Happy Happy New Year Everyone!

Yep, this new year deserves a double happy.

I really can't spend a lot of time on this post unfortunately.  I have some homework that I need to get done before tomorrow so I can have my weekend free before school starts up again.

BUT YES! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!

I'm making a promise to myself that this new year is going to be kick ass.  I don't give a leaping crap in the middle of a safari if people are saying this is just 'another year.'  This year is going to rock my socks all the way to the heart of Bon Jovi.

So who's with me?! Let's start a revolution.  I don't mean the crazed mob with pitchforks kind of revolution. I mean, let's take on some resolutions! It'll be a Resolution Revolution.

"Bah HUM FLIPPIN BUG! I don't do that crap. I never follow through with my resolutions, so why even bother?"

Well, just follow through with it! I mean, what's holding you back? Yourself, darn it! 

This is what you've got to do:

Let yourself go

Not in the sense that you're going to eat whatever the heck you want and in that way 'let yourself go.'  

But it's really that simple. Let yourself be free!  Give up on holding yourself back.  It's too exhausting.

I'm giving up and giving in- letting go so I can show exactly what I'm capable of doing.

If you want to lose weight, go join a gym and commit to it.

If you want to write a novel (haha), then write it; a little bit each day.

If you want to finally stop stalking your crush on Facebook, then just talk to him one day (preferably in person!)

If you want to be nicer to people, then get your cranky buttookis off the ground and be nice!

If you want to be courageous, then go dare yourself to do something you'd never would've have done before!

Come on people, let's do this.

Here's to 2011. The best year yet.

Happy x's 2011 times New Year!

Signing out of this blog like yeah-

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out

Blogging my Journey: The Story is Unfolding Before My Eyes

Hi there! Quick post to say a few important things.  

I'm working on a novel, and I'm so psyched for it that I feel like talking about it on here!  I've been thinking of some pretty awesome ideas, and I'm finding that these ideas are meshing together nicely.  Now, for big news! 

Big news for me at least.

I'm planning on blogging about my journey through creating this novel. 

Why? It gives me motivation.  Motivation to keep up with it.  If I plan on blogging about it, then I feel as though I HAVE to finish it.  And finishing my novel is a huge, but attainable, goal.

I went through a dark time.  I'll call it my ginormous writer's block of death.  Only I'm surviving.  I have written about 70-something pages, and I think the idea is fab. Unfortunately, my thoughts for it were not coherent within the writing.  It was falling apart before my eyes.  I got so frustrated, I simply gave up on the whole fiasco!

Fiasco. That's what it was becoming. A fiasco.  I am thoroughly ashamed. 

Not anymore. No, I am not giving up that easily.  I'm going to finish it, even it is a complete train wreck.  It needs some saving though.  I'm going to outline the story first.  That way, I have a guide to follow.  I won't be writing on a whimsy.  I actually started writing the outline in school during my free period.  That class is extremely useful....never take it for granted if you have it.  Anyway, because of that class I have the first several chapters outlined. Yay progress! 

SO...What's it about?  Well, I am not revealing much, because I don't like having ideas this big out for the whole world to see...and steal.  I will say that it is fictional.  It is a fantasy.  My favorite character is Hob. It takes place in the U.S., and it's absolutely brilliant.  I'm thrilled with it.

I do need some rooting on throughout this process.  Keep checking back here on my blog for news! Even though I don't really have any followers or comments or anything on here, I do see that people view my blog and THAT is enough for me to keep writing/blogging.  But those other aspects are greatly appreciated, of course.

This is a writer's blog.  If you're a writer, you will understand exactly what I am going through. If you have a heart, you'll be here to help me along the way. *puppy dog eyes*

That's all! Lucky ducks- two blogs in one day. ;)

Signing out of this blog like yeah-

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.

Getting to Know the Author: 100 Things About Me

So.  I think it's time for a post that is not so silly. Although, I love being absolutely crazy, I think that this is necessary.  I need to open up a bit, even if you- whoever you are- could care less about who I am.  Let's call this: Getting to Know the Author.

It may seem vain and frankly, even a little stupid.  But look at it like this: people generally like to know about other people.  Let's face it- we are all a bit curious.  We want to know what other people think, do, like, dislike, etc.  Once we know get to know each other a bit, we realize we have some similarities: each person has a characteristic that you or I can to relate to, and we like relating to each other.  It makes us feel connected.  We're not alone.

That's what I'm going to do! I'll outline a picture of who I am for you.  I saw that a bunch of other bloggers did this, so I thought, what the heck! Why not?  Give me a shout out if you connect with me on any of things I'm about to type.

Facts about Yours Truly:

1. I need to have some kind of chocolate everyday.  It doesn't matter if it's a liquid, solid, or a gas.  I never realized until recently that I can't go a day without chocolate....sick, isn't it?
2. I have an obsession with not closing things.  I don't close cabinets or drawers.  This can be connected to the fact that I have an irrational fear of loud noises...I don't know, really. I hate closing things.  It drives my parents nuts.
3. Since I'm on the subject of loud noises...I am a globophobic. (that is, I fear balloons.) I'm am not being funny.
4. I have a secret crush on Ben Folds.
5. I have a dream of becoming a world renown writer.
6. I swear in privacy. Quite a bit, if the situation I'm in provokes me to. I'll just say this: I'm human.
7. At my school, I'm a quiet person with absolutely no personality. Yep. Outside of school, I AM NOT. It's that stupid school.  I hate it so much. It steals who I am away from me.  Shame that people won't get to know the real me.  This is why I can't wait to break away from that school.  I feel like I'm living under the shadows of the other students.  Can't wait to be free. 
8. When Bruno Mars sings, I close my eyes and pretend he's singing to me.
9. Many times, I look in the mirror and imitate Donald Trump. "You're fired!"
10. I make distorted faces at people who I don't like while walking behind them.  Occasionally, I do this in front of the security cameras at my school.
11. I am a dictionary.com/thesaraus.com addict.
12. I am a walking contradiction.  I want to scuba-dive, but one of my biggest fears is drowning.  I hate cold weather, but I love snow. I can only find things in my room when things are not organized. This is a proven FACT.
13. I am a nerd. And I am proud.
14. I hope that one of the following will happen: my parents will give me up for adoption and I will be adopted by J.K. Rowling OR when I become an author, J.K. and I will become very close friends (I'd visit her every so often for tea in her England estate).
15. I will not clean my room until it gets to the point where living in it is quite difficult.
16. I am a procrastinator. Right now, I'm procrastinating.
17. At one point in my life, I felt like I had no real friends. I didn't even have a best friend. I feel horribly about this now, because I've always had friends. AND I HAVE THE BESTEST FRIEND EVER! =) I think many people have felt that way at some point, though.
18. I am addicted to green tea.
19. Sometimes, I wish I was Asian.
20. I've wished on eyelashes, and looking back on those wishes, I thank God that none of them came true. For example, I wanted to marry Cole Sprouse when I was in the 6th grade.
21. When people don't listen to what I'm saying I keep talking anyway, and sometimes I even comment on what I say.
22. Which brings me to my habit of talking to myself.
23. I purposefully dislike YouTube videos that have comments that say "152 don't know good music" just to throw the off number.
24. I hope that when I graduate, my teachers will come across this blog and wonder if some of the posts are about them.  I hope they never read it while I'm still in school...yet sometimes I do.
25. I imagine myself doing things I'll never do. For instance, in my biology class freshman year I sat next to the projector.  That meant my job was to push the little button to turn it on when my teacher needed to use it. Multiple times I've imagined myself just hurling the projector at the whiteboard instead. I've always wondered how people would react. Other times, I've imagined myself jumping out of my desk and announcing, "SCREW THIS, I'M GOING TO HOGWARTS." Or in other daydreams, I just walk out of the school and lay on the grassy hill.
26. I have a theory that my friend's dad is a secret agent.
27. I promised myself that if I go to college in NYC, I will date a ballet dancer from Juilliard or the New York Ballet.
28. I wake up early just so I can watch Avatar: The Last Airbender. 
29. I pretend that I am dumber than I am. I don't know why I do, but I do. I am very intelligent though. I am erudite.
30. I'll stare at the back of somebody's head during class, and in my mind I'm saying something of the like, "Scratch your back, scratch your back, scratch your back..." or "Turn around, turn around, turn around..."over and over again to see if I can get them to.  It hasn't worked. Yet.
31. Sometimes when I'm walking behind a guy whose pants are much too low, I am tempted to just pull them down and yell, "BELT."
32. I am writing a novel, and there is certain character that I absolutely love. In my school, there is a kid who looks exactly how I pictured this character...for months, all I did during class was stare at him in awe. The resemblance is uncanny.
33. When my brother is taking a shower, sometimes I make myself have to go to the bathroom so I can flush the toilet on him. I am aware that this is extremely evil.
34. My cat ran away a long time ago and, well, she never came back home. Sometimes...I still cry over it if I think about it long enough. It's stupid I know...but whatever. Stupid cat.
35. I put celebrities that I have crushes on in my contact list for my cell, and occasionally I pretend to text them.
36. I am fully aware that I am weird, and I've accepted it.
37. I make up awesome songs in the shower, but then forget them when I finish.
38. I have feigned illness several times to escape school.  I was such a good pretender that I even fooled myself.
39. I yell at inanimate objects. Furiously at times.
40. When I'm home alone and I think I hear something or someone, I pretend to be a man who hunts and a ferocious guard dog.  The dog's name is Brutus. "Et tu Brute?"
41. I hate chewing noises. It turns me into a monster. If it's quiet, and you're chewing near me, I will be peeved at you for the whole time.
42. My favorite movies are Tangled and Aladdin if you haven't noticed.
43. If I had to live on only a few foods for the rest of my life it would be Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and Dominos pizzas.
44. I am a vegetarian. Yay, veggies.
45. My favorite color is blue. It's been my favorite color since I was 4 years old. No joke.
46. I laugh randomly during class, mostly because a Spongebob Squarepants episode pops into my head.
47. I call myself Gwen the Super Hero, because years ago I wished I was StarFire from Teen Titans.
48. I can say the alphabet backwards without making any mistakes.
49. I swear my life is a living Jane Austen novel.
50. The theme songs to my life are: "Drops of Jupiter" by Train and "Doo-wah-doo" by Kate Nash.
51. My guilty pleasure T.V. show is Sarah Palin's Alaska.
52. I wouldn't mind marrying Michael Buble if it means he'd sing to me for the rest of my life. Love doesn't have an age!! Except for Aaron Johnson and his wifey-poo.
53. I went through a stage where I believed I'd be gothic. My only comment: HAHA.
54. I once made this epic fort in my closet, complete with a DVD player and a couch-ish pillow. That was only three years ago.
55. I'm an awkward person. But I've accepted this as well. I'd rather be honestly awkward than a fake.
56. Right now, I'm listening to Five Years Time by Noah and the Whale.
57.  If I could be any Disney character, I'd be Repunzel from the movie Tangled.
58. I fear the sight of blood, guts- the inside of the human body in general.
59. When I'm not writing, I usually feel sad.
60. RIght now, I'm happy.
61. If I get a bad grade on an essay, I convince myself that my teacher doesn't know anything about writing. I realize that this is stupid. Usually, I look back and see that I'm the one who doesn't know anything about writing, and I'll be depressed for the rest of the day.
62. To be honest, I don't have the closest relationship with my brother. One memory that stands out as a true 'bonding' moment, was when I was watching "Camp Rock" on Disney channel and he stopped by and started watching it with me. At the end, we were both disappointed that Mitchie and Shane didn't kiss.
63. I laugh when my parents yell at me. It noramally results in more yelling...
64. When I was little, I was afraid that everyone was a robot and I was the only human. Sometimes, I still wonder this....
65. I prefer imagination over reality.
66. I just realized that this could lead to schizophrenia....well, let's hope that never happens. Or perhaps schizos have more fun than the rest of us.
67. I hope to live in NYC for some time.
68. I want to own a horse one day. A white one. I'd name him Jonah.
69. I recently took a very long break from this blog to Google Spongebob quotes. 
70. "Secretly...I'm a little naive."
71. Don't think that all I do is watch cartoons. I don't. 
72. Ironically, I love the song "99 Red Balloons."
73. I tried learning Japanese once.
74. I believe that blogging is essential for my health.
75. I began blogging after I read a funny blog on Sparknotes. He blogged about Twilight.
76. The song "The Dog Days Are Over" empowers me....it instantly connects me with the world, and I feel vivacious and adventurous. It makes me want to travel the world.
77. The first CD I ever owned was a Backstreet Boys CD.
78. I enjoy listening to Taylor Swift the most when I write because she's so honest in her lyric writing, and I want to convey that same sense of honesty.
79. Once, my friend and I were leaving school, and this egotistical, obnoxious kid got in our way purposefully. We waited forever to let him pass, but he wouldn't move. Instead of turning the car around, my friend stepped on the gas and almost ran over him. We didn't, but secretly I was hoping she would...just a little nudge would do him justice.
80. My favorite T.V. show is Gilmore Girls.
81. I welcome germs.  They are a part of life. If something happens to drop on floor I'll eat it. I don't care.
82. I hate Kindles!!! And Kobos, and Sony Readers and all the other digital gadgets that are trying to take books away from the world forever.
83. I can't cook, mostly because I'm lazy. I prefer microwaving things and using the toaster oven.
84. I believe that people abuse their right to chew gum.
85. If I could destory one material object in the world it would be tights. Tights are the worst thing ever. I had to wear them for 7 years for my ballet class.
86. I think the whole world should go barefoot. I love wearing no socks. I go outside in the cold, rain, sunshine, and even snow with bare feet. It makes me feel free!
87. I don't believe in colored contacts or face surgeries (unless necessary). People need to learn how to appreciate the way God created them.
88. I'm generally a very optimistic person.
89. I'm independent. I enjoy alone time, when no one can bother me.
90. I lived in Juilliard College for two weeks once. =)
91. The most I've ever been scared was when I watched the "Exorcism of Emily Rose." We had to watch it in Film class. I thought I was a baby until I found out that my whole class couldn't sleep for days either.
92. I love to read. I read a ton of Nancy Drew books when I was little. I love Pride and Prejudice, and Shakespearean literature. I'm working on Lord of the Rings, but it's taking me forever (that man likes detail!), and I'm chomping down on Hacking Harvard - a modern novel.  The worst novel I've read is Robinson Crusoe.  As you know, or don't, I love Harry Potter.  I love The Princess Bride.
93. I want to start knitting.
94. I'm bad at keeping in touch with people, which makes me feel sorry. *sigh*
95. I absolutely hate it when people tell me what to do. 
96. I've secretly wanted to be a rock singer in a band, but I lack the ability!
97. I want to learn how to surf or at least try it.
98. I think the majority of people take life too seriously. I do at times...but I mean, what's the point? Enjoy life, don't let opportunities pass you. Don't worry so much about fleeting things. It's life. We all go throught it. Carpe diem, people. I wish I would follow this advice all the time.
99. I hope several years from now, people will look back on this blog and say, "So this is how she started..."
100. Well you either skipped to this point or you took the time to read my thoughts. I'll leave you with this: 

Pure as a puddle

murky and opaque

Simple as a stocking

threads so intricately weaved

Dull like a double-edge sword

sharp and skillfully created

We the people

so beautifully designed.

I like poetry! This is one I just made up and it's kind of lame, but I'm leaving it here for all the world to see.

Signing out of this blog like yeah-

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.

A New Language Has Been Discovered on My Blog

ഹി മൈ നെയിം ഈസ്‌ ഗ്വെന്‍ പുച്കെട്റ്റ് ആന്‍ഡ്‌ ഐ അം സ്പീകിംഗ്‌ അനോതെര്‍ ലാംഗ്വേജ് ദിസ്‌ ലങ്ഗുഗെ സ്ക്രിപ്റ്റ് ഈസ്‌ രീല്ലി പ്രേട്ടി. യു ഹാവ് എ നൈസ് ലാംഗ്വേജ് ഐ വൌല്ദ് ലൈക്‌ ടോ ലീര്ന്‍ ഇറ്റ്‌ ഓനെ ഡേ. ഐ തിങ്ക്‌ ഇറ്റ്‌ വില്‍ ഹെല്പ് മൈ സുല്ടുരല്ലി

I never knew I could speak another language! Isn't the writing beautiful? I am embracing other cultures. This proves it. Ok, that is all.  This blog is a bit of a tease. Oh, I'm so flirtatious. 

Oh, and hey updates! Yeah! The design has changed. Why? Well I changed a big picture at the top and it matches better with this design I chose. That's all!

Signing out of this blog like yeah~

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.

We Have One Thing that Voldemort Doesn't Have...

Noses and Mushu. Yes, I do mean that little dragon from Mulan.

FLASHBACK to a few blogs ago.

I was left behind in a deserted classroom, wondering how I will defeat the monstrous APUSH teacher...

*Dramatic Fade*

I walk out of the classroom and make my way down the hallway to the bathroom.  

She must be defeated! I cannot let her continue with this havoc reeking...THE REEKING MUST COME TO AN END. I wonder how I am to find the seven parts of her soul...and when I do, how will I destroy them? Oh fiddlesticks, this is just too much for me to handle. I might as  well be a death-eater. My life would be so much easier...

*A dramatic fade within this dramatic fade*

"Gwen...I love you. Will you please marry me?"

"Oh Bruno Mars! I-"

Sorry, wrong fade!

*Dramatic fade out of that dramatic fade all within the constant dramatic fade*

I am wearing a mask and torturing prospective seniors with AP US History. Oh hey look, there's my boss.

"Hey, Boss! How ya-"

She turns around, and I face the most hideous creature in my life!!!!

*GASP* "NO! It's her! I'm sorry I ever thought of this horrible day-dream! I want out! I want out!" I scream in pure, unadulterated agony.

*A more abrupt dramatic fade out of the current dramatic fade all within the dramatic fade*

Ok...let's not have that happen again. EVER.

I'm in the bathroom, contemplating. No, ya freak, I am most certainly not on the potty. Why would I do that? People drown in those things you know. Highly dangerous. No, I am sitting on the windowsill, staring out into the school courtyard.

You know what? I think I could use a sidekick. Yes, yes...someone to help me kick some APUSH butt. I don't know where I could find one. Oh hey, there's something in the courtyard...

"There's something out there...." I murmur as I lean toward the window to get a closer look.  I see a person walking about the courtyard aimlessly.

Well, this isn't exactly what I had in mind...but here goes something-

I open the window and call out, "Hey you!"

The wanderer peers up and waves. Then she continues walking.

"No, no!" I shout. "Listen, I have a question to ask you! Actually, more like a demand. Yes, you must obey me...you cannot refuse once I ask you."

She looks up again with a puzzled look. "What?" She calls out.

"I- Me. Yes, me. I have to ask you-" She still looked confused. "OH FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY, I'M SPEAKING ENGLISH HERE. WHAT ARE YOU TRULY? A ZORBIAN FROM PLANET ZORB?! WOULD GIBBERISH SUIT YOU?! FINE, THEN UOEADLLEABBBLUBBERFABBERMADHATTERRRRBLAHSHINGOMINKFUR-" Oh no! It seems that I have leaned too far out the window!!!

Down

down

down

down 

down

down

down     down....whoops! This down is lost! Let us redirect him...

down

down

down

down

down

dow-

I am, thankfully, saved by a crab-apple tree. And now "down" doesn't sound like a word to me anymore.  You are no son of mine!!!!

You know that feeling when you say a word too much? Gosh, what a long, DOWNward spiral that was, too. Down.

"What was it you were trying to say?" A girl, my age, comes and asks me, ignoring the fact that I am stuck in this most uncomfortable crab-apple tree.

"You. Yes, you. Will be my sidekick in avenging my pigmy puff, who died in infamy, and in the destruction of our most evil teacher." I tumble out of the tree like a rag doll. Today is just not my day. Besides the fact that I have a super-dee-dooper wand-o under my command-o.

"But-" She looks disturbed.

"NO! NO, BUTS. They bother me so." I dust myself off quickly. "Now, come along. We have to destroy our APUSH teacher. You don't happen to know where a part of her soul may be hidden, do you?"

"Um-"

"You know what. I think you and I, myself and yourself, yes- I think we," I point to her and then myself, "we will be good friends. And I know this is hasty, but Christmas is coming and I would like a dragon. Yes, I've always wanted a dragon. Ever since I was a mere child."

"Oh do you now? I happen to be part house elf."

"Oh well, that is FASCINATING." I stop and clap my hands together. "Can you go find me a dragon then? Would you do that?"

"It might take awhile...."

"I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE ONE NOW ELF!!" I shout angrily forgetting the manners my mommy taught me. "I mean, if it wouldn't cause you any trouble...my *friend*." =) <---- Me giving that irresistible smile. I must say that it doesn't really give it justice...but you get the picture.

*Snap cakes, snap cakes, there goes the elf- cakes! Poof!*

Annnnndddd she disappeared into thin air.

"I will take that as a yes!" I say merrily and start walking back to my school when I hear a voice hissing from somewhere within my perimeter....

"Yum, yum, yum....in my tum, tum, tum. If you consume me, BEWARE! Because then I will consume you! Yum, yum, yum."

"Yo ho, a pirate's life for me?" I whisper in return.

"You fool! I am no pirate! How dare you insult me in such a way!"

"Oh, well somebody's crabby." Crabby. Ha. Funny Word. Yet so ironic.....

Suddenly, I feel something burning in my jean pocket. "OMYGOSH WHAT IS HAPPENING?!" I tear through my pocket and pull out a small object and toss it to the ground in horror.  My eyes widen with fright at the sight before me.

A crab-apple is staring at me.

Or I assume that if it had eyes, it would be staring at me.

"You pathetic student! You will fail high school! And when you do, you can expect certain death!! Or work in a beauty salon for your entire life! Either is terrible! Muahahahahaa!!!"

"No...no...that won't happen," I say, terrified of the demonic crab-apple and its prophetic words.

"Oh, but it will! Yesssssss....." It hisses at me in the most repulsive way, I am tempted to kick it.  Unfortunately, pure fear of what may happen if I do encased my very soul.  I refrained from the brash act.  "Your pigmy puff is dead, your house elf friend deserted you, and you are dragonless."  

Everything is going blurry...I can't see straight.  My world is swirling around me...

"No...no..." I murmur, fading in and out of the world around me.  Then I hear a voice beyond the crab-apple.

"Don't listen to it! Destroy it! Hurry up, before it's too late!"

I close my eyes and force myself to find the strength within my heart.  I burst forth making the loudest battle cry I can.

"I AM PROUD TO BE A SPARTAN!" 

"Dude...you're American." 

*Fade is RUDELY interrupted*

"Ok, listen. My story. Not yours. My....story....notyours. And in this story THIS IS SPARTA. AND I AM A HUMBLE SPARTAN. With a really cool wand."

*Dramatic Fade*

With a rush of adreneline, I run and step on the crab-apple with all my might. AH-ha! Yes, it is finally defea-

"Ouchies!!!!" I squeal and jump off. "It bit a hole through my shoe!!!"

I fall down and the crab-apple advances toward me. It has a look of hunger drawn upon its fiber-filled, somewhat nutritional skin. Mmm...tasty! Or it would be if it wasn't evil.

"Stay away!!!" I crawl backwards rather pathetically. It's just about to leap on me and destroy me forever....

"ARGGGGGGGGGGG!!!! AYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAAAAAA!!!"

A red and blue blur flashes before me eyes and when it's gone, so is the crab-apple.  Phew....that was a close one!

I look around curiously and see that a few feet from is my house elf friend! With a dragon! That is feasting on the crab-apple!  Hoo-rah.

"I believe that this is part of that APUSH teacher's soul. She stored it within this crab-apple. Good thing I was able to find this dragon unusually fast or else you'd be...you'd be...huh..."

"Yeah, I dunno what the apple would've done to me either," I say to my house elf friend. "Thanks, though. Oh, and you brought me a dragon!"

"Why, yes! This is an Asian Lung, named Mushu," She pointed toward the dragon.

"I see....it's rather small." More like the size of a shoe....or a mouse. A shoe-mouse.

"I am your guardian dragon!!!!!" It shouted at me in a voice that sounded exactly like Eddie Murphy.

"Uh huh....," I reply, a little distracted by it's non-fierce-some-ness.

"It never shuts up," The part house-elf girl says.

"Well, then that's just adorable!" I say with complete sarcasm. "By the way, I never caught your name."

"My name is-"

"Wait, wait." I interrupt. "No. I need to give you a super-cool sidekick name. I got it. Yes. It is perfect. You will love it, I promise. Yes, your name shall be Howling Meercat."

"Ok, it's better than my real name which is-." BEEPBEEPBEEP. A cop on a scooter beeps us out of his way rudely.  Rude prude.  What a weird name she has....

"Strange....ANYWHO, LET US GO ONWARD WITH THIS PERILOUS JOURNEY INTO THE DARKNESS OF WHICH WE CALL HIGH SCHOOL!!"

"Alright. This should be fun! Too bad I have no choice."

"That's right! You have absolutely no choice!" I say joyfully. "I have a feeling that the next object of which the APUSH teacher's demented soul is in is somewhere located in the cafeteria...."

"Why?"

"Well reason numero uno: I am quite hungry. And quatro: I want to see what it's like to give a jelly legs jinx (I learned this from Starkid Potter) on some jelly."

Eddie Murphy's voice rings out suddenly, "Ain't no way you're going to be eating jelly when the huns are popping up like daisies!" I look down at the shoe-mouse.

"Right...." I smile and nod politely. 

"Ready?" Howling Meercat says finally.

"Let us go. ONWARD!"

*Fantastical fade out of this dramatic fade*

Well, that was fun. Or maybe you were completely bored and hated the whole thing and now hate me forever and ever for ever creating such a stupid blog, and now you feel the nagging urge to throw your compy out the window because this blog just angered you so.

All I can say is- I HATE YOU TOO NOW OUT.

No. Sadly, I can never hate anyone who takes the time out to read this blog, even if it angers them *Cue puppy dog eyes and adorable face*

Just kidding! I can hate you! In fact, if I wanted to, I could most certainly hate you right this instant. But I won't. I love you too darn much!

Not really. Ok, bye.

Wait, no...Just this moment, the thought occurred to me: Why did I never use my wand to destroy the crab-apple? Oh right, right. I know. It is because I have yet to master it. I will. One day. Preferably my next blog or sometime whenever. I'll practice when my parents go to sleep. Ya, believe me, I'm such a rebel!

Signing out of this blog like yeah~

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.

Stay tuned next time...for THE NEXT BLOG, DARN IT. Geez, don't pee yourself. I don't give "sneak peeks." Bye for real peeps!

Over the Hills and Through the Woods to Splitsville We Go.

The art of breaking up. It can be complicated, depressing, horrible, ugly, pretty, life-changing, a volcanic eruption, or totally awesome!(not really) Thankfully, I'm here to save you. You can always count on me. I advise you to take some of these helpful tips. It can make breaking-up seem fun! Then you go home and cry for hours with a bowl of pretzels and hummus and a sappy love movie that makes you hate life OR you make out with Taylor Lautner- your new bf! Wow, I got over that break-up fast!

Some ways to thwart the break-up-ier; confusion guaranteed:

It's over.

You: Oh, phooey.

We're done.

You: No! I'm done! *run away*

I think we should take a break.

You: Okay, I'll meet you back here in five then?

I can't stand you. I'm leaving you.

You: Don't let that door hit yo butt on the way out then!

It's not you, it's me.

You: Yeah, it is! You suck!

I'm breaking up with you.

You: I'm freeeeee!!! *fall to your knees and spread your arms upward*

Ways to break-up with that person who just makes you think of bad after-tastes, like lemons or guacamole (unless you like guacamole- I DO NOT TOLERATE GUACAMOLE LOVERS- OUT NOW! Just kidding. Please, stay. I'm lonely...Just kidding, I've got a werewolf bf now!):

You: Sianara foo!

You: Yeah, I broke up with you the day I met you. So technically, I don't need to break up with you because I already did.

Dumpee: What? No, you didn't.

You: YOU HAVE NO PROOF THAT I DIDN'T! *run away madly*

You: Like every horrific love story, this needs to end.

(Ouch! A bit cruel, but if you want him to feel the pain, it's perfect! Sorry, Edward. It's for the best.)

You: I'm moving. To Yudoturro.

Dumpee: Where's that?

You: Oh you know....on the map. Near a body of water. Next to some desert. Far away from you.

You: I need some time. My very large goldfish ate my other small goldfish and died.

Dumpee: Time? They're just fish!

You: You have no consideration! We're over with!

You: My dog ate my homework.

Dumpee: Huh?

You: Good-bye, forever.

Dumpee: Wait-

You: Don't make this harder than it is. Farewell.*Walk dramatically away*

Dumpee: I will always love you.

You: What? Are you breaking up with me?

Dumpee: Um, no, I said-

You: O my gosh, you are!

Dumpee: No, I'm-

You: FINE! GOOD-BYE FOREVER AND EVER, JOSEPH JONAS!!! (I don't like him. He bothers me so.)

You: My hott werewolf friend doesn't like you. And neither do I.

You: Avada Kedavra, Jerk! (This will get rid of him for sure!)

See? Breaking-up isn't that bad after all! Until you go home and drown in your loneliness.

But there are plenty of other fish in the sea! Like that bag boy in the grocery store or that kid who you know from that place that you go to or that guy you always see in the mall who has a bajillion tattoos and a piercing on his armpit (He's probably not the best choice. Unless you, too, have an armpit piercing and can totally relate to him...that's cool!)

So put on those bouncy shoes and bounce back, you resilient rubber band, you! And slash your ex's tires the next day! That'll show him!!

Ok, no, I'm kidding. I mean what would Carrie Underwood do? Did she just slash that snot rocket's tires? No she did more than that!!! And you should, too. Take it from her.

"I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped (souped? Like the food? I hate cars.) up four wheel drive.

'Carved my name into his leather seat!!!"

Something something.... (I never really liked this song)

"Slashed a hole in all four wheels!"

See, she did more than that! Just say to yourself when you're dumped, what would Carrie do?

Get sweet revenge, darn it!

Ok, personally, I'm a pacifist so I'd never do that.

I lied, I'm not a pacifist.

Actually, I don't really know. No one has attempted to punch my face. Therefore, I'm not so sure. And now I'm rambling.

This blog? Love it? Hate it? Tell me, oh multitude of fans I have.

“You have no fans, dork.”

Ahaaa. You so funny! Not.

Shut up! I can dream can't I?!

Sianara, foo!

Zoinks! =) Love Pinky. (Look it up)

Signing out of this blog like yeah-

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.

Falling Off the Face of the Earth is NOT One of My Hobbies

Don't worry (because I know you were all so very concerned about what happened to me), I did not fall off the face of the planet.

It's been much too long since my last blog! My plan was to blog almost everyday, but as you can see...

"Everyday?! THAT'S PITIFUL! You barely blogged once a month, you epic fail of a blogger!!!!! ARGGG!!!!" *Stomps out of room and doesn't throw computer this time because he has recently been attending anger management classes*

Well, I can say that THAT is something I did NOT miss AT ALL.

"It's okay we didn't miss you either."

......I'm just going to ingnore you. Starting...now!

So it's Halloween!

"Oh, I like your mask! Oh wait, my bad, it's just your face."

........................

*I leave the room and go to my thinking chair nearest to the window overlooking the lucious swamp in my backyard (thankfully it's nothing at all like the swamp in The Princess Bride) and let my mind wander away from the malicious insults being hurled at me. Once I've COMPLETELY GOTTEN OVER THEM, I return calmly to my computer and resume my blog*

"You're back!"

-______-

So it is Halloween, and I'm going as "The-teenager-who-really-doesn't-give-a-flying-jedi-crap-about-dressing-up-and-is-not-so-secretly-a-world-class-super-hero." It's very original. Guaranteed that you won't find it in your local costume shop!

I won't be trick or treating, but I will be handing out candy to all the youngsters, some teenagers, and occassionally a few adults (which is extremely awkward by the way) who enjoy begging for candy at the door of strangers' houses. Including mine, no matter how much I do not want them to come.... 

I've been handing out candy for a few years now, and I must say I am quite experienced in this area. I've decided I'll share a few of my secret tips to handing out candy.

Eat it up:

1. If you would like to be simplistic about it, simply reach into the simple metal bowl filled with the most simple candy (like raisins), and simply grab a handful, and simply drop it into the treaters bags. It's pretty simple.

2. Or you can go the complicated way by creating a scavenger hunt by hiding the candy in various areas of your yard and creating a map for the kiddies (or creepy adults or moody teenagers). You don't even need to sit out there! Just leave a map on the front porch and a sign that says "STAY THE HECK AWAY FROM THE DOORBELL, AND FIND IT YOURSELF." You meddling kids...

3. Or you can go the extremely complicated way and leave a map for the kids to find candy. And leave no candy out. It's satisfying in many ways: No pestering children (or pedo. adults or gothic teenagers) to ring your doorbell, you save money, and it's a heck of a lot of fun to watch them searching for it. Those little rascals (goths and pedos) will never know what hit them!

Oh geez, I hear them coming...SAVE ME!

4. Always keep a bowl of spiders on hand. Just in case Emily Rose shows up and she's hungry. You should really keep this handy if you want to spare your face.

5. You can be mean about it. Hey, handing out candy gets tiring. If you feel like your done for the night, and you can't  a take the multitude of annoying children and adolescent teens and eerie adults anymore then just throw it at them. 

"Trick or Tre-"

"Oh would you all just SHUT UP. Here's your cavity creating sweets you filthy animals." *Throws candy at their faces*

6. Scare the hell out of 'em. If you really want to have fun, hide behind a bush or under your porch, and as they're walking by scream and jump out (wearing a mask adds to their fright), grab their candy bags and run away (still screaming). Don't give the bag back.

7. Keep your eyes peeled... You never know, someone may try to sneak into your house as you're handing out candy to their little friends. It's a good idea to have a friend of yours dress up as Voldemort and hide behind you, so if one does sneak in he'll be caught and never forget it. 

Voldemort Voldemort ooo Voldy Voldemort, Voldemort! 

8. Give hugs instead. Instead of candy, give hugs. Saves money and freaks people out at the same time! A win-win situation!

"Trick or tre- whoa hey, what are ya doing?"

"Come 'ere! I've got a hug for you!"

"Mommmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!" *Runs far far away*

"Ok bye...." *Turns sadly away...*

I'll stop at 8. The number of completeness. And this list, it's pretty complete. Good luck with the treaters tonight. 

So this blog....hated it, loved it?

Either way, there's someone watching you from behind.

Just kidding! Mwahahaaa! Happy Halloween!

What is that mysterious ticking noise....

Oh man, they're coming....time to dust off that Voldemort costume.

Signing out of this blog like yeah.

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out

PS: HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART ONE COMING OUT NOVEMBER 19TH!!!! You can bet your bottomly dollar that I'm going to the midnight premier!

That's all. Later yo.

OH wait, just kidding.

I finished The Princess Bride! It was so amazingly swunderful and I love it with my whole heart!

Fo reals now, peace out my homies!!! 

Releasing Your Inner Super Hero and Eating Peanut Butter Cookies

Ka-PoWw!...Are you a super hero?

"Uhhhh- no.... Who are you? And why are you asking me such a random question....Please, don't steal my peanut butter cookies..." *Slips peanut butter cookie into mouth and munches slowly*

AHA! That's a trick question....

Everyone is!

"WHAT?! But my head was just dunked into a toilet today.....I'm no super hero."

Okay then, everyone except you!

See we all have this inner super hero...I swear we do.  Especially myself, and except that nerd above.

Now, you all know that I am one, but I'm discovering powers I never even knew I had before....

For example, today I kicked some major butt.  And saved some lives while I was at it, too.

I volunteer in this library at my school during my FREE period.  Yeah, just saying that it's my FREE period... A period where I can slack off and do nothing, but I choose the alternative. (Live above the influence!) I SACRIFICE....just saying...Hey! Super heroes make sacrifices....BAM! There's a bit of my inner hero....oh, and there's more.  Of course there is more...

As I was saying, at this library I catalog books.

"Vou are such a loser! Vat's vat vou do in your spare time?! Come 'ere, I vanna dunk your head in thees toilet..."

*Sweat sweat, Panic* "Please, wait!! Back off...I-I...I have a weapon!!!!!" *Points Mega Zappster 3.1 at Olga the Bully*

"Vhoa, Bubbushca...cheellz out....zaight zaight. I gotcha, eet's cool, eet's c-cool."

"Yeah." *Lowers beastly weapon down* "That's what I THOUGHT!"

*Olga runs away, when she's (or he, it was kinda hard to distinguish) out of sight, I point Mega Zappster 3.1 at book barcode*

Beep!

All in a day's work... 

YEAH, THAT'S AFFIRMATIVE! I have a beastly book scanner, and let me tell you, I kick some major book binding butt  with it (alliteration baby...).

Then I do all this MAGICAL stuff like organizing the books I zap with my zapster.  Oh yeah. Be jealous of the zapster.  It's even better than those lame grocery zapsters (those are Mega Zapster 2.1s...not nearly as cool as the 3.1)

With it I'm unstoppable.... that is until I get an emergency call....*Dramatic fade to school scene*

BRINNNNNNGGGG!

*GASP* "There's trouble down the hall in the auditorium where my next class is! If only I had an extension cord...."*sigh*

I shoot down the hall and scan the horizon. Hmm...there seems to be no monster in our midst.  What could the problem possibly be?

"Help...please, someone help...."

A cry for help! Coming from the auditorium!

I glide past civilians and push open the doors. The cry becomes louder- like a pigeon with a broken wing, or a hippo with a cavity- the cry is pathetic and hopeless.

"Help...I need help, please. Anybody?"  

I look around the area....ooooo my teacher is selling chocolate bars this class! I'll take one!!

"I FREAKIN' SAID HELP!"

Goodness....someone's panties are in a bunch now, aren't they?

"I need a pencil....please, anybody...."

Ugh. Really. That's your problem....so now I have to give up my pencil, for you? I don't even know you. What if you're a nose-picker, huh? Let me contemplate this.

"I need a pencil for this test! Please, guys just check if you have one. I really need one."

Oh geez. Don't look over here at me...don't ask me.....I'm not giving up my favorite mechanical pencil!!! NEVER!

"Please...I need one..."

The tension is building and I...I am slowly breaking. "I have a pencil." I finally speak out heroically.

"Really? Thanks! You're a life saver."

Yeah. I know I am. Because I'm a super hero. "Yep. No problem...." Dude, it's such a problem you have no idea. That's my favorite pencil, you better take care of it.

35 minutes later....

"Here, thanks for the pencil!"

Anytime, helpless little student.... "You're welcome." OMGSH YOU RIPPED PART OF THE GRIP TO MY PENCIL OFF. That's the last time you are ever going to see that pencil again...mark my words, punk.

BRIIIIIINNNNNGGG! Another emergency call.

So long Pencil Destructoider. We will meet again....

 

and when we do, bring your own pencil.

I mean seriously, how painful is that to accomplish? Not very, no, not at all.

I fly out, then up and up where I encounter a deep, and dark cave.....

named Economics.

The Cave of Economics.  It sounds scary, but on the contrary 'tis not, fearful internet surfer. Within the cave, there is a lonely, lonely man who sits on a stool and plays the fiddle.

Okay, maybe he doesn't play the fiddle, but he'd be 50 million times cooler if he did.

Instead, he's just a lonely man who sits on a stool and does the bare minimum of teaching! Oh, and in his spare time he plays with his Smart Board. Such a lonely man. Or just a very bored man...maybe if he actually TAUGHT then he wouldn't be bored....

but, YAY! We love not learning, don't we? Especially when we watch youtube videos instead!

Shhhh....gotta keep it on the hush-hush, we don't want The Titan Thumb finding out....aka the head honcho, aka our principalito!

"Morning class. So today we'll be talking about economics. and the economy. and economics...."

10 minutes into going absolutely nowhere.

"Anyone have some videos to youtube?"

Ooooo! That one! That one about the person who does that ridiculous thing they shouldn't have even thought of trying to do and ends up getting hurt, but it's so hysterical it just needed to posted for the whole world to see!

Or that one about.....*gasp!* There's a figure standing outside our door....the shadow fills the rectangular window, blocking out the natural florescent lighting from entering the classroom.

There's no mistaking the thumby shape.....

THE TITAN THUMB!!!

"Ummm...guys...." I try to warn the oblivious students and fiddle playing teacher. The doorknob begins to turn.... "NOOOOOO!!!!" I yell with all my might, leap from my seat, and rip out my giant pair of nail clippers.

I swing them around wildly in the view of the beast behind the door, and I can sense his hesistation as the doorknob flips back into place.  His shadow lessens as he backs away.  Soon he is out of sight.... I turn to my class, at first everyone is gaping with shock, but when they realize what has just happened, I am greeted with relentless cheers.

"Enough my peers. 'Twas only a cowardous beast. We shall no longer live in fear. As long as I'm around that is."

"Will you sign my nail clippers?!" A scream reaches my ears as I try to hold off the joyous crowd.

"Ew, no way, freak."  

The crowd becomes too much for me...I make an escape out the window and soar away as the class waves enthusiatically from within.

*Fades away from school scene*

That was me releasing my inner super hero. We all can with a bit of trust and pixie dust! So no matter who you are, relinquish your super hero, and set it loose upon your school to save it from complete disaster!!!

Thoughts on this blog? Maybe you hated it because you're a super villain. In that case- stay for some tea and we can chat about your broken childhood and how your parents never baked you those chocolate chip oatmeal cookies so now you've grown to be this detestable human being  reeking disaster everywhere.

Just Kidding.

OUT NOW YOU FIEND OR I WILL ZAP YOU WITH THIS PRETTY CHILL ZAPSTER.

Maybe you loved this blog because I taught you how to release your inner super hero.  

Actually...I just talked about it....never really "taught" you....just like my fiddle playing teach!

Well here: Don't think- just be the hero you are. Where ever you are, what ever you're doing- be the hero.

*Sniff* So touching....EAT THE PEANUT BUTTER COOKIE!

*Slips cookie slowly into mouth and munches suspiciously...*

Fo reals. Just take the cookie given to you and eat it. And if you're going to eat it, eat it with confidence. That's right you! Fix yo' posture.

Aight, my homies. I'll be back.....

KAPOW! BLAM! WHAM! ZAPPP! ZINGG! 

Beep!

Signing out of this blog like yeah-

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.
 

Another Butter Blog

William Goldman- You are one of my favorite people.

And I haven't even finished his book The Princess Bride yet! But the process is going swimmingly. (Awkward word- 20 points)

I read page 203, and I was elated!! (Awesome word- 10 points)

Why?

Buttercup was booed! One BIG FAT metaphorical boo, too! (Rhyming words unintentionally- 45 points)

Ah- but alas! (Adventurous word- 15 points) 'Twas only a dream....that part disappointed me....but it added to the metaphoricalness (New word- 10 points)

At the same time, I was kind of happy it was only a dream.

"But you hate Buttercup! You always make up stupid nicknames for her that no one finds funny except yourself! You make NO SENSE. I HATE THIS BLOG! ARGGGG!!!!" *Throws compy*

*Skillfully dodges computer*

"Whoa! Watch it there! I'm going to make a point, if ya don't mind..."

Well, The Princess Bride is a 'classic tale of true love and high adventure' and I'm hoping that Butter Face will realize that she desperately needs to change her hoity toity, stuck up nose, go-fetch-me-some-turkish-delight-slave attitude to keep the 'true' part of 'true love' there.

In other words- I'm hoping for another character change.

Goodness! She's your regular Jekyle and Hyde now isn't she?!

Buttercup: Wheres is it?! Wheres has we placed it?! *Searches franticly around room*

Prince Humperdinck: Oh, I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Butter! I have a treat for you.... *Holds delicate bottle by the tips of his fingers*

Buttercup: What? Oh yes yes! Gives it to us, Master!! Gives it to us!!! 

Prince Humperdinck: Go fetch. *Throws across floor, then glides out of room*

Buttercup: IT'S MINE!!! Yes yes yes.....*strokes bottle shakily and takes a sip*

That was disturbing....let's not have that happen again....

I KNEW IT!

I knew I recognized Butter Face from somewhere!

She obviously played Gollum in Lord of the Rings.

Back to the novel.

So Buttercup is booed in this dream of hers.  The person who booed her is...me. No, but oh boy, do I wish. If I was there I would've. You know it, too. 

Unfortunately, it is not me, the awesome person who blogs. It is this old woman who basically says Butter Face gave up on true love when she had it her hands the whole time.

Dang straight she did.

*Looks across room preparing to go on to the most infuriating part in the novel. Takes a few breaths...*

Buttercup is just full of surprises.  She replies to the old woman: "I gave my word to the prince."

Alright Butter Beer, tell me what's more important: your heart or your word?

"Oh, Gwen, isn't it obvious? Your heart." Buttercup responds stupidly.

WHAT A TWIT FACE!!! Yes, of course it's your heart, and you gave your shrivled up heart to Westley! Not to Prince Barbarian! Poor, poor Westley. It's not fair for Westley! And why is Butterface so heartless and cruel?! WHAT THE HECK?

Then Goldman interrupts the story with some commentary.

And I suddenly calm down....

"You? Calm? Please, you are like so not-"

"SHUT UP, I WAS CALM!"

Like I was saying, I suddenly became...calm.

He says somewhere in his long-ish spiel (Stolen Word (read page 208)- 75 points) this:

"This book says 'life isn't fair' and I'm telling you, one and all, you better believe it."

It isn't! And I'm old enough to know it's not, but to read it...to see it there in front of my eyes, made me realize on a whole new level that LIFE ISN'T FAIR DARN IT.

That gave me some reasoning as to why Buttercup is being so cold toward Westley. Why Westley had to be left behind there, only to soon be tortured.

Goldman is trying to make a point; he even said it right there in his commentary.

Maybe he didn't intend to show that life isn't fair through the whole Westley/Buttercup disaster, but it sure played a role in proving that statement.

Life isn't fair. But I think when things are absolutely meant to be, they do happen...which leads to my prediction.

Prediction (as MUCH as this is going to KILL me): Westley and Buttercup end up together.

"But you hate her! You don't make any sense...." *Holds head confusedly*

I feel a strange sense of redundancy here....hmm.

"I know I don't make any sense. But when I remember how perfect they were together in the beginning of the novel...I just can't help myself...plus you know it's going to happen, I mean let's be realistic."

Hopefully by the time that rolls around I'll actually like her again. For now, she's still Butt Face.

Oh, and I did get to the part where she begs Prince Humperdinck to let her go be with Westley.

Sudden change of heart, eh Butter Biscuit? I bet it was all those scawy drweams you was having, huh? Twoo many people hating you in your drweams for dwumping Wes Wes?

She couldn't handle the hatred!!!! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

Well..she can't.  

You made your royal bed, Butter Face- now lay in it! 

Goldman better make her likable again. Or else I will pull a Silver Tongue (Google it), find her, release my pet R.O.U.S. named Rufus upon her, find Westley, and marry him.

Google: Rufus the naked mole rat. 

Call me, beep me, if ya wanna reach me!

But yes, William Goldman is one of my favorite people. I love the book so far, I love his 'commentaries,' and his insight on life that he incorporates into the novel. Heck, I'll even say it: He's totally awesome!

I hope he doesn't mind that I hate Buttercup. I hope he understands why I don't like her....

Hate scale: Hate Very Much

Hmm...it's simmered (Awkward word- 20 points) down a bit....

Anyway, those are my thoughts on Buttercup. Another Butter Blog. Maybe you love this blog, maybe you hate it- or maybe you just love me =) *Blushes* 

I hate to break it to you...but there's just no easy way to say this...It's me, not you...the feeling is just not mutual....

Just kidding!

The feeling is so mutual that Facebook wants me to friend request you.

But I won't because I learned to not affiliate myself with strangers.

Score: 195 points

Signing out of this blog like yeah-

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.

Butter Face, It's High Time You Get Over Yourself.

Mocking. It's what I do, it's who I be- B-L-A-C-K-E-Y-E-D-P-E-A-S. 

....It's part of a song....

Alright, just forget it.

SO! I'm here to inform you that I am reading The Princess Bride by William Goldman.

"I don't give a flying crap that you're reading! What a stupid blog! ARRRRGG!" *Throws new computer that they bought due to the first one being damaged for similar reasons out the window*

Yeah...You're going to have to stop doing that, those things cost quite a bit...

I'm here to give a review of Buttercup's character. I warn people who are reading this and didn't throw their compy out, that if you like Buttercup's character then...... please stay =) 

*Lights suddenly go out, lightning strikes, illuminating my very creepy shadow against nearest wall* 

MWAHAHAHA!!!!

*Resume normalcy*

Right, here goes something or nothing depending on who's actually going to read this. 

Please, read this...it'll make me feel a little less unloved... Oh SNAP! It's been two hours. If you'll excuse me for a moment, please.

*Goes to mirror and stares at reflection.* "You are beautiful. You are smart. You are successful. You are beautiful. You are smart. You are successful...." *Tears brim in eyes* "I-I can't go on...I think the psychiatrist will understand that I have to cut it short for today..." 

Buttercup starts out in the beginning of the novel as the lovable tomboy.  She's cool and rides a horse named Horse.  All cool people ride horses. And write blogs.

She has a whole bunch of these guys after her, but she doesn't pay much mind to them, because she's independent.  She does her own thing- works on the farm; chills with her horse, Horse; ignores the annoying catty girls of the village; blogs; etc.

Here's one of my favorite lines (and there are many!): "Oh, the boys!" Buttercup fairly exploded. "I do not care about 'the boys.' Horse loves me and that is quite sufficient, thank you."

I love her headstrong attitude and her down-to-earth style.  It's refreshing, and I think many would agree with me. Or maybe you all disagree. 

Maybe you prefer the superficial Buttercup who pops up in the upcoming chapters after she goes mentally insane when Westley leaves her, finds out that she is the most beautiful girl in the whole land, becomes the soon-to-be Queen, goes even more mentally insane when Westley returns, stops blogging (which disappointed me the most),and etc. etc.

But I'm not at that point yet.

Buttercup seems like the down-to-earth girl everybody likes, with a few flaws that every girl can relate to. 

"I'm sorry, but I don't relate to her issues at all. I'm perfect and everyone adores me. I have no issues. Because I'm perfect and everyone adores me."

"Alright then WHATEVER. MAYBE YOU DON'T RELATE TO HER AT ALL. GEEZ." You people really need to stop interrupting me.

"Hey, Gwen!"

"WHAT NOW?"

"Knock, Knock!"

"Oooo, I love knock, knock jokes! Who's there!"

"Interrupting cow!"

"Interrupting co-"

"MOO!!"

......."OUT. NOW."

Just kidding. Don't leave. I love all of your lame knock, knock jokes.

Not really.

Okay, back to Butt-Face- I mean Buttercup. (I'm not suppose to call her that until later in the blog when I show you how obnoxious she truly becomes).

A little bit further into the story- Buttercup falls in love with the "ranch-hand," Westley.  She practically goes insane over him, especially when he doesn't reply to her when she goes into great detail of how much she loves him. (Oh goodness- I have to admit I loved that part. What was your favorite part? No, don't tell me. I don't really care. Just kidding. I do. Tell me!)

Here's my favorite; it's terribly long but it's also terribly necessary:

"I love you,' Buttercup said. 'I know this must come as something of a surprise to you, since all I've ever done is scorn you and degrade you and taunt you, but I have loved you for several hours now, and every second, more. I thought an hour ago that I loved you more than any woman has ever loved a man, but a half hour after that I knew that what I felt before was nothing compared to what I felt then. But ten minutes after that, I understood that my previous love was a puddle compared to the high seas before a storm. Your eyes are like that, did you know? Well they are. How many minutes ago was I? Twenty? Had I brought my feelings up to then? It doesn't matter.' Buttercup still could not look at him. The sun was rising behind her now; she could feel the heat on her back, and it gave her courage. 'I love you so much more now than twenty minutes ago that there cannot be comparison. I love you so much more now then when you opened your hovel door, there cannot be comparison. There is no room in my body for anything but you. My arms love you, my ears adore you, my knees shake with blind affection. My mind begs you to ask it something so it can obey. Do you want me to follow you for the rest of your days? I will do that. Do you want me to crawl? I will crawl. I will be quiet for you or sing for you, or if you are hungry, let me bring you food, or if you have thirst and nothing will quench it but Arabian wine, I will go to Araby, even though it is across the world, and bring a bottle back for your lunch. Anything there is that I can do for you, I will do for you; anything there is that I cannot do, I will learn to do. I know I cannot compete with the Countess in skills or wisdom or appeal, and I saw the way she looked at you. And I saw the way you looked at her. But remember, please, that she is old and has other interests, while I am seventeen and for me there is only you. Dearest Westley--I've never called you that before, have I?--Westley, Westley, Westley, Westley, Westley,--darling Westley, adored Westley, sweet perfect Westley, whisper that I have a chance to win your love.' And with that, she dared the bravest thing she'd ever done; she looked right into his eyes."  

AH, how sweet is that?! Unless you skipped the whole thing. In that case, you stink like a werewolf. (Hey! Read my blog Twilight Sucks!)

But dear Westley ignores her (boys are very skilled at that!), she becomes depressed and locks herself away. 

WOW. We go from this head-strong girl, to someone who can't see herself happy without a man- but it's love, right? And it's the only man she's ever cared for, and ever will. Right?

Until she goes to him an says that she was playing a cruel joke on him.

OMGSH IT'S A ROLLER-COSTER THAT NEVER ENDS. I'm on page 202, and it's still not over- this whole roller-coster of emotions. The drama! But we all love the drama, don't we? Yes, yes we do.

But then Westley assures her that he, too, has always loved her and blah blah blah.

All that sweet stuff that makes teenage girls, gay boys, very strange straight boys, and everyone else in between love the book.

Buttercup, naturally, takes back what she says

Right when it gets good- the love of her life LEAVES her and DIES. (If you've read the book, then you know that he didnt really die, and if you haven't read the book- sorry I just spoiled it for you, but why would you be reading this?! I know. It's because I'm awesome. *Blushes*)

Onward! <------LOVE that word.

Okay, so Buttercup has been through a lot.  Just like that bully or that snobby cheerleader in school has been through a lot, right?

Well, she goes through even MORE! Yes! We all enjoy watching the main character suffer! No, but it does keep the reader hooked! 

Anyways, Buttercup becomes the "most beautiful girl" in the whole freakin' world (Ya right. I think we all know that the most beautiful girl is Bella Swan. Hello? Haven't you heard  that not only is she gorgeous, but also her blood smells like strawberries!?), is snatched up by this disturbing Prince Humperdinck who will make her Queen, but then she is captured by a team of assassins.

Issues upon issues.... I smell a character transformation! I actually caught a wiff of it when Westley left her and croaked- it smelled pretty gross. Nothing at all like Bella's blood.

Oh but it gets better!!!! Westley saves her from the assassins! Then takes her through this horrifying swamp land to escape from Prince Humperdinck (that plan fails horribly.).  You'd think that she'd be elated that Westley comes back. That she'll love him forever and ever now that they are back together, right?

WRONG! 

But I'll get into that in a moment.

We notice a gruesome change in Buttercup's character....Westley talks to her and explains to her that she is even more beautiful than he remembered. Aw....How sweet! Let's hear what Buttercup has to say:

"Enough about my beauty. Everyone always talks about how beautiful I am. I've got a mind, Westely, talk about that."

Why hello, love! Nice to see YOU  again, too! 

What a butt face.

At this point, I despise Butter Biscuit. She no longer is that lovable, cool person.  Which is definitely understandable as to why William Goldman would do that. I mean, she can't be the same person anymore, right? She lives in a castle now, where people cater to her every need, and always tell her how beautiful she is. Does it give her a right to respond to dear, hunky-hunk, super-mega-foxy-awesome-hott Westley like that?

NO.

But she has to have some flaws.  So there ya go.  

I still don't like Butter Face though at this point.  And that feeling intensifies further into the chapter....

Onward!

Westley, like the true gentleman he is, ignores her snappy attitude, and doesn't decide to leave her for the scary creatures to devour.  They move through the fire swamp, and Westley saves her from the highly dangerous Snow Sand and the terrifying R.O.U.S.

So heroic! *Swoons as little hearts form in eyes*

They finally make it out of the swamp when *gasp!* Prince Freaky is there to greet them!

The Prince commands them to surrender, but Westley holds Butter-Butt-Face's hand and replies "Death first!"

Wow. Who doesn't love Westley by now?

Oh that's right, Miss Butter Brain doesn't. She decides to surrender for Westley.

Hate Scale (from dislike to hate very much): DESPISE.

Get a load of this:

"The truth," said Westley, "is that you would rather live with your Prince than die with your love."

"I would rather live than die, I admit it." (BUTT FACE)

"We were talking of love, madam."

"I can live without love." (BUTT FACE)

YES, SHE CAN LIVE WITHOUT LOVE BECAUSE SHE'S A HEARTLESS JERK.

......

Sorry, about that.

But she left Westley there to soon die in the Zoo of Death (I haven't got to that part yet and yes, I know Butt Face was under the impression that the Prince would set Westley free, but how dumb can you be to not know that Prince Humperdinck would try and kill WesWes anyway?!)

Westley can find someone much better. Like me.  But I'll have to keep it a secret from Eddie Boo. (That's my vampire boyfriend. I less than three him, which is obviously meaningless like Butler Cup's "love" for Westley.)

There. I don't believe I need to go any further in explaining why I don't like Butter Biscuit (Plus, that's as far as I got in the book...)

I don't understand this complete character change, but perhaps Goldman has something up his sleeve that I don't know about. 

Like a majestic dove, or my hankie that I swore I had safely away in my purse. 

Oooo, maybe he'll make her start blogging again!

Well, that's my opinion on Butter Toast. Maybe you think differently. Or maybe you liked this blog! Or maybe you bought another computer just to finish reading this blog and then for a third time yelled,"That's how this blog ended! I hate this blog! ARGGGG!" and threw your compy out the window.

In that case- get a life.

Just kidding, don't! Because you keep giving me more views! And that makes for a happy Gwen.

Hate Scale by End of the Chapter: EXTREME DESPISEOCIDITY. (That's for Buttered Roll, not the book. I love the book!)

Prediction of what will happen in novel: Westley will release a R.O.U.S. on the castle, and then come and marry me.

Signing out of this blog like yeah-

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.