Hey Ya

Hello! I haven't written a post in awhile!  So what have I been up to? Let's see.

I think I am destined to work in a library for the rest of my life!  I went from doing trivial volunteer work at my High School library to doing research work in...MY NEW SCHOOL'S LIBRARY! Well, it's college really.  The excellent news?  I am paid!  Granted it's minimum wage, but hey! it's money.

Other than that I have finished some final High School duties, such as graduating.  *Cue happy music*

"Ohhhhhhh YEAH! SO LONG RAT HOLE! I WON'T BE MISSIN' YA!" *Happy dances*

Good stuff.  

Don't worry (because I know you were all SO worried about my whereabouts), I'll be writing posts again soon.  In the meantime, I must continue saving the world.  It's time consuming, but alas! there are sad and unfortunate civilians crying out my name... 

See ya.

Signing out of this blog like yeah~

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.

New Poem...

“Lost in Time”

I hold broken clocks.

My face distorted

in the reflection of

cracked glass surfaces.

Someone pry my fingers

from their accusing faces.

1,2,3,4,5,6,

7,8,9,10,11,12....

The undying echo of

the number of my mistakes.

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

It's a mad song,

and I can't sing along.

Complicated gears and screws-

these clocks are beyond repair.

1 second, 2 seconds, 3 seconds...

An understanding seeps

from the inner-most box

of my elusive mind,

and the seeping spreads,

warming my icy grip

on the mocking time keepers.

I drop them.

One by one, delicately smashing.

The numbers scattering.

I watch the final crash! of glass.

Gears flying about,

and I free myself

of this mess,

knowing that they are not

meant to be repaired,

but that I am.

Happy Happy New Year Everyone!

Yep, this new year deserves a double happy.

I really can't spend a lot of time on this post unfortunately.  I have some homework that I need to get done before tomorrow so I can have my weekend free before school starts up again.

BUT YES! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!

I'm making a promise to myself that this new year is going to be kick ass.  I don't give a leaping crap in the middle of a safari if people are saying this is just 'another year.'  This year is going to rock my socks all the way to the heart of Bon Jovi.

So who's with me?! Let's start a revolution.  I don't mean the crazed mob with pitchforks kind of revolution. I mean, let's take on some resolutions! It'll be a Resolution Revolution.

"Bah HUM FLIPPIN BUG! I don't do that crap. I never follow through with my resolutions, so why even bother?"

Well, just follow through with it! I mean, what's holding you back? Yourself, darn it! 

This is what you've got to do:

Let yourself go

Not in the sense that you're going to eat whatever the heck you want and in that way 'let yourself go.'  

But it's really that simple. Let yourself be free!  Give up on holding yourself back.  It's too exhausting.

I'm giving up and giving in- letting go so I can show exactly what I'm capable of doing.

If you want to lose weight, go join a gym and commit to it.

If you want to write a novel (haha), then write it; a little bit each day.

If you want to finally stop stalking your crush on Facebook, then just talk to him one day (preferably in person!)

If you want to be nicer to people, then get your cranky buttookis off the ground and be nice!

If you want to be courageous, then go dare yourself to do something you'd never would've have done before!

Come on people, let's do this.

Here's to 2011. The best year yet.

Happy x's 2011 times New Year!

Signing out of this blog like yeah-

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out

Getting to Know the Author: 100 Things About Me

So.  I think it's time for a post that is not so silly. Although, I love being absolutely crazy, I think that this is necessary.  I need to open up a bit, even if you- whoever you are- could care less about who I am.  Let's call this: Getting to Know the Author.

It may seem vain and frankly, even a little stupid.  But look at it like this: people generally like to know about other people.  Let's face it- we are all a bit curious.  We want to know what other people think, do, like, dislike, etc.  Once we know get to know each other a bit, we realize we have some similarities: each person has a characteristic that you or I can to relate to, and we like relating to each other.  It makes us feel connected.  We're not alone.

That's what I'm going to do! I'll outline a picture of who I am for you.  I saw that a bunch of other bloggers did this, so I thought, what the heck! Why not?  Give me a shout out if you connect with me on any of things I'm about to type.

Facts about Yours Truly:

1. I need to have some kind of chocolate everyday.  It doesn't matter if it's a liquid, solid, or a gas.  I never realized until recently that I can't go a day without chocolate....sick, isn't it?
2. I have an obsession with not closing things.  I don't close cabinets or drawers.  This can be connected to the fact that I have an irrational fear of loud noises...I don't know, really. I hate closing things.  It drives my parents nuts.
3. Since I'm on the subject of loud noises...I am a globophobic. (that is, I fear balloons.) I'm am not being funny.
4. I have a secret crush on Ben Folds.
5. I have a dream of becoming a world renown writer.
6. I swear in privacy. Quite a bit, if the situation I'm in provokes me to. I'll just say this: I'm human.
7. At my school, I'm a quiet person with absolutely no personality. Yep. Outside of school, I AM NOT. It's that stupid school.  I hate it so much. It steals who I am away from me.  Shame that people won't get to know the real me.  This is why I can't wait to break away from that school.  I feel like I'm living under the shadows of the other students.  Can't wait to be free. 
8. When Bruno Mars sings, I close my eyes and pretend he's singing to me.
9. Many times, I look in the mirror and imitate Donald Trump. "You're fired!"
10. I make distorted faces at people who I don't like while walking behind them.  Occasionally, I do this in front of the security cameras at my school.
11. I am a dictionary.com/thesaraus.com addict.
12. I am a walking contradiction.  I want to scuba-dive, but one of my biggest fears is drowning.  I hate cold weather, but I love snow. I can only find things in my room when things are not organized. This is a proven FACT.
13. I am a nerd. And I am proud.
14. I hope that one of the following will happen: my parents will give me up for adoption and I will be adopted by J.K. Rowling OR when I become an author, J.K. and I will become very close friends (I'd visit her every so often for tea in her England estate).
15. I will not clean my room until it gets to the point where living in it is quite difficult.
16. I am a procrastinator. Right now, I'm procrastinating.
17. At one point in my life, I felt like I had no real friends. I didn't even have a best friend. I feel horribly about this now, because I've always had friends. AND I HAVE THE BESTEST FRIEND EVER! =) I think many people have felt that way at some point, though.
18. I am addicted to green tea.
19. Sometimes, I wish I was Asian.
20. I've wished on eyelashes, and looking back on those wishes, I thank God that none of them came true. For example, I wanted to marry Cole Sprouse when I was in the 6th grade.
21. When people don't listen to what I'm saying I keep talking anyway, and sometimes I even comment on what I say.
22. Which brings me to my habit of talking to myself.
23. I purposefully dislike YouTube videos that have comments that say "152 don't know good music" just to throw the off number.
24. I hope that when I graduate, my teachers will come across this blog and wonder if some of the posts are about them.  I hope they never read it while I'm still in school...yet sometimes I do.
25. I imagine myself doing things I'll never do. For instance, in my biology class freshman year I sat next to the projector.  That meant my job was to push the little button to turn it on when my teacher needed to use it. Multiple times I've imagined myself just hurling the projector at the whiteboard instead. I've always wondered how people would react. Other times, I've imagined myself jumping out of my desk and announcing, "SCREW THIS, I'M GOING TO HOGWARTS." Or in other daydreams, I just walk out of the school and lay on the grassy hill.
26. I have a theory that my friend's dad is a secret agent.
27. I promised myself that if I go to college in NYC, I will date a ballet dancer from Juilliard or the New York Ballet.
28. I wake up early just so I can watch Avatar: The Last Airbender. 
29. I pretend that I am dumber than I am. I don't know why I do, but I do. I am very intelligent though. I am erudite.
30. I'll stare at the back of somebody's head during class, and in my mind I'm saying something of the like, "Scratch your back, scratch your back, scratch your back..." or "Turn around, turn around, turn around..."over and over again to see if I can get them to.  It hasn't worked. Yet.
31. Sometimes when I'm walking behind a guy whose pants are much too low, I am tempted to just pull them down and yell, "BELT."
32. I am writing a novel, and there is certain character that I absolutely love. In my school, there is a kid who looks exactly how I pictured this character...for months, all I did during class was stare at him in awe. The resemblance is uncanny.
33. When my brother is taking a shower, sometimes I make myself have to go to the bathroom so I can flush the toilet on him. I am aware that this is extremely evil.
34. My cat ran away a long time ago and, well, she never came back home. Sometimes...I still cry over it if I think about it long enough. It's stupid I know...but whatever. Stupid cat.
35. I put celebrities that I have crushes on in my contact list for my cell, and occasionally I pretend to text them.
36. I am fully aware that I am weird, and I've accepted it.
37. I make up awesome songs in the shower, but then forget them when I finish.
38. I have feigned illness several times to escape school.  I was such a good pretender that I even fooled myself.
39. I yell at inanimate objects. Furiously at times.
40. When I'm home alone and I think I hear something or someone, I pretend to be a man who hunts and a ferocious guard dog.  The dog's name is Brutus. "Et tu Brute?"
41. I hate chewing noises. It turns me into a monster. If it's quiet, and you're chewing near me, I will be peeved at you for the whole time.
42. My favorite movies are Tangled and Aladdin if you haven't noticed.
43. If I had to live on only a few foods for the rest of my life it would be Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and Dominos pizzas.
44. I am a vegetarian. Yay, veggies.
45. My favorite color is blue. It's been my favorite color since I was 4 years old. No joke.
46. I laugh randomly during class, mostly because a Spongebob Squarepants episode pops into my head.
47. I call myself Gwen the Super Hero, because years ago I wished I was StarFire from Teen Titans.
48. I can say the alphabet backwards without making any mistakes.
49. I swear my life is a living Jane Austen novel.
50. The theme songs to my life are: "Drops of Jupiter" by Train and "Doo-wah-doo" by Kate Nash.
51. My guilty pleasure T.V. show is Sarah Palin's Alaska.
52. I wouldn't mind marrying Michael Buble if it means he'd sing to me for the rest of my life. Love doesn't have an age!! Except for Aaron Johnson and his wifey-poo.
53. I went through a stage where I believed I'd be gothic. My only comment: HAHA.
54. I once made this epic fort in my closet, complete with a DVD player and a couch-ish pillow. That was only three years ago.
55. I'm an awkward person. But I've accepted this as well. I'd rather be honestly awkward than a fake.
56. Right now, I'm listening to Five Years Time by Noah and the Whale.
57.  If I could be any Disney character, I'd be Repunzel from the movie Tangled.
58. I fear the sight of blood, guts- the inside of the human body in general.
59. When I'm not writing, I usually feel sad.
60. RIght now, I'm happy.
61. If I get a bad grade on an essay, I convince myself that my teacher doesn't know anything about writing. I realize that this is stupid. Usually, I look back and see that I'm the one who doesn't know anything about writing, and I'll be depressed for the rest of the day.
62. To be honest, I don't have the closest relationship with my brother. One memory that stands out as a true 'bonding' moment, was when I was watching "Camp Rock" on Disney channel and he stopped by and started watching it with me. At the end, we were both disappointed that Mitchie and Shane didn't kiss.
63. I laugh when my parents yell at me. It noramally results in more yelling...
64. When I was little, I was afraid that everyone was a robot and I was the only human. Sometimes, I still wonder this....
65. I prefer imagination over reality.
66. I just realized that this could lead to schizophrenia....well, let's hope that never happens. Or perhaps schizos have more fun than the rest of us.
67. I hope to live in NYC for some time.
68. I want to own a horse one day. A white one. I'd name him Jonah.
69. I recently took a very long break from this blog to Google Spongebob quotes. 
70. "Secretly...I'm a little naive."
71. Don't think that all I do is watch cartoons. I don't. 
72. Ironically, I love the song "99 Red Balloons."
73. I tried learning Japanese once.
74. I believe that blogging is essential for my health.
75. I began blogging after I read a funny blog on Sparknotes. He blogged about Twilight.
76. The song "The Dog Days Are Over" empowers me....it instantly connects me with the world, and I feel vivacious and adventurous. It makes me want to travel the world.
77. The first CD I ever owned was a Backstreet Boys CD.
78. I enjoy listening to Taylor Swift the most when I write because she's so honest in her lyric writing, and I want to convey that same sense of honesty.
79. Once, my friend and I were leaving school, and this egotistical, obnoxious kid got in our way purposefully. We waited forever to let him pass, but he wouldn't move. Instead of turning the car around, my friend stepped on the gas and almost ran over him. We didn't, but secretly I was hoping she would...just a little nudge would do him justice.
80. My favorite T.V. show is Gilmore Girls.
81. I welcome germs.  They are a part of life. If something happens to drop on floor I'll eat it. I don't care.
82. I hate Kindles!!! And Kobos, and Sony Readers and all the other digital gadgets that are trying to take books away from the world forever.
83. I can't cook, mostly because I'm lazy. I prefer microwaving things and using the toaster oven.
84. I believe that people abuse their right to chew gum.
85. If I could destory one material object in the world it would be tights. Tights are the worst thing ever. I had to wear them for 7 years for my ballet class.
86. I think the whole world should go barefoot. I love wearing no socks. I go outside in the cold, rain, sunshine, and even snow with bare feet. It makes me feel free!
87. I don't believe in colored contacts or face surgeries (unless necessary). People need to learn how to appreciate the way God created them.
88. I'm generally a very optimistic person.
89. I'm independent. I enjoy alone time, when no one can bother me.
90. I lived in Juilliard College for two weeks once. =)
91. The most I've ever been scared was when I watched the "Exorcism of Emily Rose." We had to watch it in Film class. I thought I was a baby until I found out that my whole class couldn't sleep for days either.
92. I love to read. I read a ton of Nancy Drew books when I was little. I love Pride and Prejudice, and Shakespearean literature. I'm working on Lord of the Rings, but it's taking me forever (that man likes detail!), and I'm chomping down on Hacking Harvard - a modern novel.  The worst novel I've read is Robinson Crusoe.  As you know, or don't, I love Harry Potter.  I love The Princess Bride.
93. I want to start knitting.
94. I'm bad at keeping in touch with people, which makes me feel sorry. *sigh*
95. I absolutely hate it when people tell me what to do. 
96. I've secretly wanted to be a rock singer in a band, but I lack the ability!
97. I want to learn how to surf or at least try it.
98. I think the majority of people take life too seriously. I do at times...but I mean, what's the point? Enjoy life, don't let opportunities pass you. Don't worry so much about fleeting things. It's life. We all go throught it. Carpe diem, people. I wish I would follow this advice all the time.
99. I hope several years from now, people will look back on this blog and say, "So this is how she started..."
100. Well you either skipped to this point or you took the time to read my thoughts. I'll leave you with this: 

Pure as a puddle

murky and opaque

Simple as a stocking

threads so intricately weaved

Dull like a double-edge sword

sharp and skillfully created

We the people

so beautifully designed.

I like poetry! This is one I just made up and it's kind of lame, but I'm leaving it here for all the world to see.

Signing out of this blog like yeah-

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.

We Have One Thing that Voldemort Doesn't Have...

Noses and Mushu. Yes, I do mean that little dragon from Mulan.

FLASHBACK to a few blogs ago.

I was left behind in a deserted classroom, wondering how I will defeat the monstrous APUSH teacher...

*Dramatic Fade*

I walk out of the classroom and make my way down the hallway to the bathroom.  

She must be defeated! I cannot let her continue with this havoc reeking...THE REEKING MUST COME TO AN END. I wonder how I am to find the seven parts of her soul...and when I do, how will I destroy them? Oh fiddlesticks, this is just too much for me to handle. I might as  well be a death-eater. My life would be so much easier...

*A dramatic fade within this dramatic fade*

"Gwen...I love you. Will you please marry me?"

"Oh Bruno Mars! I-"

Sorry, wrong fade!

*Dramatic fade out of that dramatic fade all within the constant dramatic fade*

I am wearing a mask and torturing prospective seniors with AP US History. Oh hey look, there's my boss.

"Hey, Boss! How ya-"

She turns around, and I face the most hideous creature in my life!!!!

*GASP* "NO! It's her! I'm sorry I ever thought of this horrible day-dream! I want out! I want out!" I scream in pure, unadulterated agony.

*A more abrupt dramatic fade out of the current dramatic fade all within the dramatic fade*

Ok...let's not have that happen again. EVER.

I'm in the bathroom, contemplating. No, ya freak, I am most certainly not on the potty. Why would I do that? People drown in those things you know. Highly dangerous. No, I am sitting on the windowsill, staring out into the school courtyard.

You know what? I think I could use a sidekick. Yes, yes...someone to help me kick some APUSH butt. I don't know where I could find one. Oh hey, there's something in the courtyard...

"There's something out there...." I murmur as I lean toward the window to get a closer look.  I see a person walking about the courtyard aimlessly.

Well, this isn't exactly what I had in mind...but here goes something-

I open the window and call out, "Hey you!"

The wanderer peers up and waves. Then she continues walking.

"No, no!" I shout. "Listen, I have a question to ask you! Actually, more like a demand. Yes, you must obey me...you cannot refuse once I ask you."

She looks up again with a puzzled look. "What?" She calls out.

"I- Me. Yes, me. I have to ask you-" She still looked confused. "OH FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY, I'M SPEAKING ENGLISH HERE. WHAT ARE YOU TRULY? A ZORBIAN FROM PLANET ZORB?! WOULD GIBBERISH SUIT YOU?! FINE, THEN UOEADLLEABBBLUBBERFABBERMADHATTERRRRBLAHSHINGOMINKFUR-" Oh no! It seems that I have leaned too far out the window!!!

Down

down

down

down 

down

down

down     down....whoops! This down is lost! Let us redirect him...

down

down

down

down

down

dow-

I am, thankfully, saved by a crab-apple tree. And now "down" doesn't sound like a word to me anymore.  You are no son of mine!!!!

You know that feeling when you say a word too much? Gosh, what a long, DOWNward spiral that was, too. Down.

"What was it you were trying to say?" A girl, my age, comes and asks me, ignoring the fact that I am stuck in this most uncomfortable crab-apple tree.

"You. Yes, you. Will be my sidekick in avenging my pigmy puff, who died in infamy, and in the destruction of our most evil teacher." I tumble out of the tree like a rag doll. Today is just not my day. Besides the fact that I have a super-dee-dooper wand-o under my command-o.

"But-" She looks disturbed.

"NO! NO, BUTS. They bother me so." I dust myself off quickly. "Now, come along. We have to destroy our APUSH teacher. You don't happen to know where a part of her soul may be hidden, do you?"

"Um-"

"You know what. I think you and I, myself and yourself, yes- I think we," I point to her and then myself, "we will be good friends. And I know this is hasty, but Christmas is coming and I would like a dragon. Yes, I've always wanted a dragon. Ever since I was a mere child."

"Oh do you now? I happen to be part house elf."

"Oh well, that is FASCINATING." I stop and clap my hands together. "Can you go find me a dragon then? Would you do that?"

"It might take awhile...."

"I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE ONE NOW ELF!!" I shout angrily forgetting the manners my mommy taught me. "I mean, if it wouldn't cause you any trouble...my *friend*." =) <---- Me giving that irresistible smile. I must say that it doesn't really give it justice...but you get the picture.

*Snap cakes, snap cakes, there goes the elf- cakes! Poof!*

Annnnndddd she disappeared into thin air.

"I will take that as a yes!" I say merrily and start walking back to my school when I hear a voice hissing from somewhere within my perimeter....

"Yum, yum, yum....in my tum, tum, tum. If you consume me, BEWARE! Because then I will consume you! Yum, yum, yum."

"Yo ho, a pirate's life for me?" I whisper in return.

"You fool! I am no pirate! How dare you insult me in such a way!"

"Oh, well somebody's crabby." Crabby. Ha. Funny Word. Yet so ironic.....

Suddenly, I feel something burning in my jean pocket. "OMYGOSH WHAT IS HAPPENING?!" I tear through my pocket and pull out a small object and toss it to the ground in horror.  My eyes widen with fright at the sight before me.

A crab-apple is staring at me.

Or I assume that if it had eyes, it would be staring at me.

"You pathetic student! You will fail high school! And when you do, you can expect certain death!! Or work in a beauty salon for your entire life! Either is terrible! Muahahahahaa!!!"

"No...no...that won't happen," I say, terrified of the demonic crab-apple and its prophetic words.

"Oh, but it will! Yesssssss....." It hisses at me in the most repulsive way, I am tempted to kick it.  Unfortunately, pure fear of what may happen if I do encased my very soul.  I refrained from the brash act.  "Your pigmy puff is dead, your house elf friend deserted you, and you are dragonless."  

Everything is going blurry...I can't see straight.  My world is swirling around me...

"No...no..." I murmur, fading in and out of the world around me.  Then I hear a voice beyond the crab-apple.

"Don't listen to it! Destroy it! Hurry up, before it's too late!"

I close my eyes and force myself to find the strength within my heart.  I burst forth making the loudest battle cry I can.

"I AM PROUD TO BE A SPARTAN!" 

"Dude...you're American." 

*Fade is RUDELY interrupted*

"Ok, listen. My story. Not yours. My....story....notyours. And in this story THIS IS SPARTA. AND I AM A HUMBLE SPARTAN. With a really cool wand."

*Dramatic Fade*

With a rush of adreneline, I run and step on the crab-apple with all my might. AH-ha! Yes, it is finally defea-

"Ouchies!!!!" I squeal and jump off. "It bit a hole through my shoe!!!"

I fall down and the crab-apple advances toward me. It has a look of hunger drawn upon its fiber-filled, somewhat nutritional skin. Mmm...tasty! Or it would be if it wasn't evil.

"Stay away!!!" I crawl backwards rather pathetically. It's just about to leap on me and destroy me forever....

"ARGGGGGGGGGGG!!!! AYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAAAAAA!!!"

A red and blue blur flashes before me eyes and when it's gone, so is the crab-apple.  Phew....that was a close one!

I look around curiously and see that a few feet from is my house elf friend! With a dragon! That is feasting on the crab-apple!  Hoo-rah.

"I believe that this is part of that APUSH teacher's soul. She stored it within this crab-apple. Good thing I was able to find this dragon unusually fast or else you'd be...you'd be...huh..."

"Yeah, I dunno what the apple would've done to me either," I say to my house elf friend. "Thanks, though. Oh, and you brought me a dragon!"

"Why, yes! This is an Asian Lung, named Mushu," She pointed toward the dragon.

"I see....it's rather small." More like the size of a shoe....or a mouse. A shoe-mouse.

"I am your guardian dragon!!!!!" It shouted at me in a voice that sounded exactly like Eddie Murphy.

"Uh huh....," I reply, a little distracted by it's non-fierce-some-ness.

"It never shuts up," The part house-elf girl says.

"Well, then that's just adorable!" I say with complete sarcasm. "By the way, I never caught your name."

"My name is-"

"Wait, wait." I interrupt. "No. I need to give you a super-cool sidekick name. I got it. Yes. It is perfect. You will love it, I promise. Yes, your name shall be Howling Meercat."

"Ok, it's better than my real name which is-." BEEPBEEPBEEP. A cop on a scooter beeps us out of his way rudely.  Rude prude.  What a weird name she has....

"Strange....ANYWHO, LET US GO ONWARD WITH THIS PERILOUS JOURNEY INTO THE DARKNESS OF WHICH WE CALL HIGH SCHOOL!!"

"Alright. This should be fun! Too bad I have no choice."

"That's right! You have absolutely no choice!" I say joyfully. "I have a feeling that the next object of which the APUSH teacher's demented soul is in is somewhere located in the cafeteria...."

"Why?"

"Well reason numero uno: I am quite hungry. And quatro: I want to see what it's like to give a jelly legs jinx (I learned this from Starkid Potter) on some jelly."

Eddie Murphy's voice rings out suddenly, "Ain't no way you're going to be eating jelly when the huns are popping up like daisies!" I look down at the shoe-mouse.

"Right...." I smile and nod politely. 

"Ready?" Howling Meercat says finally.

"Let us go. ONWARD!"

*Fantastical fade out of this dramatic fade*

Well, that was fun. Or maybe you were completely bored and hated the whole thing and now hate me forever and ever for ever creating such a stupid blog, and now you feel the nagging urge to throw your compy out the window because this blog just angered you so.

All I can say is- I HATE YOU TOO NOW OUT.

No. Sadly, I can never hate anyone who takes the time out to read this blog, even if it angers them *Cue puppy dog eyes and adorable face*

Just kidding! I can hate you! In fact, if I wanted to, I could most certainly hate you right this instant. But I won't. I love you too darn much!

Not really. Ok, bye.

Wait, no...Just this moment, the thought occurred to me: Why did I never use my wand to destroy the crab-apple? Oh right, right. I know. It is because I have yet to master it. I will. One day. Preferably my next blog or sometime whenever. I'll practice when my parents go to sleep. Ya, believe me, I'm such a rebel!

Signing out of this blog like yeah~

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.

Stay tuned next time...for THE NEXT BLOG, DARN IT. Geez, don't pee yourself. I don't give "sneak peeks." Bye for real peeps!

Over the Hills and Through the Woods to Splitsville We Go.

The art of breaking up. It can be complicated, depressing, horrible, ugly, pretty, life-changing, a volcanic eruption, or totally awesome!(not really) Thankfully, I'm here to save you. You can always count on me. I advise you to take some of these helpful tips. It can make breaking-up seem fun! Then you go home and cry for hours with a bowl of pretzels and hummus and a sappy love movie that makes you hate life OR you make out with Taylor Lautner- your new bf! Wow, I got over that break-up fast!

Some ways to thwart the break-up-ier; confusion guaranteed:

It's over.

You: Oh, phooey.

We're done.

You: No! I'm done! *run away*

I think we should take a break.

You: Okay, I'll meet you back here in five then?

I can't stand you. I'm leaving you.

You: Don't let that door hit yo butt on the way out then!

It's not you, it's me.

You: Yeah, it is! You suck!

I'm breaking up with you.

You: I'm freeeeee!!! *fall to your knees and spread your arms upward*

Ways to break-up with that person who just makes you think of bad after-tastes, like lemons or guacamole (unless you like guacamole- I DO NOT TOLERATE GUACAMOLE LOVERS- OUT NOW! Just kidding. Please, stay. I'm lonely...Just kidding, I've got a werewolf bf now!):

You: Sianara foo!

You: Yeah, I broke up with you the day I met you. So technically, I don't need to break up with you because I already did.

Dumpee: What? No, you didn't.

You: YOU HAVE NO PROOF THAT I DIDN'T! *run away madly*

You: Like every horrific love story, this needs to end.

(Ouch! A bit cruel, but if you want him to feel the pain, it's perfect! Sorry, Edward. It's for the best.)

You: I'm moving. To Yudoturro.

Dumpee: Where's that?

You: Oh you know....on the map. Near a body of water. Next to some desert. Far away from you.

You: I need some time. My very large goldfish ate my other small goldfish and died.

Dumpee: Time? They're just fish!

You: You have no consideration! We're over with!

You: My dog ate my homework.

Dumpee: Huh?

You: Good-bye, forever.

Dumpee: Wait-

You: Don't make this harder than it is. Farewell.*Walk dramatically away*

Dumpee: I will always love you.

You: What? Are you breaking up with me?

Dumpee: Um, no, I said-

You: O my gosh, you are!

Dumpee: No, I'm-

You: FINE! GOOD-BYE FOREVER AND EVER, JOSEPH JONAS!!! (I don't like him. He bothers me so.)

You: My hott werewolf friend doesn't like you. And neither do I.

You: Avada Kedavra, Jerk! (This will get rid of him for sure!)

See? Breaking-up isn't that bad after all! Until you go home and drown in your loneliness.

But there are plenty of other fish in the sea! Like that bag boy in the grocery store or that kid who you know from that place that you go to or that guy you always see in the mall who has a bajillion tattoos and a piercing on his armpit (He's probably not the best choice. Unless you, too, have an armpit piercing and can totally relate to him...that's cool!)

So put on those bouncy shoes and bounce back, you resilient rubber band, you! And slash your ex's tires the next day! That'll show him!!

Ok, no, I'm kidding. I mean what would Carrie Underwood do? Did she just slash that snot rocket's tires? No she did more than that!!! And you should, too. Take it from her.

"I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped (souped? Like the food? I hate cars.) up four wheel drive.

'Carved my name into his leather seat!!!"

Something something.... (I never really liked this song)

"Slashed a hole in all four wheels!"

See, she did more than that! Just say to yourself when you're dumped, what would Carrie do?

Get sweet revenge, darn it!

Ok, personally, I'm a pacifist so I'd never do that.

I lied, I'm not a pacifist.

Actually, I don't really know. No one has attempted to punch my face. Therefore, I'm not so sure. And now I'm rambling.

This blog? Love it? Hate it? Tell me, oh multitude of fans I have.

“You have no fans, dork.”

Ahaaa. You so funny! Not.

Shut up! I can dream can't I?!

Sianara, foo!

Zoinks! =) Love Pinky. (Look it up)

Signing out of this blog like yeah-

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.

Butter Face, It's High Time You Get Over Yourself.

Mocking. It's what I do, it's who I be- B-L-A-C-K-E-Y-E-D-P-E-A-S. 

....It's part of a song....

Alright, just forget it.

SO! I'm here to inform you that I am reading The Princess Bride by William Goldman.

"I don't give a flying crap that you're reading! What a stupid blog! ARRRRGG!" *Throws new computer that they bought due to the first one being damaged for similar reasons out the window*

Yeah...You're going to have to stop doing that, those things cost quite a bit...

I'm here to give a review of Buttercup's character. I warn people who are reading this and didn't throw their compy out, that if you like Buttercup's character then...... please stay =) 

*Lights suddenly go out, lightning strikes, illuminating my very creepy shadow against nearest wall* 

MWAHAHAHA!!!!

*Resume normalcy*

Right, here goes something or nothing depending on who's actually going to read this. 

Please, read this...it'll make me feel a little less unloved... Oh SNAP! It's been two hours. If you'll excuse me for a moment, please.

*Goes to mirror and stares at reflection.* "You are beautiful. You are smart. You are successful. You are beautiful. You are smart. You are successful...." *Tears brim in eyes* "I-I can't go on...I think the psychiatrist will understand that I have to cut it short for today..." 

Buttercup starts out in the beginning of the novel as the lovable tomboy.  She's cool and rides a horse named Horse.  All cool people ride horses. And write blogs.

She has a whole bunch of these guys after her, but she doesn't pay much mind to them, because she's independent.  She does her own thing- works on the farm; chills with her horse, Horse; ignores the annoying catty girls of the village; blogs; etc.

Here's one of my favorite lines (and there are many!): "Oh, the boys!" Buttercup fairly exploded. "I do not care about 'the boys.' Horse loves me and that is quite sufficient, thank you."

I love her headstrong attitude and her down-to-earth style.  It's refreshing, and I think many would agree with me. Or maybe you all disagree. 

Maybe you prefer the superficial Buttercup who pops up in the upcoming chapters after she goes mentally insane when Westley leaves her, finds out that she is the most beautiful girl in the whole land, becomes the soon-to-be Queen, goes even more mentally insane when Westley returns, stops blogging (which disappointed me the most),and etc. etc.

But I'm not at that point yet.

Buttercup seems like the down-to-earth girl everybody likes, with a few flaws that every girl can relate to. 

"I'm sorry, but I don't relate to her issues at all. I'm perfect and everyone adores me. I have no issues. Because I'm perfect and everyone adores me."

"Alright then WHATEVER. MAYBE YOU DON'T RELATE TO HER AT ALL. GEEZ." You people really need to stop interrupting me.

"Hey, Gwen!"

"WHAT NOW?"

"Knock, Knock!"

"Oooo, I love knock, knock jokes! Who's there!"

"Interrupting cow!"

"Interrupting co-"

"MOO!!"

......."OUT. NOW."

Just kidding. Don't leave. I love all of your lame knock, knock jokes.

Not really.

Okay, back to Butt-Face- I mean Buttercup. (I'm not suppose to call her that until later in the blog when I show you how obnoxious she truly becomes).

A little bit further into the story- Buttercup falls in love with the "ranch-hand," Westley.  She practically goes insane over him, especially when he doesn't reply to her when she goes into great detail of how much she loves him. (Oh goodness- I have to admit I loved that part. What was your favorite part? No, don't tell me. I don't really care. Just kidding. I do. Tell me!)

Here's my favorite; it's terribly long but it's also terribly necessary:

"I love you,' Buttercup said. 'I know this must come as something of a surprise to you, since all I've ever done is scorn you and degrade you and taunt you, but I have loved you for several hours now, and every second, more. I thought an hour ago that I loved you more than any woman has ever loved a man, but a half hour after that I knew that what I felt before was nothing compared to what I felt then. But ten minutes after that, I understood that my previous love was a puddle compared to the high seas before a storm. Your eyes are like that, did you know? Well they are. How many minutes ago was I? Twenty? Had I brought my feelings up to then? It doesn't matter.' Buttercup still could not look at him. The sun was rising behind her now; she could feel the heat on her back, and it gave her courage. 'I love you so much more now than twenty minutes ago that there cannot be comparison. I love you so much more now then when you opened your hovel door, there cannot be comparison. There is no room in my body for anything but you. My arms love you, my ears adore you, my knees shake with blind affection. My mind begs you to ask it something so it can obey. Do you want me to follow you for the rest of your days? I will do that. Do you want me to crawl? I will crawl. I will be quiet for you or sing for you, or if you are hungry, let me bring you food, or if you have thirst and nothing will quench it but Arabian wine, I will go to Araby, even though it is across the world, and bring a bottle back for your lunch. Anything there is that I can do for you, I will do for you; anything there is that I cannot do, I will learn to do. I know I cannot compete with the Countess in skills or wisdom or appeal, and I saw the way she looked at you. And I saw the way you looked at her. But remember, please, that she is old and has other interests, while I am seventeen and for me there is only you. Dearest Westley--I've never called you that before, have I?--Westley, Westley, Westley, Westley, Westley,--darling Westley, adored Westley, sweet perfect Westley, whisper that I have a chance to win your love.' And with that, she dared the bravest thing she'd ever done; she looked right into his eyes."  

AH, how sweet is that?! Unless you skipped the whole thing. In that case, you stink like a werewolf. (Hey! Read my blog Twilight Sucks!)

But dear Westley ignores her (boys are very skilled at that!), she becomes depressed and locks herself away. 

WOW. We go from this head-strong girl, to someone who can't see herself happy without a man- but it's love, right? And it's the only man she's ever cared for, and ever will. Right?

Until she goes to him an says that she was playing a cruel joke on him.

OMGSH IT'S A ROLLER-COSTER THAT NEVER ENDS. I'm on page 202, and it's still not over- this whole roller-coster of emotions. The drama! But we all love the drama, don't we? Yes, yes we do.

But then Westley assures her that he, too, has always loved her and blah blah blah.

All that sweet stuff that makes teenage girls, gay boys, very strange straight boys, and everyone else in between love the book.

Buttercup, naturally, takes back what she says

Right when it gets good- the love of her life LEAVES her and DIES. (If you've read the book, then you know that he didnt really die, and if you haven't read the book- sorry I just spoiled it for you, but why would you be reading this?! I know. It's because I'm awesome. *Blushes*)

Onward! <------LOVE that word.

Okay, so Buttercup has been through a lot.  Just like that bully or that snobby cheerleader in school has been through a lot, right?

Well, she goes through even MORE! Yes! We all enjoy watching the main character suffer! No, but it does keep the reader hooked! 

Anyways, Buttercup becomes the "most beautiful girl" in the whole freakin' world (Ya right. I think we all know that the most beautiful girl is Bella Swan. Hello? Haven't you heard  that not only is she gorgeous, but also her blood smells like strawberries!?), is snatched up by this disturbing Prince Humperdinck who will make her Queen, but then she is captured by a team of assassins.

Issues upon issues.... I smell a character transformation! I actually caught a wiff of it when Westley left her and croaked- it smelled pretty gross. Nothing at all like Bella's blood.

Oh but it gets better!!!! Westley saves her from the assassins! Then takes her through this horrifying swamp land to escape from Prince Humperdinck (that plan fails horribly.).  You'd think that she'd be elated that Westley comes back. That she'll love him forever and ever now that they are back together, right?

WRONG! 

But I'll get into that in a moment.

We notice a gruesome change in Buttercup's character....Westley talks to her and explains to her that she is even more beautiful than he remembered. Aw....How sweet! Let's hear what Buttercup has to say:

"Enough about my beauty. Everyone always talks about how beautiful I am. I've got a mind, Westely, talk about that."

Why hello, love! Nice to see YOU  again, too! 

What a butt face.

At this point, I despise Butter Biscuit. She no longer is that lovable, cool person.  Which is definitely understandable as to why William Goldman would do that. I mean, she can't be the same person anymore, right? She lives in a castle now, where people cater to her every need, and always tell her how beautiful she is. Does it give her a right to respond to dear, hunky-hunk, super-mega-foxy-awesome-hott Westley like that?

NO.

But she has to have some flaws.  So there ya go.  

I still don't like Butter Face though at this point.  And that feeling intensifies further into the chapter....

Onward!

Westley, like the true gentleman he is, ignores her snappy attitude, and doesn't decide to leave her for the scary creatures to devour.  They move through the fire swamp, and Westley saves her from the highly dangerous Snow Sand and the terrifying R.O.U.S.

So heroic! *Swoons as little hearts form in eyes*

They finally make it out of the swamp when *gasp!* Prince Freaky is there to greet them!

The Prince commands them to surrender, but Westley holds Butter-Butt-Face's hand and replies "Death first!"

Wow. Who doesn't love Westley by now?

Oh that's right, Miss Butter Brain doesn't. She decides to surrender for Westley.

Hate Scale (from dislike to hate very much): DESPISE.

Get a load of this:

"The truth," said Westley, "is that you would rather live with your Prince than die with your love."

"I would rather live than die, I admit it." (BUTT FACE)

"We were talking of love, madam."

"I can live without love." (BUTT FACE)

YES, SHE CAN LIVE WITHOUT LOVE BECAUSE SHE'S A HEARTLESS JERK.

......

Sorry, about that.

But she left Westley there to soon die in the Zoo of Death (I haven't got to that part yet and yes, I know Butt Face was under the impression that the Prince would set Westley free, but how dumb can you be to not know that Prince Humperdinck would try and kill WesWes anyway?!)

Westley can find someone much better. Like me.  But I'll have to keep it a secret from Eddie Boo. (That's my vampire boyfriend. I less than three him, which is obviously meaningless like Butler Cup's "love" for Westley.)

There. I don't believe I need to go any further in explaining why I don't like Butter Biscuit (Plus, that's as far as I got in the book...)

I don't understand this complete character change, but perhaps Goldman has something up his sleeve that I don't know about. 

Like a majestic dove, or my hankie that I swore I had safely away in my purse. 

Oooo, maybe he'll make her start blogging again!

Well, that's my opinion on Butter Toast. Maybe you think differently. Or maybe you liked this blog! Or maybe you bought another computer just to finish reading this blog and then for a third time yelled,"That's how this blog ended! I hate this blog! ARGGGG!" and threw your compy out the window.

In that case- get a life.

Just kidding, don't! Because you keep giving me more views! And that makes for a happy Gwen.

Hate Scale by End of the Chapter: EXTREME DESPISEOCIDITY. (That's for Buttered Roll, not the book. I love the book!)

Prediction of what will happen in novel: Westley will release a R.O.U.S. on the castle, and then come and marry me.

Signing out of this blog like yeah-

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.

 

Why Twilight Sucks (Don't Pardon the Pun)

Twilight SUCKS.  

I can already hear gasps, and the sound of people pounding their fists against their keyboards screaming "BLASPHEMY! I HATE THIS BLOG! WHAT AN IDIOT! ARGGG!!" *Throws computer out window* 

That's an irrational response. 

"Well, Gwen, if Twilight sucks then how come Stephenie Meyer is bathing in lucious green 100 dollar bills, huh? Yeah, chew on that, skank!" Touche, touche... 

A rational response that I can work with.

"Why? Well, teenage girls, gay boys, very strange straight boys, and delirious middle aged women, I'll get to that right now. No need to call me bad names."

Before you continue reading this, and if you didn't already throw your compy out the window, I'd like to warn you that this blog is semi-controversial. If you can't handle the heat, honey, then GET THE HECK OUT OF MY KITCHEN. (A.k.a. this blog)

Just kidding. Read my blog and be bothered by the controversy (or revel in the controversy if you agree with everything in it.).

Ah. Vampire romance novels are just so juicy!  When your love life is lacking, these novels are the perfect, completely unrealistic, tragic, beautiful, horrifying, thrilling, and delicious thing to sink your pearly whites (or denchers or yellowing teeth or gums) into.  And the immaculate vampire novel to read?

Twilight.

"Whoa, wait a second...I swear you just said Twilight sucks..."

"Yes, you smart little apple! I did!"  Allow me to elaborate....

Twilight is the perfect novel to read when you desperately want a boyfriend and if you don't give a flying jedi crap about writing.

Twilight is undeniably popular.  ESPECIALLY among the teenage audience.  

"Oh Edward....he's such a sexy beast....that shimmering body is such a turn on...." *Licks lips and makes audience reading this blog very uncomfortable*

There you go.  It's Edward.  He is the PERFECT, most unrealistic little creeper that girls want.

"No. I'm Team Jacob. Edward is such a woman. SO HA!"

*Sniff sniff sniff* AHA! There it is again!  It's Jacob, too.  He represents the stronger side. The "man-lier" side, if you will. Twilight is reeling in girls attracted to both the manly man, and the sensitive man.   

Teenage girls are drawn to these fictional characters that make them drool and fantasize and yell at their boyfriends for being so insensitve and demanding them to "be Edward, darn it!"

That relationship didn't last  long....

They look past everything that makes a novel a well-written novel once a dashing fictional knight-in-shining-armor pops into the scene.  It's a huge trap, that I myself, unfortunately fell into...and then franticly clambered out of once those nasty scales fell from my eyes.

Yeah, I'll give Stephie Meyer credit where credit is due- the story line is not bad. That's the only credit due.

Oh, time to discuss the writing!! *Piece of my heart wilts and blows dramatically away* It's just *cringes* AWFUL, GOSH DARN IT. 

Tell me, how many teenage girls can sniff out bad writing? 

*Raises hand* Excluding myself... *Sadly puts hand down...*  

When you're so in love with a fictional character and when you're living vicariously through the story it's very hard to tell.

So stop.  Stop putting yourself in Bella's place.  Stop fantasizing that Edward is creeping on you outside your window. Stop.  And actually open your eyes, and read the book like the intelligent little book worm you are.   

Reason Numero Uno for Twilight's Suck-iness:

Bella is an empty character.

"Nuh-uh. She is very dynamic and emotional and full of personality, you scum bag!"

"Shut up, she isn't, and I'm about to tell you why!"

If I read a piece of dialogue without seeing who said it, I can't distinguish who said what, especially during scenes Bella is in. Bella has no distinct voice. Examples?  Here ya go:

"What, no twenty questions today?"

"Do my questions bother you?"

"Do I react badly?"

"No, that's the problem. You take everything so coolly..."

OMGSH. Who the heck said what?  Can you tell?  Or are you such a fanatic that you memorized the whole novel, therefore, giving you inside knoweldge, therefore making you a CHEATER?

CHEATERS LEAVE MY BLOG NOW.

Just kidding. Don't. I love you so much that I less than three you!  <3

No...I don't know you....

Alright, back to Miss I-Have-No-Personality. I took a guess without looking at the book. (And mind you I've read all four novels so I am very familiar with the series.) I seriously thought Bella said the first line. 

She didn't. It was Edward. Bella is indistinguishable. Yeah, that's right! Read it and weep, baby. 

I went through other chapters and came across the same problem. Characters NEED voices!!! They sit there and beg for voices, because they want their personality to be HEARD. I CAN'T HEAR BELLA.

Here's another reason why the novel is a best-seller, but really shouldn't be: 

The reader can easily fill the character up with his/her self. Teenage girls can relate to Bella, can fill her empty self up, because Bella has nothing not to relate to. (Confusing statement, I know. Read it over until you understand it) This does NOT mean the writing is good.  Again, I will state that characters need voices. To not give a character, especially the MAIN character, a voice is a disgrace.

Reason B for Twilight's Suck-iness :

The Dialogue is horrible.

Dialogue should make sense even without the detailed paragraphs that follow. Twilight fails when it comes to dialogue. It fails epically. <-----I couldn't resist....

"Dialogue, schmialogue! Edward is so dang hott it doesn't matter!"

"Um, yeah, it kinda does matter. Like a whole dang lot, little gay boy!"

Dialogue makes a novel sparkle. Helllllooooo!?! Have you ever heard the phrase critics use?

"The novel is such a good read with sparkling dialogue and witty characters that actually have personality/voice."

"Edward's body is sparkling, doesn't that count?!"

"NO. It doesn't, you middle aged cougar." Hmm, well technically Edward is like 185 or something, so I guess that doesn't make sense... (Want to talk cougars? Google British actor, Aaron Johnson, and his future wifey poo. I love him, but that relationship is just WRONG.)

Examples of dialogue not making any sense from Twilight: 

"No. He carved it himself. It hung on the wall above the pulpit in the vicarage where he preached."............"Are you alright?" (Edward)

"How old is Carlisle?" (Bella)

WHAT was THAT? They go from talking about some cross apparently, then he asks her if she's alright (?), and then she asks- (Note that she doesn't answer! So many of the characters do not answer, but repsond with ANOTHER question! It's infuritating.)- she asks how old Carlisle is.

*Sighs melodramatically and stares at keyboard for a long while wondering if it's even worth continuing.... Glances back up determinedly and presses onward*

More examples: Oh geez. This one is worse. Please read aloud! Or else it won't have the same effect.

"What can I do for you?" (Carlisle)

"I wanted to show Bella some of our history. Well, your history actually." (Edward)

"We didn't mean to disturb you." (Bella)

"Not at all. Where are you going to start?" (Carlisle)

"The Wagonner." (Edward)

"London in the sixteen-fifties." (Edward)

"The London of my youth." (Carlisle)

"Will you tell the story?" (Edward)

Well, I Googled "Wagonner," and I still don't know what the heck it is/means. Maybe it's a code word for "Hey, foster daddy, I might kill Bella!" Or maybe the dialogue is just crappy! Then I love how we go from this so-called Wagonner to London! That was an exciting adventure that didn't take very long! Which was the London of Carlisle's youth, too. Then Edward wants to hear a story. The Three Little Pigs perhaps?

The dialogue is bumpy; it doesn't flow.  DIALOGUE NEEDS TO FLOW. This dialogue flows like the blood of an obese, fast-food loving, oreo addicted human being- which means not at all.

Hoorah for controversy! Yes, I am going to continue, too. Nothing's stopping me now!

The Wagonner, the Wagonner, the Wagonner....THE. WAGONNER.

Reason Infinity and Beyond for Twilight's Suck-iness:

There is too much tell and no show. 

This blog is about this, this, this, that, this, that, this, this, and that. Oh yeah, and some of this and that, too.

ARGGGG!!!! *Pulls face angrily* Yes, those who do not enjoy reading and figuring things out for themselves will most defintely enjoy Twilight. Along with those who don't feel like using their imaginations. Why? Because Miss Meyer will tell you everything the novel is about in one fast sitting, leaving you without wondering about anything and knowing ALL there is possible to know about vampires, the Cullens, werewolves, and blah, blah, blah.

Examples? Sure the whole entire book is the example, but I'll pick one out for the sake of picking because I do like to pick....*Picks nose discreetly....*

Just kidding. That's gross..... 

"I hope Edward didn't see from outside my window..." I murmur to myself. *Looks out window and sees nothing* "Oh, I know he was there. He must have used his super speed to run away and hide."

*Sigh.... Continues typing furiously*

So here's some background info: Bella asks Edward a question. Edward decides to create his own monologue and OVER EXPLAINS EVERYTHING. *Cries slow, painful tears* Over explains every. little. thing....It's torturous I tell you!!!!

"Well, I can listen to Edward talk all day, so HA!"

"Well, very strange straight boy, firstly- you are reading, not listening. Secondly- I can't. So, um, HA HA. Oh yeah, that was a double ha."

Sorry. Here ya go:

"Are there a lot of...your kind?" (Bella)

"No, not many. But most won't settle in any one place. Only those like us, who've given up hunting you people can live together with humans for any length of time. We've only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became too noticeable. Those of us wo live...differently tend to band together." (Edward and his dear friend Mr. Monologue- it's a creepy guy relationship.)

Huh! Well, isn't that fascinating! It only took fifteen minutes to answer a simple yes or no question. Geez, Bella, I hope you learn to never ask Eddie Bear a question again.  

*Sigh for the hundredth time* 

Unfortunately, she doesn't. And all the other characters, the sexy Jacob Black in particular, have the same issue as Edward. It's a disgusting/obsessive relationship between character and monologue.

Steph-Steph could've at least attempted to incorporate that information later in the story. Show, don't tell. Leave it up to the reader to figure it out; to make it suspenseful/mysterious. Plus, the reader will feel good about his/ her self once they figure something out on their own in the story. It makes them feel special. Don't we all like feeling special? Yes, yes we do.

(Psssst: That's why Harry Potter is better.)

But she was too hasty! *Tisk tisk tisk* Hasty writers = Edward and Monologue relationship. Gross! I thought Edward loved Bella...nope. He loves his own voice!!! And me. *Makes creepy eyes in direction of window*

I could go on, but I've spent a brobdingnagian amount of time on this blog. (Google it)

Interesting stuff, huh? Or not. Maybe you hated this blog. In that case-usually I'd say "leave" or something to that extent, but instead I'm saying- "Yay!" Because I did my job. Controversy is key.

Unless you loved this blog.

In that case...GET THE HECK OUT.

Just kidding. I'm so glad you loved it that I'm making out with Edward in my mind....whoa! Didn't I say no fantasizing?! Goodness....what a Starburst contradiction....

Signing out of this very long blog like yeah-

Gwen the Super Hero,  over and out.

Hey! Hey You! Yeah You! AVADA KEDAVRA, JERK.

To be a wizard for a day... what would you do? 

Would you turn your AP United States History teacher into a piece of toilet paper then flush her down the toilet?  (Heck yeah!)

Would you levitate your whole classroom?  (Ooo trippy...)

Would you fly away for the night on a broom?  ("I can show you the world! Shining, shimmering splendor.")

Or would you flick your wand and say "accio- double stuff oreo!" (I'm Harry Freakin' Potter)

To be a wizard for the day, oh- the things I'd do that would earn me a lifetime of demerits at school....

It's a dark and dismal day.  The alarm clock screams crappy 93.3 music, and I punch it into my nightstand wanting to just slip away under my soft sheets.  It's another morning, another thrilling day of school awaits...I dress myself, wash myself, feed myself, and drag my dead self outside.

Wonderful story so far isn't it?

I'm waiting for my bus, and it starts raining. 

"What the Holy Bagels is this?!"  I scream in agony and crumple to the pavement in a heap of self-pity.

"It's rain, you pathetic Muggle." 

A voice!  From where? And did it really call me a Muggle?  I scan the area suspiciously... I glance up, and I see someone floating in a heavenly fog above me.  Do I smell bagels?

I squint- OMG IT'S SABRINA THE TEENAGE WITCH!

"Like OMG you're-" 

"Harry freakin' Potter," she says as she floats down to me in an awkward angelic/hippie/yoda way.

"Um, I don't think..."

"Just shut up, Muggle, I am," she says rudely. I don't like this schizophrenic chick very much.  "Now listen to me," she demands.  "Take this- are you listening?!" She screams, and I quickly stop Jedi fighting against my pop, Vader.  "Filthy, stupid creatures...Take this wand.  And do whatever the heck you want with it."

"Awesome!" I say as she tosses a birch wood wand also made with the guts of a pigmy puff down to me. She goes to ascend back into the sky, but I quickly stop her.  "Can I have a bagel with veggie cream cheese?"

"Girl, just accio it,"  she snaps at me. "So dumb, I don't know why I was assigned this job." 

"Okay...ACCIO BAGEL WITH VEGGIE CREAM CHEESE!" 

WHHHHHOMMP.  Well, instead of getting a face-full of deliciousness, I get a face-full of Sabrina/Harry's arm.  I peer over her arm, which is glued to my face, and see my bagel in her other hand.

"Could you wait until I let go of it....," she hisses.  I give a sheepish smile. (Well don't I feel baaaaaa-d! So punny.)

I'm at school now.  I own this joint.  I'm reading to kick some bootay-tay with my super-fly wand.  I'm on top of the world. I'm so fly I'm touching the sky. I'm so cool that I- what is this injustice before my fantastic wizard eyes?!  I look up from my seat and gape at the hideous sight.

MATH HW: Questions pg. 87 #2-12 evens.

Yeah, not too bad right?  UNTIL YOU SEE THAT EACH QUESTION REQUIRES YOU TO DO PARTS A-Z!

This. Right here. Is a disgrace to humanity. 

"My wand is awesome turn this teacher into a opossum!" 

*Tah-dah*

The kids are going nuts! And so is my teacher! Look at her scurry across the floor like mad! Oh, I could get used to this...time to find my APUSH teacher....I leave the classroom and go to her lair- I mean classroom...

There she is.  Plopped down on her swivel chair, squinting at her compy screen like the old woman she is.... I step in cautiously.  For some strange reason, my forehead begins to throb.

Then she looks up.  AND...

HOLY BUTTERSCOTCH BROWNIES! SHE HAS NO NOSE AND SLITS FOR EYES! 

"I knew you'd come for me, you failure of a student," she mutters darkly. I try to not let her disgusting new look distract me.

"That's epic failure to you," I say boldly (Quite literally, too.). "And it's only because you're an epic failure of teacher."

"Is that so?" She glares at me.

"Um, yeah kinda."

"Well then....AVADA KEDAVRA!"

"PIGMY PUFF I CHOOSE YOU!" I yell with all my might and point my wand at her face.  A small pigmy puff pops out of my wand and wobbles in the line of fire.  I try to push it out of the way, but...it's too late...

"NO!!!! PIGMY!" I run over to the dead puff and weep.  "This isn't over you spawn of Voldemort! My puff will be avenged!"  I hold a clenched fist up in rage.

"That's going to be rather difficult," she tells me mysteriously. "Seeing as I have 6 parts of my soul living within objects and/or students in this school...." she hisses and fades away, and only her devil eyes and disturbing evil cat-like smile remain for a few seconds before completely disappearing.  "And who wrote the Declaration of  Independence?" Her voice haunts me while I stand alone, wondering if I'm losing my sanity.

"Thomas Jefferson!" I shout to the ceiling. "You'll have to do better than that to thwart me!"

I go to leave the putrid room (It smells like spoiled cream cheese...What a Starburst contradiction.), and I stare at the poor pigmy puff.  "I'll avenge you, and I'll save this school, and possibly the whole wide world, too."  I point my wand like the potential hero I am and call out,  "Accio-butter scotch brownie."  

The scrumptious brownie flies into my mouth, and I flick off the light.  I exit the lair to go destroy my arch enemy.

WOW. Fascinating stuff, right?! Well, maybe you didn't find it fascinating. Maybe you think this was a complete waste of your time.  Time you could spend stalking your crush on Facebook.  Maybe you hate this blog with a fiery passion.  If that's the case then- AVADA KEDAVRA, JERK!

Just kidding.

Signing out of this blog like yeah-

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.