind me smiling.

We would hug tightly then emerge into light.

Establishing how blind we were before this moment.

We would laugh,

saying how ironic it was, that we feared all those years

to lose our lives, when it really was the best thing that could have ever happened.

I would love you more than I ever have loved you, because my love would never die.

You would kiss me like forever laid at our feet, because for once, forever would be alive.

The people would not judge us – not of our age or color – because their efforts to do so would be in vain,

And vanity is nothing but a splinter when you already live in perfection.

We would taste the sky, the non-existence of air, and the beauty of each other's souls.

We would run and fall, but not get hurt.

It would be so surreal – looking back on our former existence and noticing that it was only a long road-

a road where we could meet, fall into one another and pass into our divine purpose.

We would die together, and live.

Yes, I think if death came to me,

I would greet it.

We Have One Thing that Voldemort Doesn't Have...

Noses and Mushu. Yes, I do mean that little dragon from Mulan.

FLASHBACK to a few blogs ago.

I was left behind in a deserted classroom, wondering how I will defeat the monstrous APUSH teacher...

*Dramatic Fade*

I walk out of the classroom and make my way down the hallway to the bathroom.  

She must be defeated! I cannot let her continue with this havoc reeking...THE REEKING MUST COME TO AN END. I wonder how I am to find the seven parts of her soul...and when I do, how will I destroy them? Oh fiddlesticks, this is just too much for me to handle. I might as  well be a death-eater. My life would be so much easier...

*A dramatic fade within this dramatic fade*

"Gwen...I love you. Will you please marry me?"

"Oh Bruno Mars! I-"

Sorry, wrong fade!

*Dramatic fade out of that dramatic fade all within the constant dramatic fade*

I am wearing a mask and torturing prospective seniors with AP US History. Oh hey look, there's my boss.

"Hey, Boss! How ya-"

She turns around, and I face the most hideous creature in my life!!!!

*GASP* "NO! It's her! I'm sorry I ever thought of this horrible day-dream! I want out! I want out!" I scream in pure, unadulterated agony.

*A more abrupt dramatic fade out of the current dramatic fade all within the dramatic fade*

Ok...let's not have that happen again. EVER.

I'm in the bathroom, contemplating. No, ya freak, I am most certainly not on the potty. Why would I do that? People drown in those things you know. Highly dangerous. No, I am sitting on the windowsill, staring out into the school courtyard.

You know what? I think I could use a sidekick. Yes, yes...someone to help me kick some APUSH butt. I don't know where I could find one. Oh hey, there's something in the courtyard...

"There's something out there...." I murmur as I lean toward the window to get a closer look.  I see a person walking about the courtyard aimlessly.

Well, this isn't exactly what I had in mind...but here goes something-

I open the window and call out, "Hey you!"

The wanderer peers up and waves. Then she continues walking.

"No, no!" I shout. "Listen, I have a question to ask you! Actually, more like a demand. Yes, you must obey me...you cannot refuse once I ask you."

She looks up again with a puzzled look. "What?" She calls out.

"I- Me. Yes, me. I have to ask you-" She still looked confused. "OH FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY, I'M SPEAKING ENGLISH HERE. WHAT ARE YOU TRULY? A ZORBIAN FROM PLANET ZORB?! WOULD GIBBERISH SUIT YOU?! FINE, THEN UOEADLLEABBBLUBBERFABBERMADHATTERRRRBLAHSHINGOMINKFUR-" Oh no! It seems that I have leaned too far out the window!!!

Down

down

down

down 

down

down

down     down....whoops! This down is lost! Let us redirect him...

down

down

down

down

down

dow-

I am, thankfully, saved by a crab-apple tree. And now "down" doesn't sound like a word to me anymore.  You are no son of mine!!!!

You know that feeling when you say a word too much? Gosh, what a long, DOWNward spiral that was, too. Down.

"What was it you were trying to say?" A girl, my age, comes and asks me, ignoring the fact that I am stuck in this most uncomfortable crab-apple tree.

"You. Yes, you. Will be my sidekick in avenging my pigmy puff, who died in infamy, and in the destruction of our most evil teacher." I tumble out of the tree like a rag doll. Today is just not my day. Besides the fact that I have a super-dee-dooper wand-o under my command-o.

"But-" She looks disturbed.

"NO! NO, BUTS. They bother me so." I dust myself off quickly. "Now, come along. We have to destroy our APUSH teacher. You don't happen to know where a part of her soul may be hidden, do you?"

"Um-"

"You know what. I think you and I, myself and yourself, yes- I think we," I point to her and then myself, "we will be good friends. And I know this is hasty, but Christmas is coming and I would like a dragon. Yes, I've always wanted a dragon. Ever since I was a mere child."

"Oh do you now? I happen to be part house elf."

"Oh well, that is FASCINATING." I stop and clap my hands together. "Can you go find me a dragon then? Would you do that?"

"It might take awhile...."

"I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE ONE NOW ELF!!" I shout angrily forgetting the manners my mommy taught me. "I mean, if it wouldn't cause you any trouble...my *friend*." =) <---- Me giving that irresistible smile. I must say that it doesn't really give it justice...but you get the picture.

*Snap cakes, snap cakes, there goes the elf- cakes! Poof!*

Annnnndddd she disappeared into thin air.

"I will take that as a yes!" I say merrily and start walking back to my school when I hear a voice hissing from somewhere within my perimeter....

"Yum, yum, yum....in my tum, tum, tum. If you consume me, BEWARE! Because then I will consume you! Yum, yum, yum."

"Yo ho, a pirate's life for me?" I whisper in return.

"You fool! I am no pirate! How dare you insult me in such a way!"

"Oh, well somebody's crabby." Crabby. Ha. Funny Word. Yet so ironic.....

Suddenly, I feel something burning in my jean pocket. "OMYGOSH WHAT IS HAPPENING?!" I tear through my pocket and pull out a small object and toss it to the ground in horror.  My eyes widen with fright at the sight before me.

A crab-apple is staring at me.

Or I assume that if it had eyes, it would be staring at me.

"You pathetic student! You will fail high school! And when you do, you can expect certain death!! Or work in a beauty salon for your entire life! Either is terrible! Muahahahahaa!!!"

"No...no...that won't happen," I say, terrified of the demonic crab-apple and its prophetic words.

"Oh, but it will! Yesssssss....." It hisses at me in the most repulsive way, I am tempted to kick it.  Unfortunately, pure fear of what may happen if I do encased my very soul.  I refrained from the brash act.  "Your pigmy puff is dead, your house elf friend deserted you, and you are dragonless."  

Everything is going blurry...I can't see straight.  My world is swirling around me...

"No...no..." I murmur, fading in and out of the world around me.  Then I hear a voice beyond the crab-apple.

"Don't listen to it! Destroy it! Hurry up, before it's too late!"

I close my eyes and force myself to find the strength within my heart.  I burst forth making the loudest battle cry I can.

"I AM PROUD TO BE A SPARTAN!" 

"Dude...you're American." 

*Fade is RUDELY interrupted*

"Ok, listen. My story. Not yours. My....story....notyours. And in this story THIS IS SPARTA. AND I AM A HUMBLE SPARTAN. With a really cool wand."

*Dramatic Fade*

With a rush of adreneline, I run and step on the crab-apple with all my might. AH-ha! Yes, it is finally defea-

"Ouchies!!!!" I squeal and jump off. "It bit a hole through my shoe!!!"

I fall down and the crab-apple advances toward me. It has a look of hunger drawn upon its fiber-filled, somewhat nutritional skin. Mmm...tasty! Or it would be if it wasn't evil.

"Stay away!!!" I crawl backwards rather pathetically. It's just about to leap on me and destroy me forever....

"ARGGGGGGGGGGG!!!! AYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAAAAAA!!!"

A red and blue blur flashes before me eyes and when it's gone, so is the crab-apple.  Phew....that was a close one!

I look around curiously and see that a few feet from is my house elf friend! With a dragon! That is feasting on the crab-apple!  Hoo-rah.

"I believe that this is part of that APUSH teacher's soul. She stored it within this crab-apple. Good thing I was able to find this dragon unusually fast or else you'd be...you'd be...huh..."

"Yeah, I dunno what the apple would've done to me either," I say to my house elf friend. "Thanks, though. Oh, and you brought me a dragon!"

"Why, yes! This is an Asian Lung, named Mushu," She pointed toward the dragon.

"I see....it's rather small." More like the size of a shoe....or a mouse. A shoe-mouse.

"I am your guardian dragon!!!!!" It shouted at me in a voice that sounded exactly like Eddie Murphy.

"Uh huh....," I reply, a little distracted by it's non-fierce-some-ness.

"It never shuts up," The part house-elf girl says.

"Well, then that's just adorable!" I say with complete sarcasm. "By the way, I never caught your name."

"My name is-"

"Wait, wait." I interrupt. "No. I need to give you a super-cool sidekick name. I got it. Yes. It is perfect. You will love it, I promise. Yes, your name shall be Howling Meercat."

"Ok, it's better than my real name which is-." BEEPBEEPBEEP. A cop on a scooter beeps us out of his way rudely.  Rude prude.  What a weird name she has....

"Strange....ANYWHO, LET US GO ONWARD WITH THIS PERILOUS JOURNEY INTO THE DARKNESS OF WHICH WE CALL HIGH SCHOOL!!"

"Alright. This should be fun! Too bad I have no choice."

"That's right! You have absolutely no choice!" I say joyfully. "I have a feeling that the next object of which the APUSH teacher's demented soul is in is somewhere located in the cafeteria...."

"Why?"

"Well reason numero uno: I am quite hungry. And quatro: I want to see what it's like to give a jelly legs jinx (I learned this from Starkid Potter) on some jelly."

Eddie Murphy's voice rings out suddenly, "Ain't no way you're going to be eating jelly when the huns are popping up like daisies!" I look down at the shoe-mouse.

"Right...." I smile and nod politely. 

"Ready?" Howling Meercat says finally.

"Let us go. ONWARD!"

*Fantastical fade out of this dramatic fade*

Well, that was fun. Or maybe you were completely bored and hated the whole thing and now hate me forever and ever for ever creating such a stupid blog, and now you feel the nagging urge to throw your compy out the window because this blog just angered you so.

All I can say is- I HATE YOU TOO NOW OUT.

No. Sadly, I can never hate anyone who takes the time out to read this blog, even if it angers them *Cue puppy dog eyes and adorable face*

Just kidding! I can hate you! In fact, if I wanted to, I could most certainly hate you right this instant. But I won't. I love you too darn much!

Not really. Ok, bye.

Wait, no...Just this moment, the thought occurred to me: Why did I never use my wand to destroy the crab-apple? Oh right, right. I know. It is because I have yet to master it. I will. One day. Preferably my next blog or sometime whenever. I'll practice when my parents go to sleep. Ya, believe me, I'm such a rebel!

Signing out of this blog like yeah~

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.

Stay tuned next time...for THE NEXT BLOG, DARN IT. Geez, don't pee yourself. I don't give "sneak peeks." Bye for real peeps!

Releasing Your Inner Super Hero and Eating Peanut Butter Cookies

Ka-PoWw!...Are you a super hero?

"Uhhhh- no.... Who are you? And why are you asking me such a random question....Please, don't steal my peanut butter cookies..." *Slips peanut butter cookie into mouth and munches slowly*

AHA! That's a trick question....

Everyone is!

"WHAT?! But my head was just dunked into a toilet today.....I'm no super hero."

Okay then, everyone except you!

See we all have this inner super hero...I swear we do.  Especially myself, and except that nerd above.

Now, you all know that I am one, but I'm discovering powers I never even knew I had before....

For example, today I kicked some major butt.  And saved some lives while I was at it, too.

I volunteer in this library at my school during my FREE period.  Yeah, just saying that it's my FREE period... A period where I can slack off and do nothing, but I choose the alternative. (Live above the influence!) I SACRIFICE....just saying...Hey! Super heroes make sacrifices....BAM! There's a bit of my inner hero....oh, and there's more.  Of course there is more...

As I was saying, at this library I catalog books.

"Vou are such a loser! Vat's vat vou do in your spare time?! Come 'ere, I vanna dunk your head in thees toilet..."

*Sweat sweat, Panic* "Please, wait!! Back off...I-I...I have a weapon!!!!!" *Points Mega Zappster 3.1 at Olga the Bully*

"Vhoa, Bubbushca...cheellz out....zaight zaight. I gotcha, eet's cool, eet's c-cool."

"Yeah." *Lowers beastly weapon down* "That's what I THOUGHT!"

*Olga runs away, when she's (or he, it was kinda hard to distinguish) out of sight, I point Mega Zappster 3.1 at book barcode*

Beep!

All in a day's work... 

YEAH, THAT'S AFFIRMATIVE! I have a beastly book scanner, and let me tell you, I kick some major book binding butt  with it (alliteration baby...).

Then I do all this MAGICAL stuff like organizing the books I zap with my zapster.  Oh yeah. Be jealous of the zapster.  It's even better than those lame grocery zapsters (those are Mega Zapster 2.1s...not nearly as cool as the 3.1)

With it I'm unstoppable.... that is until I get an emergency call....*Dramatic fade to school scene*

BRINNNNNNGGGG!

*GASP* "There's trouble down the hall in the auditorium where my next class is! If only I had an extension cord...."*sigh*

I shoot down the hall and scan the horizon. Hmm...there seems to be no monster in our midst.  What could the problem possibly be?

"Help...please, someone help...."

A cry for help! Coming from the auditorium!

I glide past civilians and push open the doors. The cry becomes louder- like a pigeon with a broken wing, or a hippo with a cavity- the cry is pathetic and hopeless.

"Help...I need help, please. Anybody?"  

I look around the area....ooooo my teacher is selling chocolate bars this class! I'll take one!!

"I FREAKIN' SAID HELP!"

Goodness....someone's panties are in a bunch now, aren't they?

"I need a pencil....please, anybody...."

Ugh. Really. That's your problem....so now I have to give up my pencil, for you? I don't even know you. What if you're a nose-picker, huh? Let me contemplate this.

"I need a pencil for this test! Please, guys just check if you have one. I really need one."

Oh geez. Don't look over here at me...don't ask me.....I'm not giving up my favorite mechanical pencil!!! NEVER!

"Please...I need one..."

The tension is building and I...I am slowly breaking. "I have a pencil." I finally speak out heroically.

"Really? Thanks! You're a life saver."

Yeah. I know I am. Because I'm a super hero. "Yep. No problem...." Dude, it's such a problem you have no idea. That's my favorite pencil, you better take care of it.

35 minutes later....

"Here, thanks for the pencil!"

Anytime, helpless little student.... "You're welcome." OMGSH YOU RIPPED PART OF THE GRIP TO MY PENCIL OFF. That's the last time you are ever going to see that pencil again...mark my words, punk.

BRIIIIIINNNNNGGG! Another emergency call.

So long Pencil Destructoider. We will meet again....

 

and when we do, bring your own pencil.

I mean seriously, how painful is that to accomplish? Not very, no, not at all.

I fly out, then up and up where I encounter a deep, and dark cave.....

named Economics.

The Cave of Economics.  It sounds scary, but on the contrary 'tis not, fearful internet surfer. Within the cave, there is a lonely, lonely man who sits on a stool and plays the fiddle.

Okay, maybe he doesn't play the fiddle, but he'd be 50 million times cooler if he did.

Instead, he's just a lonely man who sits on a stool and does the bare minimum of teaching! Oh, and in his spare time he plays with his Smart Board. Such a lonely man. Or just a very bored man...maybe if he actually TAUGHT then he wouldn't be bored....

but, YAY! We love not learning, don't we? Especially when we watch youtube videos instead!

Shhhh....gotta keep it on the hush-hush, we don't want The Titan Thumb finding out....aka the head honcho, aka our principalito!

"Morning class. So today we'll be talking about economics. and the economy. and economics...."

10 minutes into going absolutely nowhere.

"Anyone have some videos to youtube?"

Ooooo! That one! That one about the person who does that ridiculous thing they shouldn't have even thought of trying to do and ends up getting hurt, but it's so hysterical it just needed to posted for the whole world to see!

Or that one about.....*gasp!* There's a figure standing outside our door....the shadow fills the rectangular window, blocking out the natural florescent lighting from entering the classroom.

There's no mistaking the thumby shape.....

THE TITAN THUMB!!!

"Ummm...guys...." I try to warn the oblivious students and fiddle playing teacher. The doorknob begins to turn.... "NOOOOOO!!!!" I yell with all my might, leap from my seat, and rip out my giant pair of nail clippers.

I swing them around wildly in the view of the beast behind the door, and I can sense his hesistation as the doorknob flips back into place.  His shadow lessens as he backs away.  Soon he is out of sight.... I turn to my class, at first everyone is gaping with shock, but when they realize what has just happened, I am greeted with relentless cheers.

"Enough my peers. 'Twas only a cowardous beast. We shall no longer live in fear. As long as I'm around that is."

"Will you sign my nail clippers?!" A scream reaches my ears as I try to hold off the joyous crowd.

"Ew, no way, freak."  

The crowd becomes too much for me...I make an escape out the window and soar away as the class waves enthusiatically from within.

*Fades away from school scene*

That was me releasing my inner super hero. We all can with a bit of trust and pixie dust! So no matter who you are, relinquish your super hero, and set it loose upon your school to save it from complete disaster!!!

Thoughts on this blog? Maybe you hated it because you're a super villain. In that case- stay for some tea and we can chat about your broken childhood and how your parents never baked you those chocolate chip oatmeal cookies so now you've grown to be this detestable human being  reeking disaster everywhere.

Just Kidding.

OUT NOW YOU FIEND OR I WILL ZAP YOU WITH THIS PRETTY CHILL ZAPSTER.

Maybe you loved this blog because I taught you how to release your inner super hero.  

Actually...I just talked about it....never really "taught" you....just like my fiddle playing teach!

Well here: Don't think- just be the hero you are. Where ever you are, what ever you're doing- be the hero.

*Sniff* So touching....EAT THE PEANUT BUTTER COOKIE!

*Slips cookie slowly into mouth and munches suspiciously...*

Fo reals. Just take the cookie given to you and eat it. And if you're going to eat it, eat it with confidence. That's right you! Fix yo' posture.

Aight, my homies. I'll be back.....

KAPOW! BLAM! WHAM! ZAPPP! ZINGG! 

Beep!

Signing out of this blog like yeah-

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.