Hey! Hey You! Yeah You! AVADA KEDAVRA, JERK.

To be a wizard for a day... what would you do? 

Would you turn your AP United States History teacher into a piece of toilet paper then flush her down the toilet?  (Heck yeah!)

Would you levitate your whole classroom?  (Ooo trippy...)

Would you fly away for the night on a broom?  ("I can show you the world! Shining, shimmering splendor.")

Or would you flick your wand and say "accio- double stuff oreo!" (I'm Harry Freakin' Potter)

To be a wizard for the day, oh- the things I'd do that would earn me a lifetime of demerits at school....

It's a dark and dismal day.  The alarm clock screams crappy 93.3 music, and I punch it into my nightstand wanting to just slip away under my soft sheets.  It's another morning, another thrilling day of school awaits...I dress myself, wash myself, feed myself, and drag my dead self outside.

Wonderful story so far isn't it?

I'm waiting for my bus, and it starts raining. 

"What the Holy Bagels is this?!"  I scream in agony and crumple to the pavement in a heap of self-pity.

"It's rain, you pathetic Muggle." 

A voice!  From where? And did it really call me a Muggle?  I scan the area suspiciously... I glance up, and I see someone floating in a heavenly fog above me.  Do I smell bagels?

I squint- OMG IT'S SABRINA THE TEENAGE WITCH!

"Like OMG you're-" 

"Harry freakin' Potter," she says as she floats down to me in an awkward angelic/hippie/yoda way.

"Um, I don't think..."

"Just shut up, Muggle, I am," she says rudely. I don't like this schizophrenic chick very much.  "Now listen to me," she demands.  "Take this- are you listening?!" She screams, and I quickly stop Jedi fighting against my pop, Vader.  "Filthy, stupid creatures...Take this wand.  And do whatever the heck you want with it."

"Awesome!" I say as she tosses a birch wood wand also made with the guts of a pigmy puff down to me. She goes to ascend back into the sky, but I quickly stop her.  "Can I have a bagel with veggie cream cheese?"

"Girl, just accio it,"  she snaps at me. "So dumb, I don't know why I was assigned this job." 

"Okay...ACCIO BAGEL WITH VEGGIE CREAM CHEESE!" 

WHHHHHOMMP.  Well, instead of getting a face-full of deliciousness, I get a face-full of Sabrina/Harry's arm.  I peer over her arm, which is glued to my face, and see my bagel in her other hand.

"Could you wait until I let go of it....," she hisses.  I give a sheepish smile. (Well don't I feel baaaaaa-d! So punny.)

I'm at school now.  I own this joint.  I'm reading to kick some bootay-tay with my super-fly wand.  I'm on top of the world. I'm so fly I'm touching the sky. I'm so cool that I- what is this injustice before my fantastic wizard eyes?!  I look up from my seat and gape at the hideous sight.

MATH HW: Questions pg. 87 #2-12 evens.

Yeah, not too bad right?  UNTIL YOU SEE THAT EACH QUESTION REQUIRES YOU TO DO PARTS A-Z!

This. Right here. Is a disgrace to humanity. 

"My wand is awesome turn this teacher into a opossum!" 

*Tah-dah*

The kids are going nuts! And so is my teacher! Look at her scurry across the floor like mad! Oh, I could get used to this...time to find my APUSH teacher....I leave the classroom and go to her lair- I mean classroom...

There she is.  Plopped down on her swivel chair, squinting at her compy screen like the old woman she is.... I step in cautiously.  For some strange reason, my forehead begins to throb.

Then she looks up.  AND...

HOLY BUTTERSCOTCH BROWNIES! SHE HAS NO NOSE AND SLITS FOR EYES! 

"I knew you'd come for me, you failure of a student," she mutters darkly. I try to not let her disgusting new look distract me.

"That's epic failure to you," I say boldly (Quite literally, too.). "And it's only because you're an epic failure of teacher."

"Is that so?" She glares at me.

"Um, yeah kinda."

"Well then....AVADA KEDAVRA!"

"PIGMY PUFF I CHOOSE YOU!" I yell with all my might and point my wand at her face.  A small pigmy puff pops out of my wand and wobbles in the line of fire.  I try to push it out of the way, but...it's too late...

"NO!!!! PIGMY!" I run over to the dead puff and weep.  "This isn't over you spawn of Voldemort! My puff will be avenged!"  I hold a clenched fist up in rage.

"That's going to be rather difficult," she tells me mysteriously. "Seeing as I have 6 parts of my soul living within objects and/or students in this school...." she hisses and fades away, and only her devil eyes and disturbing evil cat-like smile remain for a few seconds before completely disappearing.  "And who wrote the Declaration of  Independence?" Her voice haunts me while I stand alone, wondering if I'm losing my sanity.

"Thomas Jefferson!" I shout to the ceiling. "You'll have to do better than that to thwart me!"

I go to leave the putrid room (It smells like spoiled cream cheese...What a Starburst contradiction.), and I stare at the poor pigmy puff.  "I'll avenge you, and I'll save this school, and possibly the whole wide world, too."  I point my wand like the potential hero I am and call out,  "Accio-butter scotch brownie."  

The scrumptious brownie flies into my mouth, and I flick off the light.  I exit the lair to go destroy my arch enemy.

WOW. Fascinating stuff, right?! Well, maybe you didn't find it fascinating. Maybe you think this was a complete waste of your time.  Time you could spend stalking your crush on Facebook.  Maybe you hate this blog with a fiery passion.  If that's the case then- AVADA KEDAVRA, JERK!

Just kidding.

Signing out of this blog like yeah-

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.