Releasing Your Inner Super Hero and Eating Peanut Butter Cookies

Ka-PoWw!...Are you a super hero?

"Uhhhh- no.... Who are you? And why are you asking me such a random question....Please, don't steal my peanut butter cookies..." *Slips peanut butter cookie into mouth and munches slowly*

AHA! That's a trick question....

Everyone is!

"WHAT?! But my head was just dunked into a toilet today.....I'm no super hero."

Okay then, everyone except you!

See we all have this inner super hero...I swear we do.  Especially myself, and except that nerd above.

Now, you all know that I am one, but I'm discovering powers I never even knew I had before....

For example, today I kicked some major butt.  And saved some lives while I was at it, too.

I volunteer in this library at my school during my FREE period.  Yeah, just saying that it's my FREE period... A period where I can slack off and do nothing, but I choose the alternative. (Live above the influence!) I SACRIFICE....just saying...Hey! Super heroes make sacrifices....BAM! There's a bit of my inner hero....oh, and there's more.  Of course there is more...

As I was saying, at this library I catalog books.

"Vou are such a loser! Vat's vat vou do in your spare time?! Come 'ere, I vanna dunk your head in thees toilet..."

*Sweat sweat, Panic* "Please, wait!! Back off...I-I...I have a weapon!!!!!" *Points Mega Zappster 3.1 at Olga the Bully*

"Vhoa, Bubbushca...cheellz out....zaight zaight. I gotcha, eet's cool, eet's c-cool."

"Yeah." *Lowers beastly weapon down* "That's what I THOUGHT!"

*Olga runs away, when she's (or he, it was kinda hard to distinguish) out of sight, I point Mega Zappster 3.1 at book barcode*

Beep!

All in a day's work... 

YEAH, THAT'S AFFIRMATIVE! I have a beastly book scanner, and let me tell you, I kick some major book binding butt  with it (alliteration baby...).

Then I do all this MAGICAL stuff like organizing the books I zap with my zapster.  Oh yeah. Be jealous of the zapster.  It's even better than those lame grocery zapsters (those are Mega Zapster 2.1s...not nearly as cool as the 3.1)

With it I'm unstoppable.... that is until I get an emergency call....*Dramatic fade to school scene*

BRINNNNNNGGGG!

*GASP* "There's trouble down the hall in the auditorium where my next class is! If only I had an extension cord...."*sigh*

I shoot down the hall and scan the horizon. Hmm...there seems to be no monster in our midst.  What could the problem possibly be?

"Help...please, someone help...."

A cry for help! Coming from the auditorium!

I glide past civilians and push open the doors. The cry becomes louder- like a pigeon with a broken wing, or a hippo with a cavity- the cry is pathetic and hopeless.

"Help...I need help, please. Anybody?"  

I look around the area....ooooo my teacher is selling chocolate bars this class! I'll take one!!

"I FREAKIN' SAID HELP!"

Goodness....someone's panties are in a bunch now, aren't they?

"I need a pencil....please, anybody...."

Ugh. Really. That's your problem....so now I have to give up my pencil, for you? I don't even know you. What if you're a nose-picker, huh? Let me contemplate this.

"I need a pencil for this test! Please, guys just check if you have one. I really need one."

Oh geez. Don't look over here at me...don't ask me.....I'm not giving up my favorite mechanical pencil!!! NEVER!

"Please...I need one..."

The tension is building and I...I am slowly breaking. "I have a pencil." I finally speak out heroically.

"Really? Thanks! You're a life saver."

Yeah. I know I am. Because I'm a super hero. "Yep. No problem...." Dude, it's such a problem you have no idea. That's my favorite pencil, you better take care of it.

35 minutes later....

"Here, thanks for the pencil!"

Anytime, helpless little student.... "You're welcome." OMGSH YOU RIPPED PART OF THE GRIP TO MY PENCIL OFF. That's the last time you are ever going to see that pencil again...mark my words, punk.

BRIIIIIINNNNNGGG! Another emergency call.

So long Pencil Destructoider. We will meet again....

 

and when we do, bring your own pencil.

I mean seriously, how painful is that to accomplish? Not very, no, not at all.

I fly out, then up and up where I encounter a deep, and dark cave.....

named Economics.

The Cave of Economics.  It sounds scary, but on the contrary 'tis not, fearful internet surfer. Within the cave, there is a lonely, lonely man who sits on a stool and plays the fiddle.

Okay, maybe he doesn't play the fiddle, but he'd be 50 million times cooler if he did.

Instead, he's just a lonely man who sits on a stool and does the bare minimum of teaching! Oh, and in his spare time he plays with his Smart Board. Such a lonely man. Or just a very bored man...maybe if he actually TAUGHT then he wouldn't be bored....

but, YAY! We love not learning, don't we? Especially when we watch youtube videos instead!

Shhhh....gotta keep it on the hush-hush, we don't want The Titan Thumb finding out....aka the head honcho, aka our principalito!

"Morning class. So today we'll be talking about economics. and the economy. and economics...."

10 minutes into going absolutely nowhere.

"Anyone have some videos to youtube?"

Ooooo! That one! That one about the person who does that ridiculous thing they shouldn't have even thought of trying to do and ends up getting hurt, but it's so hysterical it just needed to posted for the whole world to see!

Or that one about.....*gasp!* There's a figure standing outside our door....the shadow fills the rectangular window, blocking out the natural florescent lighting from entering the classroom.

There's no mistaking the thumby shape.....

THE TITAN THUMB!!!

"Ummm...guys...." I try to warn the oblivious students and fiddle playing teacher. The doorknob begins to turn.... "NOOOOOO!!!!" I yell with all my might, leap from my seat, and rip out my giant pair of nail clippers.

I swing them around wildly in the view of the beast behind the door, and I can sense his hesistation as the doorknob flips back into place.  His shadow lessens as he backs away.  Soon he is out of sight.... I turn to my class, at first everyone is gaping with shock, but when they realize what has just happened, I am greeted with relentless cheers.

"Enough my peers. 'Twas only a cowardous beast. We shall no longer live in fear. As long as I'm around that is."

"Will you sign my nail clippers?!" A scream reaches my ears as I try to hold off the joyous crowd.

"Ew, no way, freak."  

The crowd becomes too much for me...I make an escape out the window and soar away as the class waves enthusiatically from within.

*Fades away from school scene*

That was me releasing my inner super hero. We all can with a bit of trust and pixie dust! So no matter who you are, relinquish your super hero, and set it loose upon your school to save it from complete disaster!!!

Thoughts on this blog? Maybe you hated it because you're a super villain. In that case- stay for some tea and we can chat about your broken childhood and how your parents never baked you those chocolate chip oatmeal cookies so now you've grown to be this detestable human being  reeking disaster everywhere.

Just Kidding.

OUT NOW YOU FIEND OR I WILL ZAP YOU WITH THIS PRETTY CHILL ZAPSTER.

Maybe you loved this blog because I taught you how to release your inner super hero.  

Actually...I just talked about it....never really "taught" you....just like my fiddle playing teach!

Well here: Don't think- just be the hero you are. Where ever you are, what ever you're doing- be the hero.

*Sniff* So touching....EAT THE PEANUT BUTTER COOKIE!

*Slips cookie slowly into mouth and munches suspiciously...*

Fo reals. Just take the cookie given to you and eat it. And if you're going to eat it, eat it with confidence. That's right you! Fix yo' posture.

Aight, my homies. I'll be back.....

KAPOW! BLAM! WHAM! ZAPPP! ZINGG! 

Beep!

Signing out of this blog like yeah-

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.
 

Another Butter Blog

William Goldman- You are one of my favorite people.

And I haven't even finished his book The Princess Bride yet! But the process is going swimmingly. (Awkward word- 20 points)

I read page 203, and I was elated!! (Awesome word- 10 points)

Why?

Buttercup was booed! One BIG FAT metaphorical boo, too! (Rhyming words unintentionally- 45 points)

Ah- but alas! (Adventurous word- 15 points) 'Twas only a dream....that part disappointed me....but it added to the metaphoricalness (New word- 10 points)

At the same time, I was kind of happy it was only a dream.

"But you hate Buttercup! You always make up stupid nicknames for her that no one finds funny except yourself! You make NO SENSE. I HATE THIS BLOG! ARGGGG!!!!" *Throws compy*

*Skillfully dodges computer*

"Whoa! Watch it there! I'm going to make a point, if ya don't mind..."

Well, The Princess Bride is a 'classic tale of true love and high adventure' and I'm hoping that Butter Face will realize that she desperately needs to change her hoity toity, stuck up nose, go-fetch-me-some-turkish-delight-slave attitude to keep the 'true' part of 'true love' there.

In other words- I'm hoping for another character change.

Goodness! She's your regular Jekyle and Hyde now isn't she?!

Buttercup: Wheres is it?! Wheres has we placed it?! *Searches franticly around room*

Prince Humperdinck: Oh, I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Butter! I have a treat for you.... *Holds delicate bottle by the tips of his fingers*

Buttercup: What? Oh yes yes! Gives it to us, Master!! Gives it to us!!! 

Prince Humperdinck: Go fetch. *Throws across floor, then glides out of room*

Buttercup: IT'S MINE!!! Yes yes yes.....*strokes bottle shakily and takes a sip*

That was disturbing....let's not have that happen again....

I KNEW IT!

I knew I recognized Butter Face from somewhere!

She obviously played Gollum in Lord of the Rings.

Back to the novel.

So Buttercup is booed in this dream of hers.  The person who booed her is...me. No, but oh boy, do I wish. If I was there I would've. You know it, too. 

Unfortunately, it is not me, the awesome person who blogs. It is this old woman who basically says Butter Face gave up on true love when she had it her hands the whole time.

Dang straight she did.

*Looks across room preparing to go on to the most infuriating part in the novel. Takes a few breaths...*

Buttercup is just full of surprises.  She replies to the old woman: "I gave my word to the prince."

Alright Butter Beer, tell me what's more important: your heart or your word?

"Oh, Gwen, isn't it obvious? Your heart." Buttercup responds stupidly.

WHAT A TWIT FACE!!! Yes, of course it's your heart, and you gave your shrivled up heart to Westley! Not to Prince Barbarian! Poor, poor Westley. It's not fair for Westley! And why is Butterface so heartless and cruel?! WHAT THE HECK?

Then Goldman interrupts the story with some commentary.

And I suddenly calm down....

"You? Calm? Please, you are like so not-"

"SHUT UP, I WAS CALM!"

Like I was saying, I suddenly became...calm.

He says somewhere in his long-ish spiel (Stolen Word (read page 208)- 75 points) this:

"This book says 'life isn't fair' and I'm telling you, one and all, you better believe it."

It isn't! And I'm old enough to know it's not, but to read it...to see it there in front of my eyes, made me realize on a whole new level that LIFE ISN'T FAIR DARN IT.

That gave me some reasoning as to why Buttercup is being so cold toward Westley. Why Westley had to be left behind there, only to soon be tortured.

Goldman is trying to make a point; he even said it right there in his commentary.

Maybe he didn't intend to show that life isn't fair through the whole Westley/Buttercup disaster, but it sure played a role in proving that statement.

Life isn't fair. But I think when things are absolutely meant to be, they do happen...which leads to my prediction.

Prediction (as MUCH as this is going to KILL me): Westley and Buttercup end up together.

"But you hate her! You don't make any sense...." *Holds head confusedly*

I feel a strange sense of redundancy here....hmm.

"I know I don't make any sense. But when I remember how perfect they were together in the beginning of the novel...I just can't help myself...plus you know it's going to happen, I mean let's be realistic."

Hopefully by the time that rolls around I'll actually like her again. For now, she's still Butt Face.

Oh, and I did get to the part where she begs Prince Humperdinck to let her go be with Westley.

Sudden change of heart, eh Butter Biscuit? I bet it was all those scawy drweams you was having, huh? Twoo many people hating you in your drweams for dwumping Wes Wes?

She couldn't handle the hatred!!!! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

Well..she can't.  

You made your royal bed, Butter Face- now lay in it! 

Goldman better make her likable again. Or else I will pull a Silver Tongue (Google it), find her, release my pet R.O.U.S. named Rufus upon her, find Westley, and marry him.

Google: Rufus the naked mole rat. 

Call me, beep me, if ya wanna reach me!

But yes, William Goldman is one of my favorite people. I love the book so far, I love his 'commentaries,' and his insight on life that he incorporates into the novel. Heck, I'll even say it: He's totally awesome!

I hope he doesn't mind that I hate Buttercup. I hope he understands why I don't like her....

Hate scale: Hate Very Much

Hmm...it's simmered (Awkward word- 20 points) down a bit....

Anyway, those are my thoughts on Buttercup. Another Butter Blog. Maybe you love this blog, maybe you hate it- or maybe you just love me =) *Blushes* 

I hate to break it to you...but there's just no easy way to say this...It's me, not you...the feeling is just not mutual....

Just kidding!

The feeling is so mutual that Facebook wants me to friend request you.

But I won't because I learned to not affiliate myself with strangers.

Score: 195 points

Signing out of this blog like yeah-

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.

Butter Face, It's High Time You Get Over Yourself.

Mocking. It's what I do, it's who I be- B-L-A-C-K-E-Y-E-D-P-E-A-S. 

....It's part of a song....

Alright, just forget it.

SO! I'm here to inform you that I am reading The Princess Bride by William Goldman.

"I don't give a flying crap that you're reading! What a stupid blog! ARRRRGG!" *Throws new computer that they bought due to the first one being damaged for similar reasons out the window*

Yeah...You're going to have to stop doing that, those things cost quite a bit...

I'm here to give a review of Buttercup's character. I warn people who are reading this and didn't throw their compy out, that if you like Buttercup's character then...... please stay =) 

*Lights suddenly go out, lightning strikes, illuminating my very creepy shadow against nearest wall* 

MWAHAHAHA!!!!

*Resume normalcy*

Right, here goes something or nothing depending on who's actually going to read this. 

Please, read this...it'll make me feel a little less unloved... Oh SNAP! It's been two hours. If you'll excuse me for a moment, please.

*Goes to mirror and stares at reflection.* "You are beautiful. You are smart. You are successful. You are beautiful. You are smart. You are successful...." *Tears brim in eyes* "I-I can't go on...I think the psychiatrist will understand that I have to cut it short for today..." 

Buttercup starts out in the beginning of the novel as the lovable tomboy.  She's cool and rides a horse named Horse.  All cool people ride horses. And write blogs.

She has a whole bunch of these guys after her, but she doesn't pay much mind to them, because she's independent.  She does her own thing- works on the farm; chills with her horse, Horse; ignores the annoying catty girls of the village; blogs; etc.

Here's one of my favorite lines (and there are many!): "Oh, the boys!" Buttercup fairly exploded. "I do not care about 'the boys.' Horse loves me and that is quite sufficient, thank you."

I love her headstrong attitude and her down-to-earth style.  It's refreshing, and I think many would agree with me. Or maybe you all disagree. 

Maybe you prefer the superficial Buttercup who pops up in the upcoming chapters after she goes mentally insane when Westley leaves her, finds out that she is the most beautiful girl in the whole land, becomes the soon-to-be Queen, goes even more mentally insane when Westley returns, stops blogging (which disappointed me the most),and etc. etc.

But I'm not at that point yet.

Buttercup seems like the down-to-earth girl everybody likes, with a few flaws that every girl can relate to. 

"I'm sorry, but I don't relate to her issues at all. I'm perfect and everyone adores me. I have no issues. Because I'm perfect and everyone adores me."

"Alright then WHATEVER. MAYBE YOU DON'T RELATE TO HER AT ALL. GEEZ." You people really need to stop interrupting me.

"Hey, Gwen!"

"WHAT NOW?"

"Knock, Knock!"

"Oooo, I love knock, knock jokes! Who's there!"

"Interrupting cow!"

"Interrupting co-"

"MOO!!"

......."OUT. NOW."

Just kidding. Don't leave. I love all of your lame knock, knock jokes.

Not really.

Okay, back to Butt-Face- I mean Buttercup. (I'm not suppose to call her that until later in the blog when I show you how obnoxious she truly becomes).

A little bit further into the story- Buttercup falls in love with the "ranch-hand," Westley.  She practically goes insane over him, especially when he doesn't reply to her when she goes into great detail of how much she loves him. (Oh goodness- I have to admit I loved that part. What was your favorite part? No, don't tell me. I don't really care. Just kidding. I do. Tell me!)

Here's my favorite; it's terribly long but it's also terribly necessary:

"I love you,' Buttercup said. 'I know this must come as something of a surprise to you, since all I've ever done is scorn you and degrade you and taunt you, but I have loved you for several hours now, and every second, more. I thought an hour ago that I loved you more than any woman has ever loved a man, but a half hour after that I knew that what I felt before was nothing compared to what I felt then. But ten minutes after that, I understood that my previous love was a puddle compared to the high seas before a storm. Your eyes are like that, did you know? Well they are. How many minutes ago was I? Twenty? Had I brought my feelings up to then? It doesn't matter.' Buttercup still could not look at him. The sun was rising behind her now; she could feel the heat on her back, and it gave her courage. 'I love you so much more now than twenty minutes ago that there cannot be comparison. I love you so much more now then when you opened your hovel door, there cannot be comparison. There is no room in my body for anything but you. My arms love you, my ears adore you, my knees shake with blind affection. My mind begs you to ask it something so it can obey. Do you want me to follow you for the rest of your days? I will do that. Do you want me to crawl? I will crawl. I will be quiet for you or sing for you, or if you are hungry, let me bring you food, or if you have thirst and nothing will quench it but Arabian wine, I will go to Araby, even though it is across the world, and bring a bottle back for your lunch. Anything there is that I can do for you, I will do for you; anything there is that I cannot do, I will learn to do. I know I cannot compete with the Countess in skills or wisdom or appeal, and I saw the way she looked at you. And I saw the way you looked at her. But remember, please, that she is old and has other interests, while I am seventeen and for me there is only you. Dearest Westley--I've never called you that before, have I?--Westley, Westley, Westley, Westley, Westley,--darling Westley, adored Westley, sweet perfect Westley, whisper that I have a chance to win your love.' And with that, she dared the bravest thing she'd ever done; she looked right into his eyes."  

AH, how sweet is that?! Unless you skipped the whole thing. In that case, you stink like a werewolf. (Hey! Read my blog Twilight Sucks!)

But dear Westley ignores her (boys are very skilled at that!), she becomes depressed and locks herself away. 

WOW. We go from this head-strong girl, to someone who can't see herself happy without a man- but it's love, right? And it's the only man she's ever cared for, and ever will. Right?

Until she goes to him an says that she was playing a cruel joke on him.

OMGSH IT'S A ROLLER-COSTER THAT NEVER ENDS. I'm on page 202, and it's still not over- this whole roller-coster of emotions. The drama! But we all love the drama, don't we? Yes, yes we do.

But then Westley assures her that he, too, has always loved her and blah blah blah.

All that sweet stuff that makes teenage girls, gay boys, very strange straight boys, and everyone else in between love the book.

Buttercup, naturally, takes back what she says

Right when it gets good- the love of her life LEAVES her and DIES. (If you've read the book, then you know that he didnt really die, and if you haven't read the book- sorry I just spoiled it for you, but why would you be reading this?! I know. It's because I'm awesome. *Blushes*)

Onward! <------LOVE that word.

Okay, so Buttercup has been through a lot.  Just like that bully or that snobby cheerleader in school has been through a lot, right?

Well, she goes through even MORE! Yes! We all enjoy watching the main character suffer! No, but it does keep the reader hooked! 

Anyways, Buttercup becomes the "most beautiful girl" in the whole freakin' world (Ya right. I think we all know that the most beautiful girl is Bella Swan. Hello? Haven't you heard  that not only is she gorgeous, but also her blood smells like strawberries!?), is snatched up by this disturbing Prince Humperdinck who will make her Queen, but then she is captured by a team of assassins.

Issues upon issues.... I smell a character transformation! I actually caught a wiff of it when Westley left her and croaked- it smelled pretty gross. Nothing at all like Bella's blood.

Oh but it gets better!!!! Westley saves her from the assassins! Then takes her through this horrifying swamp land to escape from Prince Humperdinck (that plan fails horribly.).  You'd think that she'd be elated that Westley comes back. That she'll love him forever and ever now that they are back together, right?

WRONG! 

But I'll get into that in a moment.

We notice a gruesome change in Buttercup's character....Westley talks to her and explains to her that she is even more beautiful than he remembered. Aw....How sweet! Let's hear what Buttercup has to say:

"Enough about my beauty. Everyone always talks about how beautiful I am. I've got a mind, Westely, talk about that."

Why hello, love! Nice to see YOU  again, too! 

What a butt face.

At this point, I despise Butter Biscuit. She no longer is that lovable, cool person.  Which is definitely understandable as to why William Goldman would do that. I mean, she can't be the same person anymore, right? She lives in a castle now, where people cater to her every need, and always tell her how beautiful she is. Does it give her a right to respond to dear, hunky-hunk, super-mega-foxy-awesome-hott Westley like that?

NO.

But she has to have some flaws.  So there ya go.  

I still don't like Butter Face though at this point.  And that feeling intensifies further into the chapter....

Onward!

Westley, like the true gentleman he is, ignores her snappy attitude, and doesn't decide to leave her for the scary creatures to devour.  They move through the fire swamp, and Westley saves her from the highly dangerous Snow Sand and the terrifying R.O.U.S.

So heroic! *Swoons as little hearts form in eyes*

They finally make it out of the swamp when *gasp!* Prince Freaky is there to greet them!

The Prince commands them to surrender, but Westley holds Butter-Butt-Face's hand and replies "Death first!"

Wow. Who doesn't love Westley by now?

Oh that's right, Miss Butter Brain doesn't. She decides to surrender for Westley.

Hate Scale (from dislike to hate very much): DESPISE.

Get a load of this:

"The truth," said Westley, "is that you would rather live with your Prince than die with your love."

"I would rather live than die, I admit it." (BUTT FACE)

"We were talking of love, madam."

"I can live without love." (BUTT FACE)

YES, SHE CAN LIVE WITHOUT LOVE BECAUSE SHE'S A HEARTLESS JERK.

......

Sorry, about that.

But she left Westley there to soon die in the Zoo of Death (I haven't got to that part yet and yes, I know Butt Face was under the impression that the Prince would set Westley free, but how dumb can you be to not know that Prince Humperdinck would try and kill WesWes anyway?!)

Westley can find someone much better. Like me.  But I'll have to keep it a secret from Eddie Boo. (That's my vampire boyfriend. I less than three him, which is obviously meaningless like Butler Cup's "love" for Westley.)

There. I don't believe I need to go any further in explaining why I don't like Butter Biscuit (Plus, that's as far as I got in the book...)

I don't understand this complete character change, but perhaps Goldman has something up his sleeve that I don't know about. 

Like a majestic dove, or my hankie that I swore I had safely away in my purse. 

Oooo, maybe he'll make her start blogging again!

Well, that's my opinion on Butter Toast. Maybe you think differently. Or maybe you liked this blog! Or maybe you bought another computer just to finish reading this blog and then for a third time yelled,"That's how this blog ended! I hate this blog! ARGGGG!" and threw your compy out the window.

In that case- get a life.

Just kidding, don't! Because you keep giving me more views! And that makes for a happy Gwen.

Hate Scale by End of the Chapter: EXTREME DESPISEOCIDITY. (That's for Buttered Roll, not the book. I love the book!)

Prediction of what will happen in novel: Westley will release a R.O.U.S. on the castle, and then come and marry me.

Signing out of this blog like yeah-

Gwen the Super Hero, over and out.