Just A Normal Post...

Let's see how normal this post can last.


So! I forgot to tell you I have a *new* laptop! Sheila is collecting dust somewhere...Huh....I wonder where she is collecting dust....


Anywho.


This one is named Leo!


Yay!


So yeah. That's all I had planned to say, but I guess I'll keep going for the sake of my BOREDOM.


Some people are so mean.  Am I right?


What is wrong with half of the world? Do we need to say rude, unnecessary things? And use such vulgar language?


NO! 


Here's a lesson: If you have a negative comment or a rude remark, then keep it to yourself.  


Now, knowing me, I have a closest full that's bursting at the hinges with mean criticisms I could spew at society. And do I?


Yes! I do!


But maybe it'd be better if I stopped. Like for example, I should stop calling the guy who I liked/like/whatever the hell I feel a dirty, rotten, heartless, rat-like, piggish, butt munching, stupid, ugly, charming, gay, beautiful, jerk. 


*Cough.


That's not quite nice....


Or another example: calling every annoying skank on Facebook (you know, the "like the pic, not the link" twit faces) an annoying skank.  Because they are probably insecure and need mental help.


I'm not very good at this. I'm sorry.


Nevermind this nonsense, topic change!


You know what I've been addicted to lately?


Twitter.


It's so cool because you can make it look pretty! 


I put an ocean wave as my background picture and and I have sea blues and greens as my font colors!  Also, I'm purposefully trying to have hardly any followers because I can tweet about whatever I want without people being offended or me worrying about what other people might think.  


There's too many people on Facebook for me. And it doesn't look as pretty and it's annoying compared to Twitter. Although, thinking of it, people piss me off on Twitter, too.  


I can't escape from the imbeciles. That's why I seclude myself more often than not.  I try to escape them, but they always find me.


Speaking of imbeciles.


Whose idea was it to take pitchforks and burn torches to run out every surrounding town's village idiot into my town?  


No, really.


Driving on my main road today was like being swept up in a horrible circus act with clowns zipping all around me in minivans and moving trucks.


YES. MOVING TRUCKS.


This big, dirty truck that I had been keeping my eye on for a long time (because I saw it stall in the middle of the road...YEAH KIND OF DANGEROUS) decides to pull out right in front of me.


And what is it with people talking on the cell phone?


HELLOOOO ANSWER THIS: WHY ARE YOU DRIVING 60 MPH WITH BOTH HANDS OFF THE FREAKING WHEEL? BECAUSE OMGSH DANNY TEXTED YOU AND YOU JUST HAVE TO TEXT BACK? Um, I don't think that's an excuse! It'll sound like a poor one when people try to explain your untimely croaking!


Enough of this.


Simply thinking of the main road I have to drive on everyday makes my right foot slam down on an invisible gas pedal.


No, no...I don't have road rage...


Not that much anyway.


Well, that's all I have in me for today. 


Signing out of this blog like yeah~
Gwen the Super Hero, over and out

Starting Fresh!

And so far I want to crawl in a hole and weep.

Well readers, I've done the most tragic thing possible.  I'm starting over with my whole novel.  I've written four pages so far, and I HATE IT.  I'm so distressed right now.  I need some kind of inspiration because my imagination is lacking.

That's all.

Signing out of this blog like yeah~

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.

 

Cafeteria CHAOS. That Jello is NOT Mellow....

Let's see where I left off with in the mission of destroying my APUSH teacher....

*Shimmery glimmery fade to THE CAFETERIA*

I walk into the medium-sized cafeteria with Howling Meercat by my side and Mushu, my dragon, on my shoulder hissing at every inanimate object.

"Why do you keep hissing at inanimate objects, shoe-mouse?!" I yell in utter frustration.

"Hisssssss.....because I sense DANGER YO! Hisssssssss.....Are we not trying to find that crazy old teacher's soul or not?!" He exclaims while pulling on my ear lobe.

Hm. He has a point.  Perhaps he'll be able to scare the soul straight from the inanimate object by hissing....but then again his intimidation level is like....'level not scary.'

"Fine, whatever. And stop pulling on my lobe!"  We walk down a row of empty tables, the remains of last period's lunch still present.  I pick up a string cheese wrapper, give it a sniff, then place it back on the table.

"What is it?" Howling Meercat asks, noting the puzzling look on my face.

"Nothing. It's just strange how some people do not throw away trash." I glance down at my watch, wanting to be conscious of the time.  12:09:35.

25 more seconds. My heart is pounding. 25 MORE SECONDS!!!!

"Guys hurry up!" I screech. "We need to move." I am half way to the destination I must reach when it happens.

The bell rings.

RINGGGGGGGGGG!!!!

The sound is like a gentle stream at first.  Tranquil.  Then it sounds like when you turn on the water to your bathtub.  Rushing....but not so desperate- calming almost.  Suddenly, the sound is like a fierce waterfall, and I find I'm joining in on the percussion of rapid beats.  I'm sprinting down the length of the cafeteria, with the power of the crowd right behind me.  I blink my eyes, and when I open them, hands are all around me, reaching, pulling, snatching....

"LET GO!" I demand through clenched teeth.  I tug away with all my strength and AHA!

I fly backwards with a cup of green jello in my hands!   The last one, too! Hoo-rah. 

In your face pesky freshman! I go to the front of the line and pay 50 cents for the delectable gelatin.  Now, where are my accomplices?  I am about to go searching for them when I hear someone snickering behind me.

"Snicker...snicker...."  I whirl around and face......IT. My heart drops down into my stomach so hard I feel like I'm about to fall to the ground.  I can't appear this way - I must look composed.

"Hello, I see you're purchasing today's gelatin as well!" I say charitably, trying not to say "and you could readily do without it!" Instead, I mention, "The crowd was quite relentless, was it not?"

"I see what you're trying to do," She, my dreaded APUSH teacher, hisses. "Why yes, I do agree the crowd was relentless. Especially myself...." She laughs and hands the lunch lady 60 cents. "You can keep the change, you filthy animal."  She waddles off and I notice she doesn't take a spoon with her. Odd.

"I'll take that," I say to the lunch lady as I grab the 10 cents and hurry after the monster with jello.  I keep a good five feet behind her, so if she turns around to see if anyone is following her I can easily hide myself behind the bulk of her body.  I am trailing after her out of the cafeteria, and this is when I know that something very strange is occurring....why are we leaving?  I wonder if I should run back to find my partners, but I figure that at the moment this is more crucial.  I only hope that they do not worry where I am.

*Flash to where accomplices are*

"Woohoo!!! Go Mushu! Go Mushu!" *Mushu chugs jello as Howling Meercat cheers*

*Flash back to following APUSH teacher*

I continue to follow until she is in her room.  I watch her go inside, then shut the door.  I don't want to go with her for she would surely notice my presence if I did.  I peer through the vertical window and see the horror within.

She puts the jello on the table but does not eat it.  No, she in fact observes it for a moment, then stuffs it into a suitcase.  AHA! I can't help myself now, this may be my only chance.

I burst through the door and yell, "I've got you now, you beast!"  She falls over in surprise, and I do not wait for her to struggle to get back up.  "Alohomora!"  The suitcase flies open and I lunge for the jello.  I hold it in my hands shakily, not sure what the spirit within will try to do to me.  Before I think of it too long, I rip out my wand.  "My wand's name is Dave send this jello-soul to its grave!"

The jello melts, and I laugh out of shock/happiness.  "That was pretty easy!"

"Fool!" Uh-oh. She has arisen amongst her rolls of fat, her tiny head peering over the mound of her body.  Her eyes glow red as she tremors,  "That was my jello and not my soul! Now, I will not have an evening snack! You shall feel my wrath!"  Good thing she put on a few pounds or else she would've grabbed me by the neck before I had a chance to jump out the window on the right.  And, yes. I jumped out the window in full realization that I was completely wrong about the jello.  The whole way down that's all I thought about.

"I was wrong....wrong, wrong, wrong..."  I land in a crab apple tree, then slide down quickly.  I need to find my gang to warn them of my terrible mistake.  I burst through the doors of the cafeteria and see that it is again deserted, except for two figures at the very end.  My friends!  I run and start shouting about what has happened but then slowly come to a stop to see that Howling Meercat is tied and gagged. 

And Mushu is tying the final knot around her feet.

"Oh, are we playing Cops and Robbers? I thought that was every Saturday night-"

"Foooooollll!!!" Mushu leaps onto Meercat's lap and shouts at me. "This is not Cops and Robbers!"

"Oh, is it- well I can't think of another game this would be...," I say completely puzzled.

"It is no game!!!!! You are to perish! See I have tied your friend up to throw her into the oven! And you shall be next!!!"  Before I can make another attempt at guessing what game we are playing, he lunges at my face.  

"Oww! Hey-muff-oof-Get off my face!!!" I manage to throw him off and while he falls to the ground I see a peculiar sight....

An empty, smoking jello cup on the table.

"Mushu! Did you eat that jello?!" 

"Of course I did! It's irresistible! Now, time to bake in the oven, girl!"  He again leaps at me, but I kick him across the floor. 

"No!!! Mushu! That jello contained the soul of my APUSH teacher!"  I think back to when he ate the crab-apple...why didn't he turn evil then?  I help Meercat and ask what is going on.

"I think it's the accumulation of evil...See he ate the crab-apple which made him 40% evil, now he's eaten the jello, too, so that's another 40%.  He's now 80% evil!!!" Howling Meercat yells over Mushu's loud hissing.

"So that means..."  We both don't want to say it, but we know it's true.  Mushu will have to be destroyed.

I decide that I must not think too long about it, so I rush over and grab him by the tail.  He wriggles helplessly the whole time and, with tears in my eyes, I toss him into the kitchen's oven.

I sit down with Howling Meercat and explain the whole situation about our APUSH teacher.

"I think she knew that Mushu bought her jello.  She wanted him to eat it and become...like her.  So, to distract me, she bought a different jello.  One to lure me out of the cafeteria while the transformation would take place. Sadly, it worked....poor Mushu."

Howling Meercat stares down at her feet. "Poor, poor Mushu. I suppose we should leave now.  Finish this mission as soon as possible.  Where to next?"

For once, I don't have a clue.

"I don't have a clue."

END.

     

Well, that was slightly depressing! Don't worry it will get better. The APUSH teacher must be destroyed no matter what!

Signing out of this blog like yeah~

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.

Reading Between the Lines. Let My Words Cry.

Her Lovely Fate (An Original)

A girl bound to hopes and dreams

stared out across the endless sea.

Salty mist and gloomy clouds

and bitter tears are what called her out.

A grainy blanket warmed her feet,

the only comfort she received.

Eyes to waves, the connection was made.

A bond, a cord of the strongest emotion.

Her heart beat with the crash of the waves

and she tossed it out to satisfy her crave.

And forever it remains.

They called out to her, the other ones,

so she kissed her love good-bye.

But while away, she cried and cried,

“My heart is gone! I will surely die!”

She fled from that place and journeyed in haste.

Her love awaited, forever stalemated

between rocks and sand and grassy land.

The wooden pier splintered her feet,

her heart now at a faster beat.

The storm raged like an animal caged

as she cried out, “My love, I'm back! My heart, I'm back!”

The ocean spray, salty and light,

never brought her so much delight.

The others arrived in worry, spotted her and ran in a hurry.

Their cries, their yells, and shouts of fear

could not pass the ocean to her ears.

She closed her eyes, arms spread to fly,

and leaped from the balcony's wooden side.

The icy waters hugged her lungs,

welcoming her from her loving plunge.

The salty waves held her in a tie,

and she fervently hoped there to die.

In a lover's embrace, forever encased,

her body floats there

and forever remains.

A New Language Has Been Discovered on My Blog

ഹി മൈ നെയിം ഈസ്‌ ഗ്വെന്‍ പുച്കെട്റ്റ് ആന്‍ഡ്‌ ഐ അം സ്പീകിംഗ്‌ അനോതെര്‍ ലാംഗ്വേജ് ദിസ്‌ ലങ്ഗുഗെ സ്ക്രിപ്റ്റ് ഈസ്‌ രീല്ലി പ്രേട്ടി. യു ഹാവ് എ നൈസ് ലാംഗ്വേജ് ഐ വൌല്ദ് ലൈക്‌ ടോ ലീര്ന്‍ ഇറ്റ്‌ ഓനെ ഡേ. ഐ തിങ്ക്‌ ഇറ്റ്‌ വില്‍ ഹെല്പ് മൈ സുല്ടുരല്ലി

I never knew I could speak another language! Isn't the writing beautiful? I am embracing other cultures. This proves it. Ok, that is all.  This blog is a bit of a tease. Oh, I'm so flirtatious. 

Oh, and hey updates! Yeah! The design has changed. Why? Well I changed a big picture at the top and it matches better with this design I chose. That's all!

Signing out of this blog like yeah~

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.

We Have One Thing that Voldemort Doesn't Have...

Noses and Mushu. Yes, I do mean that little dragon from Mulan.

FLASHBACK to a few blogs ago.

I was left behind in a deserted classroom, wondering how I will defeat the monstrous APUSH teacher...

*Dramatic Fade*

I walk out of the classroom and make my way down the hallway to the bathroom.  

She must be defeated! I cannot let her continue with this havoc reeking...THE REEKING MUST COME TO AN END. I wonder how I am to find the seven parts of her soul...and when I do, how will I destroy them? Oh fiddlesticks, this is just too much for me to handle. I might as  well be a death-eater. My life would be so much easier...

*A dramatic fade within this dramatic fade*

"Gwen...I love you. Will you please marry me?"

"Oh Bruno Mars! I-"

Sorry, wrong fade!

*Dramatic fade out of that dramatic fade all within the constant dramatic fade*

I am wearing a mask and torturing prospective seniors with AP US History. Oh hey look, there's my boss.

"Hey, Boss! How ya-"

She turns around, and I face the most hideous creature in my life!!!!

*GASP* "NO! It's her! I'm sorry I ever thought of this horrible day-dream! I want out! I want out!" I scream in pure, unadulterated agony.

*A more abrupt dramatic fade out of the current dramatic fade all within the dramatic fade*

Ok...let's not have that happen again. EVER.

I'm in the bathroom, contemplating. No, ya freak, I am most certainly not on the potty. Why would I do that? People drown in those things you know. Highly dangerous. No, I am sitting on the windowsill, staring out into the school courtyard.

You know what? I think I could use a sidekick. Yes, yes...someone to help me kick some APUSH butt. I don't know where I could find one. Oh hey, there's something in the courtyard...

"There's something out there...." I murmur as I lean toward the window to get a closer look.  I see a person walking about the courtyard aimlessly.

Well, this isn't exactly what I had in mind...but here goes something-

I open the window and call out, "Hey you!"

The wanderer peers up and waves. Then she continues walking.

"No, no!" I shout. "Listen, I have a question to ask you! Actually, more like a demand. Yes, you must obey me...you cannot refuse once I ask you."

She looks up again with a puzzled look. "What?" She calls out.

"I- Me. Yes, me. I have to ask you-" She still looked confused. "OH FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY, I'M SPEAKING ENGLISH HERE. WHAT ARE YOU TRULY? A ZORBIAN FROM PLANET ZORB?! WOULD GIBBERISH SUIT YOU?! FINE, THEN UOEADLLEABBBLUBBERFABBERMADHATTERRRRBLAHSHINGOMINKFUR-" Oh no! It seems that I have leaned too far out the window!!!

Down

down

down

down 

down

down

down     down....whoops! This down is lost! Let us redirect him...

down

down

down

down

down

dow-

I am, thankfully, saved by a crab-apple tree. And now "down" doesn't sound like a word to me anymore.  You are no son of mine!!!!

You know that feeling when you say a word too much? Gosh, what a long, DOWNward spiral that was, too. Down.

"What was it you were trying to say?" A girl, my age, comes and asks me, ignoring the fact that I am stuck in this most uncomfortable crab-apple tree.

"You. Yes, you. Will be my sidekick in avenging my pigmy puff, who died in infamy, and in the destruction of our most evil teacher." I tumble out of the tree like a rag doll. Today is just not my day. Besides the fact that I have a super-dee-dooper wand-o under my command-o.

"But-" She looks disturbed.

"NO! NO, BUTS. They bother me so." I dust myself off quickly. "Now, come along. We have to destroy our APUSH teacher. You don't happen to know where a part of her soul may be hidden, do you?"

"Um-"

"You know what. I think you and I, myself and yourself, yes- I think we," I point to her and then myself, "we will be good friends. And I know this is hasty, but Christmas is coming and I would like a dragon. Yes, I've always wanted a dragon. Ever since I was a mere child."

"Oh do you now? I happen to be part house elf."

"Oh well, that is FASCINATING." I stop and clap my hands together. "Can you go find me a dragon then? Would you do that?"

"It might take awhile...."

"I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE ONE NOW ELF!!" I shout angrily forgetting the manners my mommy taught me. "I mean, if it wouldn't cause you any trouble...my *friend*." =) <---- Me giving that irresistible smile. I must say that it doesn't really give it justice...but you get the picture.

*Snap cakes, snap cakes, there goes the elf- cakes! Poof!*

Annnnndddd she disappeared into thin air.

"I will take that as a yes!" I say merrily and start walking back to my school when I hear a voice hissing from somewhere within my perimeter....

"Yum, yum, yum....in my tum, tum, tum. If you consume me, BEWARE! Because then I will consume you! Yum, yum, yum."

"Yo ho, a pirate's life for me?" I whisper in return.

"You fool! I am no pirate! How dare you insult me in such a way!"

"Oh, well somebody's crabby." Crabby. Ha. Funny Word. Yet so ironic.....

Suddenly, I feel something burning in my jean pocket. "OMYGOSH WHAT IS HAPPENING?!" I tear through my pocket and pull out a small object and toss it to the ground in horror.  My eyes widen with fright at the sight before me.

A crab-apple is staring at me.

Or I assume that if it had eyes, it would be staring at me.

"You pathetic student! You will fail high school! And when you do, you can expect certain death!! Or work in a beauty salon for your entire life! Either is terrible! Muahahahahaa!!!"

"No...no...that won't happen," I say, terrified of the demonic crab-apple and its prophetic words.

"Oh, but it will! Yesssssss....." It hisses at me in the most repulsive way, I am tempted to kick it.  Unfortunately, pure fear of what may happen if I do encased my very soul.  I refrained from the brash act.  "Your pigmy puff is dead, your house elf friend deserted you, and you are dragonless."  

Everything is going blurry...I can't see straight.  My world is swirling around me...

"No...no..." I murmur, fading in and out of the world around me.  Then I hear a voice beyond the crab-apple.

"Don't listen to it! Destroy it! Hurry up, before it's too late!"

I close my eyes and force myself to find the strength within my heart.  I burst forth making the loudest battle cry I can.

"I AM PROUD TO BE A SPARTAN!" 

"Dude...you're American." 

*Fade is RUDELY interrupted*

"Ok, listen. My story. Not yours. My....story....notyours. And in this story THIS IS SPARTA. AND I AM A HUMBLE SPARTAN. With a really cool wand."

*Dramatic Fade*

With a rush of adreneline, I run and step on the crab-apple with all my might. AH-ha! Yes, it is finally defea-

"Ouchies!!!!" I squeal and jump off. "It bit a hole through my shoe!!!"

I fall down and the crab-apple advances toward me. It has a look of hunger drawn upon its fiber-filled, somewhat nutritional skin. Mmm...tasty! Or it would be if it wasn't evil.

"Stay away!!!" I crawl backwards rather pathetically. It's just about to leap on me and destroy me forever....

"ARGGGGGGGGGGG!!!! AYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAAAAAA!!!"

A red and blue blur flashes before me eyes and when it's gone, so is the crab-apple.  Phew....that was a close one!

I look around curiously and see that a few feet from is my house elf friend! With a dragon! That is feasting on the crab-apple!  Hoo-rah.

"I believe that this is part of that APUSH teacher's soul. She stored it within this crab-apple. Good thing I was able to find this dragon unusually fast or else you'd be...you'd be...huh..."

"Yeah, I dunno what the apple would've done to me either," I say to my house elf friend. "Thanks, though. Oh, and you brought me a dragon!"

"Why, yes! This is an Asian Lung, named Mushu," She pointed toward the dragon.

"I see....it's rather small." More like the size of a shoe....or a mouse. A shoe-mouse.

"I am your guardian dragon!!!!!" It shouted at me in a voice that sounded exactly like Eddie Murphy.

"Uh huh....," I reply, a little distracted by it's non-fierce-some-ness.

"It never shuts up," The part house-elf girl says.

"Well, then that's just adorable!" I say with complete sarcasm. "By the way, I never caught your name."

"My name is-"

"Wait, wait." I interrupt. "No. I need to give you a super-cool sidekick name. I got it. Yes. It is perfect. You will love it, I promise. Yes, your name shall be Howling Meercat."

"Ok, it's better than my real name which is-." BEEPBEEPBEEP. A cop on a scooter beeps us out of his way rudely.  Rude prude.  What a weird name she has....

"Strange....ANYWHO, LET US GO ONWARD WITH THIS PERILOUS JOURNEY INTO THE DARKNESS OF WHICH WE CALL HIGH SCHOOL!!"

"Alright. This should be fun! Too bad I have no choice."

"That's right! You have absolutely no choice!" I say joyfully. "I have a feeling that the next object of which the APUSH teacher's demented soul is in is somewhere located in the cafeteria...."

"Why?"

"Well reason numero uno: I am quite hungry. And quatro: I want to see what it's like to give a jelly legs jinx (I learned this from Starkid Potter) on some jelly."

Eddie Murphy's voice rings out suddenly, "Ain't no way you're going to be eating jelly when the huns are popping up like daisies!" I look down at the shoe-mouse.

"Right...." I smile and nod politely. 

"Ready?" Howling Meercat says finally.

"Let us go. ONWARD!"

*Fantastical fade out of this dramatic fade*

Well, that was fun. Or maybe you were completely bored and hated the whole thing and now hate me forever and ever for ever creating such a stupid blog, and now you feel the nagging urge to throw your compy out the window because this blog just angered you so.

All I can say is- I HATE YOU TOO NOW OUT.

No. Sadly, I can never hate anyone who takes the time out to read this blog, even if it angers them *Cue puppy dog eyes and adorable face*

Just kidding! I can hate you! In fact, if I wanted to, I could most certainly hate you right this instant. But I won't. I love you too darn much!

Not really. Ok, bye.

Wait, no...Just this moment, the thought occurred to me: Why did I never use my wand to destroy the crab-apple? Oh right, right. I know. It is because I have yet to master it. I will. One day. Preferably my next blog or sometime whenever. I'll practice when my parents go to sleep. Ya, believe me, I'm such a rebel!

Signing out of this blog like yeah~

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.

Stay tuned next time...for THE NEXT BLOG, DARN IT. Geez, don't pee yourself. I don't give "sneak peeks." Bye for real peeps!

Over the Hills and Through the Woods to Splitsville We Go.

The art of breaking up. It can be complicated, depressing, horrible, ugly, pretty, life-changing, a volcanic eruption, or totally awesome!(not really) Thankfully, I'm here to save you. You can always count on me. I advise you to take some of these helpful tips. It can make breaking-up seem fun! Then you go home and cry for hours with a bowl of pretzels and hummus and a sappy love movie that makes you hate life OR you make out with Taylor Lautner- your new bf! Wow, I got over that break-up fast!

Some ways to thwart the break-up-ier; confusion guaranteed:

It's over.

You: Oh, phooey.

We're done.

You: No! I'm done! *run away*

I think we should take a break.

You: Okay, I'll meet you back here in five then?

I can't stand you. I'm leaving you.

You: Don't let that door hit yo butt on the way out then!

It's not you, it's me.

You: Yeah, it is! You suck!

I'm breaking up with you.

You: I'm freeeeee!!! *fall to your knees and spread your arms upward*

Ways to break-up with that person who just makes you think of bad after-tastes, like lemons or guacamole (unless you like guacamole- I DO NOT TOLERATE GUACAMOLE LOVERS- OUT NOW! Just kidding. Please, stay. I'm lonely...Just kidding, I've got a werewolf bf now!):

You: Sianara foo!

You: Yeah, I broke up with you the day I met you. So technically, I don't need to break up with you because I already did.

Dumpee: What? No, you didn't.

You: YOU HAVE NO PROOF THAT I DIDN'T! *run away madly*

You: Like every horrific love story, this needs to end.

(Ouch! A bit cruel, but if you want him to feel the pain, it's perfect! Sorry, Edward. It's for the best.)

You: I'm moving. To Yudoturro.

Dumpee: Where's that?

You: Oh you know....on the map. Near a body of water. Next to some desert. Far away from you.

You: I need some time. My very large goldfish ate my other small goldfish and died.

Dumpee: Time? They're just fish!

You: You have no consideration! We're over with!

You: My dog ate my homework.

Dumpee: Huh?

You: Good-bye, forever.

Dumpee: Wait-

You: Don't make this harder than it is. Farewell.*Walk dramatically away*

Dumpee: I will always love you.

You: What? Are you breaking up with me?

Dumpee: Um, no, I said-

You: O my gosh, you are!

Dumpee: No, I'm-

You: FINE! GOOD-BYE FOREVER AND EVER, JOSEPH JONAS!!! (I don't like him. He bothers me so.)

You: My hott werewolf friend doesn't like you. And neither do I.

You: Avada Kedavra, Jerk! (This will get rid of him for sure!)

See? Breaking-up isn't that bad after all! Until you go home and drown in your loneliness.

But there are plenty of other fish in the sea! Like that bag boy in the grocery store or that kid who you know from that place that you go to or that guy you always see in the mall who has a bajillion tattoos and a piercing on his armpit (He's probably not the best choice. Unless you, too, have an armpit piercing and can totally relate to him...that's cool!)

So put on those bouncy shoes and bounce back, you resilient rubber band, you! And slash your ex's tires the next day! That'll show him!!

Ok, no, I'm kidding. I mean what would Carrie Underwood do? Did she just slash that snot rocket's tires? No she did more than that!!! And you should, too. Take it from her.

"I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped (souped? Like the food? I hate cars.) up four wheel drive.

'Carved my name into his leather seat!!!"

Something something.... (I never really liked this song)

"Slashed a hole in all four wheels!"

See, she did more than that! Just say to yourself when you're dumped, what would Carrie do?

Get sweet revenge, darn it!

Ok, personally, I'm a pacifist so I'd never do that.

I lied, I'm not a pacifist.

Actually, I don't really know. No one has attempted to punch my face. Therefore, I'm not so sure. And now I'm rambling.

This blog? Love it? Hate it? Tell me, oh multitude of fans I have.

“You have no fans, dork.”

Ahaaa. You so funny! Not.

Shut up! I can dream can't I?!

Sianara, foo!

Zoinks! =) Love Pinky. (Look it up)

Signing out of this blog like yeah-

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.

Releasing Your Inner Super Hero and Eating Peanut Butter Cookies

Ka-PoWw!...Are you a super hero?

"Uhhhh- no.... Who are you? And why are you asking me such a random question....Please, don't steal my peanut butter cookies..." *Slips peanut butter cookie into mouth and munches slowly*

AHA! That's a trick question....

Everyone is!

"WHAT?! But my head was just dunked into a toilet today.....I'm no super hero."

Okay then, everyone except you!

See we all have this inner super hero...I swear we do.  Especially myself, and except that nerd above.

Now, you all know that I am one, but I'm discovering powers I never even knew I had before....

For example, today I kicked some major butt.  And saved some lives while I was at it, too.

I volunteer in this library at my school during my FREE period.  Yeah, just saying that it's my FREE period... A period where I can slack off and do nothing, but I choose the alternative. (Live above the influence!) I SACRIFICE....just saying...Hey! Super heroes make sacrifices....BAM! There's a bit of my inner hero....oh, and there's more.  Of course there is more...

As I was saying, at this library I catalog books.

"Vou are such a loser! Vat's vat vou do in your spare time?! Come 'ere, I vanna dunk your head in thees toilet..."

*Sweat sweat, Panic* "Please, wait!! Back off...I-I...I have a weapon!!!!!" *Points Mega Zappster 3.1 at Olga the Bully*

"Vhoa, Bubbushca...cheellz out....zaight zaight. I gotcha, eet's cool, eet's c-cool."

"Yeah." *Lowers beastly weapon down* "That's what I THOUGHT!"

*Olga runs away, when she's (or he, it was kinda hard to distinguish) out of sight, I point Mega Zappster 3.1 at book barcode*

Beep!

All in a day's work... 

YEAH, THAT'S AFFIRMATIVE! I have a beastly book scanner, and let me tell you, I kick some major book binding butt  with it (alliteration baby...).

Then I do all this MAGICAL stuff like organizing the books I zap with my zapster.  Oh yeah. Be jealous of the zapster.  It's even better than those lame grocery zapsters (those are Mega Zapster 2.1s...not nearly as cool as the 3.1)

With it I'm unstoppable.... that is until I get an emergency call....*Dramatic fade to school scene*

BRINNNNNNGGGG!

*GASP* "There's trouble down the hall in the auditorium where my next class is! If only I had an extension cord...."*sigh*

I shoot down the hall and scan the horizon. Hmm...there seems to be no monster in our midst.  What could the problem possibly be?

"Help...please, someone help...."

A cry for help! Coming from the auditorium!

I glide past civilians and push open the doors. The cry becomes louder- like a pigeon with a broken wing, or a hippo with a cavity- the cry is pathetic and hopeless.

"Help...I need help, please. Anybody?"  

I look around the area....ooooo my teacher is selling chocolate bars this class! I'll take one!!

"I FREAKIN' SAID HELP!"

Goodness....someone's panties are in a bunch now, aren't they?

"I need a pencil....please, anybody...."

Ugh. Really. That's your problem....so now I have to give up my pencil, for you? I don't even know you. What if you're a nose-picker, huh? Let me contemplate this.

"I need a pencil for this test! Please, guys just check if you have one. I really need one."

Oh geez. Don't look over here at me...don't ask me.....I'm not giving up my favorite mechanical pencil!!! NEVER!

"Please...I need one..."

The tension is building and I...I am slowly breaking. "I have a pencil." I finally speak out heroically.

"Really? Thanks! You're a life saver."

Yeah. I know I am. Because I'm a super hero. "Yep. No problem...." Dude, it's such a problem you have no idea. That's my favorite pencil, you better take care of it.

35 minutes later....

"Here, thanks for the pencil!"

Anytime, helpless little student.... "You're welcome." OMGSH YOU RIPPED PART OF THE GRIP TO MY PENCIL OFF. That's the last time you are ever going to see that pencil again...mark my words, punk.

BRIIIIIINNNNNGGG! Another emergency call.

So long Pencil Destructoider. We will meet again....

 

and when we do, bring your own pencil.

I mean seriously, how painful is that to accomplish? Not very, no, not at all.

I fly out, then up and up where I encounter a deep, and dark cave.....

named Economics.

The Cave of Economics.  It sounds scary, but on the contrary 'tis not, fearful internet surfer. Within the cave, there is a lonely, lonely man who sits on a stool and plays the fiddle.

Okay, maybe he doesn't play the fiddle, but he'd be 50 million times cooler if he did.

Instead, he's just a lonely man who sits on a stool and does the bare minimum of teaching! Oh, and in his spare time he plays with his Smart Board. Such a lonely man. Or just a very bored man...maybe if he actually TAUGHT then he wouldn't be bored....

but, YAY! We love not learning, don't we? Especially when we watch youtube videos instead!

Shhhh....gotta keep it on the hush-hush, we don't want The Titan Thumb finding out....aka the head honcho, aka our principalito!

"Morning class. So today we'll be talking about economics. and the economy. and economics...."

10 minutes into going absolutely nowhere.

"Anyone have some videos to youtube?"

Ooooo! That one! That one about the person who does that ridiculous thing they shouldn't have even thought of trying to do and ends up getting hurt, but it's so hysterical it just needed to posted for the whole world to see!

Or that one about.....*gasp!* There's a figure standing outside our door....the shadow fills the rectangular window, blocking out the natural florescent lighting from entering the classroom.

There's no mistaking the thumby shape.....

THE TITAN THUMB!!!

"Ummm...guys...." I try to warn the oblivious students and fiddle playing teacher. The doorknob begins to turn.... "NOOOOOO!!!!" I yell with all my might, leap from my seat, and rip out my giant pair of nail clippers.

I swing them around wildly in the view of the beast behind the door, and I can sense his hesistation as the doorknob flips back into place.  His shadow lessens as he backs away.  Soon he is out of sight.... I turn to my class, at first everyone is gaping with shock, but when they realize what has just happened, I am greeted with relentless cheers.

"Enough my peers. 'Twas only a cowardous beast. We shall no longer live in fear. As long as I'm around that is."

"Will you sign my nail clippers?!" A scream reaches my ears as I try to hold off the joyous crowd.

"Ew, no way, freak."  

The crowd becomes too much for me...I make an escape out the window and soar away as the class waves enthusiatically from within.

*Fades away from school scene*

That was me releasing my inner super hero. We all can with a bit of trust and pixie dust! So no matter who you are, relinquish your super hero, and set it loose upon your school to save it from complete disaster!!!

Thoughts on this blog? Maybe you hated it because you're a super villain. In that case- stay for some tea and we can chat about your broken childhood and how your parents never baked you those chocolate chip oatmeal cookies so now you've grown to be this detestable human being  reeking disaster everywhere.

Just Kidding.

OUT NOW YOU FIEND OR I WILL ZAP YOU WITH THIS PRETTY CHILL ZAPSTER.

Maybe you loved this blog because I taught you how to release your inner super hero.  

Actually...I just talked about it....never really "taught" you....just like my fiddle playing teach!

Well here: Don't think- just be the hero you are. Where ever you are, what ever you're doing- be the hero.

*Sniff* So touching....EAT THE PEANUT BUTTER COOKIE!

*Slips cookie slowly into mouth and munches suspiciously...*

Fo reals. Just take the cookie given to you and eat it. And if you're going to eat it, eat it with confidence. That's right you! Fix yo' posture.

Aight, my homies. I'll be back.....

KAPOW! BLAM! WHAM! ZAPPP! ZINGG! 

Beep!

Signing out of this blog like yeah-

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.