Just Some Random Thoughts

Hey guys!


Yeah, I know...it's been awhile.


More than awhile, really. Like weeks. Months. 


Years.


Not really.


But close.


No....


Whatever.


Wow, I haven't written a post in a freaking LONG time!  


Funny story: I was bopping around on the internet like I always do, until I witnessed the most horrific Facebook incident, that it honestly made me puke.


Ok, not puke, but it made me want to write a hate-filled, anger driven, post about how STUPID girls are/can be.


I threw my headphones on and thought "I'm writing a post about stupid girls! I don't even know what time it is because my phone is lost somewhere in my tidal wave of college crap from moving out (Yes, freshman year has ended and it freaking ROCKED)!"


 Until I realized the time is always, unwaveringly located on my laptop. *Duh...


Well, after I decided that I was going to write this post about stupid girls, I decided that why stop at stupid girls? Let's talk about how stupid people can be in general!


On my mark, get set.....GOOO!


So first off, who in the right state of mind would create a photo album entitled "this is what you left behind" and post pictures of herself in front of some ugly curtain, biting her lip in the most awkward/non-modelesque way (hello? you're not a model)?


That's right! No one with stable mental health would do such a thing. 


Next - why would you quote yourself in a status? Who are you? Ghandi? Did you fight for some cause that changed the course of the future?  


Maybe you're fighting for Idiot Rights. 


I don't know.


But unless you're Oprah, George Washington, or the Mean Girl's script - you should NOT be quoting yourself. 


Moving on... - boys!


Boys- unless you are gay, stop acting gay.


Taking millions of pictures of yourselves before you go out on a Friday night to get drunk is not masculine in the least bit.


Posting the pictures on Facebook is an even bigger N-O.


Bringing the camera out with you....that's even gayer than Richard Simmons teaching a spinning class....


Listen, even I, a girl - a fully functioning female who loves all those girly things - won't bring a camera out with her on a Friday night. It's weird.  


Really....what do you do? Get the bouncer of the club to hold your lipstick as you search through your purse to find your camera so you and your 'buddies' can get a decent group shot?


Ew.


No. Just stop....existing.


Just kidding. 


Continue to exist.


But don't bring your camera with you to document your existence.  You're a guy.  Go throw a football or scratch those places where the sun don't shine. Do anything, please, but take pictures of yourself..... Please.


Which brings me to the topic of the classic mirror/phone in face default picture on Facebook.


You know what? No, I can't even bring myself to talk about that topic.


All I'll say is, I'm assuming people are liking your profile picture because they can't see your face behind your huge-ass smartphone with the blinding flash that is reflecting off of the mirror surface.


Great shot of you. Really - never looked better!


Anywho, this is fun! I'm letting off some steam here.  Wow, I feel like a teapot.


Just letting out all of that steam.  It's like a sauna.  


Mmmm. Clean pores.


Next topic!


I absolutely hate being second best all of the time.


Honestly, though, if you knew my life - hahahaha 


It's a joke.


A funny one, I'll give it that.  I mean, even I laugh at it - ha ha ha!


Ew...I sound crazy. No more crazy laughing through a post.


Seriously though.  


People need to stop coming to me, acting like their world is coming to a tragic end because of stupid crap, making me feel like I'm actually making them feel better, which makes me feel like I'm an awesome friend, only to find out that - hey! you're doing a whole lot better the next day! And wow. You're best friends with the person you were venting to me about - about how miserable she was making you feel.  And now, I'm sitting here, alone, like an idiot.


Please - maybe next time you can bring a check considering I'm practically only a therapist to you and NOT a friend. Psh, it's okay - I need the money anyway.


To buy myself a truck.  A big truck!


Topic switch!


I want a truck so badly.  How hot would that be?  Carting my girly ass all around town in a huge, awesome truck?


It would be beyond awesome, okay?  It would be...a word that I can't think of now because I am too exhausted.


Also, another topic change - why can't guys just like the girls that like them?  


See, I like this guy, and I am 100% positive that no girl likes him as much as I do - so why can't I win?  Why can't the person the other person likes the most just like that person back?


Ugh, that was confusing.


Why does Spotify have ads?


Why can't he just seeeeee


Why can't I just say "Yo! You. I like you."


And why can't he be like, "Hey, I heard you were a wild oneeeeeeee!"


Why can't we sing a duet to "Don't Mess With My Man?"


Why am I still typing ridiculous things.....


Why am I listening to oldies right now?


I like the oldies that's why...


Why do I keep asking questions?


Ugh, it's like my philosophy class all over again.


THAT was a nightmare.


And I don't give a damn about my reputationnnnnn.


Why do I have a Twitter account? I hate Twitter.


Why am I still awake....


I need to be up by 7 am.


Happy Eve of Mother's Day!


Okay...that's enough.


May we all have sweet dreams about extremely hot baseball players.


Signing out of this blog like yeah~
Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.

Releasing Your Inner Super Hero and Eating Peanut Butter Cookies

Ka-PoWw!...Are you a super hero?

"Uhhhh- no.... Who are you? And why are you asking me such a random question....Please, don't steal my peanut butter cookies..." *Slips peanut butter cookie into mouth and munches slowly*

AHA! That's a trick question....

Everyone is!

"WHAT?! But my head was just dunked into a toilet today.....I'm no super hero."

Okay then, everyone except you!

See we all have this inner super hero...I swear we do.  Especially myself, and except that nerd above.

Now, you all know that I am one, but I'm discovering powers I never even knew I had before....

For example, today I kicked some major butt.  And saved some lives while I was at it, too.

I volunteer in this library at my school during my FREE period.  Yeah, just saying that it's my FREE period... A period where I can slack off and do nothing, but I choose the alternative. (Live above the influence!) I SACRIFICE....just saying...Hey! Super heroes make sacrifices....BAM! There's a bit of my inner hero....oh, and there's more.  Of course there is more...

As I was saying, at this library I catalog books.

"Vou are such a loser! Vat's vat vou do in your spare time?! Come 'ere, I vanna dunk your head in thees toilet..."

*Sweat sweat, Panic* "Please, wait!! Back off...I-I...I have a weapon!!!!!" *Points Mega Zappster 3.1 at Olga the Bully*

"Vhoa, Bubbushca...cheellz out....zaight zaight. I gotcha, eet's cool, eet's c-cool."

"Yeah." *Lowers beastly weapon down* "That's what I THOUGHT!"

*Olga runs away, when she's (or he, it was kinda hard to distinguish) out of sight, I point Mega Zappster 3.1 at book barcode*

Beep!

All in a day's work... 

YEAH, THAT'S AFFIRMATIVE! I have a beastly book scanner, and let me tell you, I kick some major book binding butt  with it (alliteration baby...).

Then I do all this MAGICAL stuff like organizing the books I zap with my zapster.  Oh yeah. Be jealous of the zapster.  It's even better than those lame grocery zapsters (those are Mega Zapster 2.1s...not nearly as cool as the 3.1)

With it I'm unstoppable.... that is until I get an emergency call....*Dramatic fade to school scene*

BRINNNNNNGGGG!

*GASP* "There's trouble down the hall in the auditorium where my next class is! If only I had an extension cord...."*sigh*

I shoot down the hall and scan the horizon. Hmm...there seems to be no monster in our midst.  What could the problem possibly be?

"Help...please, someone help...."

A cry for help! Coming from the auditorium!

I glide past civilians and push open the doors. The cry becomes louder- like a pigeon with a broken wing, or a hippo with a cavity- the cry is pathetic and hopeless.

"Help...I need help, please. Anybody?"  

I look around the area....ooooo my teacher is selling chocolate bars this class! I'll take one!!

"I FREAKIN' SAID HELP!"

Goodness....someone's panties are in a bunch now, aren't they?

"I need a pencil....please, anybody...."

Ugh. Really. That's your problem....so now I have to give up my pencil, for you? I don't even know you. What if you're a nose-picker, huh? Let me contemplate this.

"I need a pencil for this test! Please, guys just check if you have one. I really need one."

Oh geez. Don't look over here at me...don't ask me.....I'm not giving up my favorite mechanical pencil!!! NEVER!

"Please...I need one..."

The tension is building and I...I am slowly breaking. "I have a pencil." I finally speak out heroically.

"Really? Thanks! You're a life saver."

Yeah. I know I am. Because I'm a super hero. "Yep. No problem...." Dude, it's such a problem you have no idea. That's my favorite pencil, you better take care of it.

35 minutes later....

"Here, thanks for the pencil!"

Anytime, helpless little student.... "You're welcome." OMGSH YOU RIPPED PART OF THE GRIP TO MY PENCIL OFF. That's the last time you are ever going to see that pencil again...mark my words, punk.

BRIIIIIINNNNNGGG! Another emergency call.

So long Pencil Destructoider. We will meet again....

 

and when we do, bring your own pencil.

I mean seriously, how painful is that to accomplish? Not very, no, not at all.

I fly out, then up and up where I encounter a deep, and dark cave.....

named Economics.

The Cave of Economics.  It sounds scary, but on the contrary 'tis not, fearful internet surfer. Within the cave, there is a lonely, lonely man who sits on a stool and plays the fiddle.

Okay, maybe he doesn't play the fiddle, but he'd be 50 million times cooler if he did.

Instead, he's just a lonely man who sits on a stool and does the bare minimum of teaching! Oh, and in his spare time he plays with his Smart Board. Such a lonely man. Or just a very bored man...maybe if he actually TAUGHT then he wouldn't be bored....

but, YAY! We love not learning, don't we? Especially when we watch youtube videos instead!

Shhhh....gotta keep it on the hush-hush, we don't want The Titan Thumb finding out....aka the head honcho, aka our principalito!

"Morning class. So today we'll be talking about economics. and the economy. and economics...."

10 minutes into going absolutely nowhere.

"Anyone have some videos to youtube?"

Ooooo! That one! That one about the person who does that ridiculous thing they shouldn't have even thought of trying to do and ends up getting hurt, but it's so hysterical it just needed to posted for the whole world to see!

Or that one about.....*gasp!* There's a figure standing outside our door....the shadow fills the rectangular window, blocking out the natural florescent lighting from entering the classroom.

There's no mistaking the thumby shape.....

THE TITAN THUMB!!!

"Ummm...guys...." I try to warn the oblivious students and fiddle playing teacher. The doorknob begins to turn.... "NOOOOOO!!!!" I yell with all my might, leap from my seat, and rip out my giant pair of nail clippers.

I swing them around wildly in the view of the beast behind the door, and I can sense his hesistation as the doorknob flips back into place.  His shadow lessens as he backs away.  Soon he is out of sight.... I turn to my class, at first everyone is gaping with shock, but when they realize what has just happened, I am greeted with relentless cheers.

"Enough my peers. 'Twas only a cowardous beast. We shall no longer live in fear. As long as I'm around that is."

"Will you sign my nail clippers?!" A scream reaches my ears as I try to hold off the joyous crowd.

"Ew, no way, freak."  

The crowd becomes too much for me...I make an escape out the window and soar away as the class waves enthusiatically from within.

*Fades away from school scene*

That was me releasing my inner super hero. We all can with a bit of trust and pixie dust! So no matter who you are, relinquish your super hero, and set it loose upon your school to save it from complete disaster!!!

Thoughts on this blog? Maybe you hated it because you're a super villain. In that case- stay for some tea and we can chat about your broken childhood and how your parents never baked you those chocolate chip oatmeal cookies so now you've grown to be this detestable human being  reeking disaster everywhere.

Just Kidding.

OUT NOW YOU FIEND OR I WILL ZAP YOU WITH THIS PRETTY CHILL ZAPSTER.

Maybe you loved this blog because I taught you how to release your inner super hero.  

Actually...I just talked about it....never really "taught" you....just like my fiddle playing teach!

Well here: Don't think- just be the hero you are. Where ever you are, what ever you're doing- be the hero.

*Sniff* So touching....EAT THE PEANUT BUTTER COOKIE!

*Slips cookie slowly into mouth and munches suspiciously...*

Fo reals. Just take the cookie given to you and eat it. And if you're going to eat it, eat it with confidence. That's right you! Fix yo' posture.

Aight, my homies. I'll be back.....

KAPOW! BLAM! WHAM! ZAPPP! ZINGG! 

Beep!

Signing out of this blog like yeah-

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.