Butter Face, It's High Time You Get Over Yourself.

Mocking. It's what I do, it's who I be- B-L-A-C-K-E-Y-E-D-P-E-A-S. 

....It's part of a song....

Alright, just forget it.

SO! I'm here to inform you that I am reading The Princess Bride by William Goldman.

"I don't give a flying crap that you're reading! What a stupid blog! ARRRRGG!" *Throws new computer that they bought due to the first one being damaged for similar reasons out the window*

Yeah...You're going to have to stop doing that, those things cost quite a bit...

I'm here to give a review of Buttercup's character. I warn people who are reading this and didn't throw their compy out, that if you like Buttercup's character then...... please stay =) 

*Lights suddenly go out, lightning strikes, illuminating my very creepy shadow against nearest wall* 

MWAHAHAHA!!!!

*Resume normalcy*

Right, here goes something or nothing depending on who's actually going to read this. 

Please, read this...it'll make me feel a little less unloved... Oh SNAP! It's been two hours. If you'll excuse me for a moment, please.

*Goes to mirror and stares at reflection.* "You are beautiful. You are smart. You are successful. You are beautiful. You are smart. You are successful...." *Tears brim in eyes* "I-I can't go on...I think the psychiatrist will understand that I have to cut it short for today..." 

Buttercup starts out in the beginning of the novel as the lovable tomboy.  She's cool and rides a horse named Horse.  All cool people ride horses. And write blogs.

She has a whole bunch of these guys after her, but she doesn't pay much mind to them, because she's independent.  She does her own thing- works on the farm; chills with her horse, Horse; ignores the annoying catty girls of the village; blogs; etc.

Here's one of my favorite lines (and there are many!): "Oh, the boys!" Buttercup fairly exploded. "I do not care about 'the boys.' Horse loves me and that is quite sufficient, thank you."

I love her headstrong attitude and her down-to-earth style.  It's refreshing, and I think many would agree with me. Or maybe you all disagree. 

Maybe you prefer the superficial Buttercup who pops up in the upcoming chapters after she goes mentally insane when Westley leaves her, finds out that she is the most beautiful girl in the whole land, becomes the soon-to-be Queen, goes even more mentally insane when Westley returns, stops blogging (which disappointed me the most),and etc. etc.

But I'm not at that point yet.

Buttercup seems like the down-to-earth girl everybody likes, with a few flaws that every girl can relate to. 

"I'm sorry, but I don't relate to her issues at all. I'm perfect and everyone adores me. I have no issues. Because I'm perfect and everyone adores me."

"Alright then WHATEVER. MAYBE YOU DON'T RELATE TO HER AT ALL. GEEZ." You people really need to stop interrupting me.

"Hey, Gwen!"

"WHAT NOW?"

"Knock, Knock!"

"Oooo, I love knock, knock jokes! Who's there!"

"Interrupting cow!"

"Interrupting co-"

"MOO!!"

......."OUT. NOW."

Just kidding. Don't leave. I love all of your lame knock, knock jokes.

Not really.

Okay, back to Butt-Face- I mean Buttercup. (I'm not suppose to call her that until later in the blog when I show you how obnoxious she truly becomes).

A little bit further into the story- Buttercup falls in love with the "ranch-hand," Westley.  She practically goes insane over him, especially when he doesn't reply to her when she goes into great detail of how much she loves him. (Oh goodness- I have to admit I loved that part. What was your favorite part? No, don't tell me. I don't really care. Just kidding. I do. Tell me!)

Here's my favorite; it's terribly long but it's also terribly necessary:

"I love you,' Buttercup said. 'I know this must come as something of a surprise to you, since all I've ever done is scorn you and degrade you and taunt you, but I have loved you for several hours now, and every second, more. I thought an hour ago that I loved you more than any woman has ever loved a man, but a half hour after that I knew that what I felt before was nothing compared to what I felt then. But ten minutes after that, I understood that my previous love was a puddle compared to the high seas before a storm. Your eyes are like that, did you know? Well they are. How many minutes ago was I? Twenty? Had I brought my feelings up to then? It doesn't matter.' Buttercup still could not look at him. The sun was rising behind her now; she could feel the heat on her back, and it gave her courage. 'I love you so much more now than twenty minutes ago that there cannot be comparison. I love you so much more now then when you opened your hovel door, there cannot be comparison. There is no room in my body for anything but you. My arms love you, my ears adore you, my knees shake with blind affection. My mind begs you to ask it something so it can obey. Do you want me to follow you for the rest of your days? I will do that. Do you want me to crawl? I will crawl. I will be quiet for you or sing for you, or if you are hungry, let me bring you food, or if you have thirst and nothing will quench it but Arabian wine, I will go to Araby, even though it is across the world, and bring a bottle back for your lunch. Anything there is that I can do for you, I will do for you; anything there is that I cannot do, I will learn to do. I know I cannot compete with the Countess in skills or wisdom or appeal, and I saw the way she looked at you. And I saw the way you looked at her. But remember, please, that she is old and has other interests, while I am seventeen and for me there is only you. Dearest Westley--I've never called you that before, have I?--Westley, Westley, Westley, Westley, Westley,--darling Westley, adored Westley, sweet perfect Westley, whisper that I have a chance to win your love.' And with that, she dared the bravest thing she'd ever done; she looked right into his eyes."  

AH, how sweet is that?! Unless you skipped the whole thing. In that case, you stink like a werewolf. (Hey! Read my blog Twilight Sucks!)

But dear Westley ignores her (boys are very skilled at that!), she becomes depressed and locks herself away. 

WOW. We go from this head-strong girl, to someone who can't see herself happy without a man- but it's love, right? And it's the only man she's ever cared for, and ever will. Right?

Until she goes to him an says that she was playing a cruel joke on him.

OMGSH IT'S A ROLLER-COSTER THAT NEVER ENDS. I'm on page 202, and it's still not over- this whole roller-coster of emotions. The drama! But we all love the drama, don't we? Yes, yes we do.

But then Westley assures her that he, too, has always loved her and blah blah blah.

All that sweet stuff that makes teenage girls, gay boys, very strange straight boys, and everyone else in between love the book.

Buttercup, naturally, takes back what she says

Right when it gets good- the love of her life LEAVES her and DIES. (If you've read the book, then you know that he didnt really die, and if you haven't read the book- sorry I just spoiled it for you, but why would you be reading this?! I know. It's because I'm awesome. *Blushes*)

Onward! <------LOVE that word.

Okay, so Buttercup has been through a lot.  Just like that bully or that snobby cheerleader in school has been through a lot, right?

Well, she goes through even MORE! Yes! We all enjoy watching the main character suffer! No, but it does keep the reader hooked! 

Anyways, Buttercup becomes the "most beautiful girl" in the whole freakin' world (Ya right. I think we all know that the most beautiful girl is Bella Swan. Hello? Haven't you heard  that not only is she gorgeous, but also her blood smells like strawberries!?), is snatched up by this disturbing Prince Humperdinck who will make her Queen, but then she is captured by a team of assassins.

Issues upon issues.... I smell a character transformation! I actually caught a wiff of it when Westley left her and croaked- it smelled pretty gross. Nothing at all like Bella's blood.

Oh but it gets better!!!! Westley saves her from the assassins! Then takes her through this horrifying swamp land to escape from Prince Humperdinck (that plan fails horribly.).  You'd think that she'd be elated that Westley comes back. That she'll love him forever and ever now that they are back together, right?

WRONG! 

But I'll get into that in a moment.

We notice a gruesome change in Buttercup's character....Westley talks to her and explains to her that she is even more beautiful than he remembered. Aw....How sweet! Let's hear what Buttercup has to say:

"Enough about my beauty. Everyone always talks about how beautiful I am. I've got a mind, Westely, talk about that."

Why hello, love! Nice to see YOU  again, too! 

What a butt face.

At this point, I despise Butter Biscuit. She no longer is that lovable, cool person.  Which is definitely understandable as to why William Goldman would do that. I mean, she can't be the same person anymore, right? She lives in a castle now, where people cater to her every need, and always tell her how beautiful she is. Does it give her a right to respond to dear, hunky-hunk, super-mega-foxy-awesome-hott Westley like that?

NO.

But she has to have some flaws.  So there ya go.  

I still don't like Butter Face though at this point.  And that feeling intensifies further into the chapter....

Onward!

Westley, like the true gentleman he is, ignores her snappy attitude, and doesn't decide to leave her for the scary creatures to devour.  They move through the fire swamp, and Westley saves her from the highly dangerous Snow Sand and the terrifying R.O.U.S.

So heroic! *Swoons as little hearts form in eyes*

They finally make it out of the swamp when *gasp!* Prince Freaky is there to greet them!

The Prince commands them to surrender, but Westley holds Butter-Butt-Face's hand and replies "Death first!"

Wow. Who doesn't love Westley by now?

Oh that's right, Miss Butter Brain doesn't. She decides to surrender for Westley.

Hate Scale (from dislike to hate very much): DESPISE.

Get a load of this:

"The truth," said Westley, "is that you would rather live with your Prince than die with your love."

"I would rather live than die, I admit it." (BUTT FACE)

"We were talking of love, madam."

"I can live without love." (BUTT FACE)

YES, SHE CAN LIVE WITHOUT LOVE BECAUSE SHE'S A HEARTLESS JERK.

......

Sorry, about that.

But she left Westley there to soon die in the Zoo of Death (I haven't got to that part yet and yes, I know Butt Face was under the impression that the Prince would set Westley free, but how dumb can you be to not know that Prince Humperdinck would try and kill WesWes anyway?!)

Westley can find someone much better. Like me.  But I'll have to keep it a secret from Eddie Boo. (That's my vampire boyfriend. I less than three him, which is obviously meaningless like Butler Cup's "love" for Westley.)

There. I don't believe I need to go any further in explaining why I don't like Butter Biscuit (Plus, that's as far as I got in the book...)

I don't understand this complete character change, but perhaps Goldman has something up his sleeve that I don't know about. 

Like a majestic dove, or my hankie that I swore I had safely away in my purse. 

Oooo, maybe he'll make her start blogging again!

Well, that's my opinion on Butter Toast. Maybe you think differently. Or maybe you liked this blog! Or maybe you bought another computer just to finish reading this blog and then for a third time yelled,"That's how this blog ended! I hate this blog! ARGGGG!" and threw your compy out the window.

In that case- get a life.

Just kidding, don't! Because you keep giving me more views! And that makes for a happy Gwen.

Hate Scale by End of the Chapter: EXTREME DESPISEOCIDITY. (That's for Buttered Roll, not the book. I love the book!)

Prediction of what will happen in novel: Westley will release a R.O.U.S. on the castle, and then come and marry me.

Signing out of this blog like yeah-

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.